Looking at Miss D now, I can hardly imagine what a tumultuous relationship we have had in the past seven years or so. Soon turning nineteen, she is a total lady and so helpful to me. She has embraced college life with a vigor. She plans and help me settle into an early retirement, while enabling her siblings to have nothing but success and the best of life. Now that I look at her focus, her positive aspirations, her closeness to me and need to make all things good for her family. Wow! I thank God ever so more, that I smothered them with love.

These are the dreams upon which we all hope to make a foundation when young. How our parents and guardians view these dreams and guide us in shaping them, determines what we actually become in life. My journey is far from over with guidance and parenting. I still have these few years-; Insha Allah – to ensure that I am able to get Miss D and Sonny through college. My Baby is lucky, having an insurance that will cater for his secondary and college tuition. Towards this end, I encourage Miss D to pursue her dream. I instill upon her the fact that if she wills it, and works towards, and prays for it, it shall come to be.

It was not always so easy with Miss D. My move with my three loves away from mother Kenya, affected her a bit. She being a bit older, lost many friends. Then I went through a troublesome patch in my life, caused by envious colleagues, who thought no foreigner should excel them in their home turf. I have had the terrible misfortune of working with people who were not only envious and afraid of my zeal to perform and excel, but who acted with total impunity to curtail my success. It boils down to bad parenting. I know they did not know better, or they would have acted better.

Miss D had to repeat a class to catch up with the foreign education curriculum. She had started school early, so I saw no problem with this. She soon caught up , being an A student. Soon thereafter, I got My Baby and Miss D settled. The baby was such a welcome change. A happy healthy bouncy and exciting boy. A baby brings magic into a home, and this was the one thing that brightened our home in those first hard months of living away from home. Read the rest of this entry →

I am laughing. I usually do when I bring these words to mind or hear someone uttering them. Life is so funny and so regular. Constantly you hear proud parents and guardians hard at it, vowing that their charges would “never ever “be caught doing this or that. Yet, saying this is akin to tempting fate. Just when you were sure they would “never ever”…they go and do a ridiculous, annoying and shocking thing. Sometimes worse than what you had vowed that they would never.

Take love for instance. I used to swear by my love of chicken, that I would “never ever” marry a certain type of man from a certain part of the country. I was young and had that confidence to yap about never ever doing this and that. Later I had the kids, and I declared that I would bring them up under certain conditions only. Either that or nothing. Hahaha…little did I know just how unpredictable life could get.

I did cater for my children in many ways that I had planned for, but sometimes, I just realized I was headed the wrong way at the wrong times, and changed course and reason. I realized that it is not for nothing that we are asked to touch wood and hope. Life can literally stop you in your tracks until you perform an act you’d sworn never to do. Then normalcy resumes and you understand why we are warned never to say “never”.

At my age, I have gotten to a point where I never say I wouldn’t ever, ever do this or that. I have discovered that we just do not know when we might be caught up in circumstance that demand we behave in a manner we never considered as an option. Read the rest of this entry →

Ok, so first of all, happy belated Easter. Clearly I’m in a whole other time zone coz Easter totally passed me by. I did however have a chance to go out of town and visit some relaz. While there, I observed something that I thought I’d put to a vote with my readers so please indulge me.

I was around several children of varying ages; 2, 5 and 10. Let’s just say that their behavior left a lot to be desired. In fact, I turned to another relative and declared them to be my most effective form of birth control, better than any pill or condom ever made. I think what bothered me the most was that they weren’t necessarily difficult as children can sometimes be. They were difficult in an “I heard you call me, I heard you tell me not to do that, I hear now telling me to come to you or go outside, but I’m not going to do a darn thing you tell me and there’s NOTHING you can do about it, even if you’re my auntie, uncle or grandma” kind of way. To make matters worse, THEY WERE RIGHT!

I was raised by a parent who let it be known that if I was ever caught doing wrong by anyone I would get a spanking from the neighbor/relative etc (for the wrong done) and from my mum twice (once for the mistake and again for embarrassing her). Let’s just say I always had this sense that my neighbors, aunties, uncles, teachers et al were all watching me every second of my existence and were firmly planted on my mum’s side.

Of course if I was being victimized or needed protection from whoever, they were on my side. Knowing all this, you can image my shock and dismay to find that in these kids’ parent’s eyes, they were perfect angels and those of us who called them out for their mistakes became the enemy of the parent present (in this case, the mother more than the father). Incidentally, all the adults present – minus said parents – could clearly see that these kids were not behaving in an appropriate or acceptable manner. My question then is this: does it still take a village to raise a child? Read the rest of this entry →

A Lot of people are poor simply because they cannot adapt to frugality. They either choose not to, or do not know how to live cheap when occasion calls. For women, frugality is a blessing when times are hard and the home must keep moving.

We get used to lifestyles reflected by our earnings. The more the merrier. The more also, the more extravagance sets in. When you have grown knowing or exposed to living frugally, you are well able to cut costs even drastically, when occasion demands. I know people who have raised sharply from extreme poverty, indeed a life lacking in even bare basics, to be “thrown” into wealth and abundance almost overnight. This too is dangerous. Such people just have no clue about living normal. Thus, if they were thrust back to a lower level of abundance, they might just drop right back to zero because they would not know how to make do.

This is because; spending money wisely is comparable to reading and understanding manuals. It takes time to learn, and this means that you cover various topics step by step. You cannot learn your ABCs and then jump to a level where you can read and understand a medical journal. It is the same with money, before you grasp the nitty gritty of small time budgeting and shopping, you will not understand the intricacies involved in managing a multi million unit account, let alone acquisition or handling of investments of similar grandiose.

So what is frugality?

A vast majority of us lead a frugal life not out of choice, but because it is the better way to survive. Everywhere we have options. The options we elect to follow concerning financial decisions, is a determining factor on to how we later fare in life. Read the rest of this entry →

One of the hardest points of good parenting is getting to the point where you have to let your young ones go. When they get to the point where it’s:- “them against the world”. Like I said, it is only hard, if you are of the good parenting school. That is, merely knowing how hard, how tough and mean and cruel the world can be is enough to make a parent wish to delay cutting ties with their children.

I would compare it to bungee jumping for the parent or guardian. Mark that this apprehension and fear if felt not by the young ones setting off to the world, but their parents. This will normally begin when letting children off to college. The fact that you will lose control over what your child is doing, what they may undergo and how they will behave or react to situations , people and places sometimes alien to you too!

These fears are both real and imagined. We must as guardians, learn how to trust children to do the best they can to protect themselves and others. That, and praying for them, is all we should do sometimes. Of course cases apply where there is need for direct and harsh intervention to help children settle into adulthood. This is necessary when we deem them a danger unto themselves and others for one reason or another. In other instances too, intervention may be for the protection and safety of those who are vulnerable like the mentally unwell or very physically impaired.

At some teamwork retreats, there is a game that is played by asking members to get blindfolded and wholly trust their colleagues not to let any harm befall them. This is akin to playing Blind man’s bluff. While blindfolded, you may be asked to fall backwards with arms crossed over your chest, or forward. Either way, it is a test of having blind faith in others. It is all very well when it is a game. In real life though, things are quite different. Read the rest of this entry →

When Sonny was younger, around nine to twelve, he was a chubby boy. The minute he got twelve however, pre-teen hood set in. He became worried about his weight, which to me was just so fine for a growing boy.  It suddenly became important that he wasn’t taller, slimmer and did not have a base in his voice tone. I tell you. kids!

Chubby boys will, as a result of all the fat, get breasts. I mean, it just follows that if you are heavy around the torso, that area too will fill– outward. But besides this, Sonny’s father (R.I.P) had had a problem of that kind at the same age, and in his older years, it  reduced but did not go away altogether. He had also had problems with it in teen age hood, to the extend of shunning sports because t-shirts then were made with such material that exposed nipples. We do bring up our boys with terrible manners in Kenya. This bullying issue is sadistic but inbred in many men from boyhood, as a “manly” and acceptable type of behavior.

Anyway, my Sonny would not rest. He wanted to do sit ups, weight lifting, whatever he could, to burn the flab as fast as he could. However, his age would not permit him to tire himself senseless. This desire to look masculine would not leave him. So I sat him down and explained that he would grow out of it. I even brought him printouts from work, which  explained that this was such a normal phenomenon among boys his age, the world over. I also explained that sometimes if it was extreme, an operation or hormonal treatment was done, to reduce the breast size permanently. This calmed him down. I then made printouts and bought him books about the development of the body of a young man. We discussed and laughed about various changes he and My Baby would have, as they grew into teen age hood.

At that time, both were young and it was all a funny topic. Breaking voices, growing beards, being shy in girls’ presence, chasing girls later, getting all hairy all over….all these were jokes then. We took to looking at slightly older teen relatives and neighbors, and noting what processes they were going through. Believe me, it was funny. These are some of the wonderful moments I have had, in the wonderment of growing with my loves. Read the rest of this entry →

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I keep getting back to the mercies bestowed upon us by our Lord. I cannot tire of this. Looking at the sorrows and pains suffered by so many of my married sisters causes me to frequently relive this promise.

Mothers beloved the world over, have, do and will cry for their families, due to man’s own doing. Hence our comfort in these words of the Holy Book. Of course they are intended not just for single mothers…I know, I know.

This promise comes so true to me. I can so well testify to the tears, the sorrows, the mourning and pain of the old order of things. So many nights and days, I have wept silently, praying for a better life for myself and my three beloved. Things have, in times now seemingly so far gone, been hopelessly depressing. There was sickness and no money to reach for even the simplest relief, school and no money to go on tomorrow, food was scarce and we were hungry, Christmas was here and there was nothing to celebrate with… the list is unending. For once I dare say it wasn’t always or most often, that a man was the cause of my distress. Women too have caused me distress to a certain degree, and always it was worse than that caused by men. I can authoritatively say that, now that I am older and wiser. In these instances, I reached out to my God and he heard my cry. Always, without fail, God hears our cry and within His own time, he wipes away our every tear and makes good His above promise. We just do not always see it.

Bringing up children singly is frowned upon in our society. More so in some cultures more than in others. I remember once being asked by a friend, why I insisted on telling men I had children. Duh? It turns out that she -and many others to date- believed in buying time, love, affection and financial benefits in the guise of being young and without child- until the man were tied by her charms to the level of proposing. Then, I suppose, she would elect if to own up to the truth or tie him in another lie to prolong the benefits. I chose instead, to do my best to earn a living , to sacrifice my all, to give my children all that they would have had in a two parent home, and more. If they would lack, it would only be as much as any child in a two parent home could. My hard work and sacrifice paid off. Read the rest of this entry →

I must say since my three loves were young, I have always been accused of smothering them with love. In my opinion, I just decided on this style of parenting. I loved my three and gave them the best I could. It really was not much, what with my constant joblessness in between job, separation from baby daddies, and other hardships courtesy lack of keen and proper guidance.

Still I prejudge myself as having done well and come out almost tops. If nothing else, my undying, uncompromised and non stop love, understanding, guidance and care and joy with and to my three loves, has shaped them well. My constant self sacrifice for their comfort and that of relatives close and distant has instilled in them a desire to have empathy, be God fearing and to the best of their ability, aspire to make the world a safer better when they can. Towards this, they have embraced -not always to my liking- total non-discriminatory virtues. They consider all people equal, and thus make friends bila ubaguzi (without allowing scruples of any kind to influence them).

Like I said, not always to my liking. Having and living with teenagers has been an eye opener to me. Now I understand how loving and merciful mothers can be, and why one’s mother is deemed as next in importance to one’s God. Teenagers are an extreme tester of nerves. Was I ever one? It is all very well to claim “in our days….blah blah fishcake…” This is not then. It becomes so tough, ever so tough, to be loving, caring or even understanding with this breed we are raising. Times have changed and so have their needs, likes and wants. We should have parenting tips given as refresher courses every other decade, to bring us up to date with what’s “hip” for teens. Just so we know. Read the rest of this entry →

I woke up in a good mood today. I have been feeling so charged up since yesterday. Really charged. A project I had put my all into, came through a winner. So here I was yesterday, beaming with pleasure, hopes for a new love this Christmas forgotten, woes about the problems I have had with the kids this year not remembered again, and all my office annoyances seeming petty and inconsequential. I selected something to wear today, last night. Laid it out, and would have ironed it, if I had not been sooo… tired.

Early today, I left with Miss Daddy. She that doesn’t like to leave early, my daughter, was forced to be early to avoid the jam expected all over Nairobi. This, because of the various graduation ceremonies and their associated celebratory crowds- family, graduates, et al… So, unusual for us, we left together at 5:45 a.m. The ride was uneventful, and we spoke little. Not like when I am with Sonny. My elder son. We think alike. We notice all the suffering and poverty along the way. We show each other new developments no matter how little, and rejoice in them. One of us will tell the other any little tit bit about a place or person we bypass. I tell you, we are very good friends. There, I said it at last. Sony is like a girlfriend. A bosom buddy. Read the rest of this entry →