Musing between how to end it or make it work…surely things cannot be this hard? Not if two people are really truly interested in sorting out the important issues? What else could he do after he realized that he couldn’t love her the way she wanted to be loved? At least not now…he was hurting too much about so many issues that she couldn’t understand. Yet he wondered why it was so difficult to reach her when she had seemed so approachable in the beginning. Maybe it was just the same cycle of coming round full circle; loving the same kind of distant, unavailable woman each time, no matter what he tried.

Today it was the heated matter of “boundaries” in relationships especially in marriage. He quipped that marriage by its very institution was sacred on its own and those coming into it ought to know that it already comes with set boundaries. It is now a unique and exceptional relationship where you choose to remain loyal and faithful to one. Her stance that she was right in pursuing other interests because her needs weren’t being met were irrelevant, he raved.

And couldn’t it just simply be a matter of sharing one’s viewpoint on the matter? Why did it have to be dissected so much while he was psycho-analysed?

It seemed to him that, of late, she was always looking for a bone of contention…getting him angry and responsive at all costs. Was this what other husbands faced in their homes? If so then mankind was doomed! There was no one in their right mind who would be happily contemplating walking down the aisle after he shared his experiences! Read the rest of this entry →

I am Muslim (I love how that sounds so scary, BAM!), and never knew how funny muslim mothers could get. A few days ago, i was at a friends’ house,who had invited us, with another couple of families (yes, we do big like that) for dinner. There was my family, a French one, and another Pakistani one.

At first the dinner thing appeared to be really nice and empty of any weird thoughts (wait for it..), until I got up to get more cups from the kitchen and that our host followed me to gossip a bit. She by the way slipped in a couple of words about the Pakistani mother who was looking for a bride to her son, and joked about how she had lied to the woman who had asked her if she knew someone, while she actually knew me! This last part of the statement made me laugh, briefly, and then got me thinking of the expectations of a young Muslim girl’s family, still traditional even in our era. Read the rest of this entry →

im a married lady with two boys.this is my 7th yr in marriage but the problem is im still very much in love with my ex.he was the only man i ever dated before my husband.i cant stop thinking about him and sometimes i feel like quitting my marriage and moving in with him.im even tempted to get his child if i cant live with him.its like im obsessed with him.pls advice what to do,i feel like im loosing my mind. thanks.

Abunga

Whoever came up with the marital vows must have been a very ignorant person. He must have been so absolutely oblivious of the entire world, including the person he must have written them for, to come up with such stark nonsense.

I admit, the words could get to you, if you’re twelve and you don’t know anything about what the world is about. A poet like me could appreciate them too I suppose…but am not that blind. There must be meaning in my poetry, life experience so to speak. Write what I know is the one motto I follow to this day.

From the beginning of time, well at least after the first family (Eve, Adam and their twin sons), it is a well known fact that marriages were about money. Your clan could only betroth you to someone who brought something to the family, be it money or a good name. So who the hell was this bugger pretending to be self righteous enough to come up with those words? My only other conclusion could be that he was a big fat liar. That poor girl being lied to!! I feel sorry for her when I think of it. Read the rest of this entry →

Adultery.

We judge and sneer at those who indulge in it, but we haven’t been there…at least those of us who aren’t married. I watched (well, not the whole of it but nearly half of) a movie called Derailed starring Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen and I saw the reality of cheating. It’s so easy to look elsewhere when home is no longer a peaceful place to be and your spouse no longer the angel you married. People have problems….sick children who drain every ounce of energy from their parents making it nearly impossible for them to have any alone time together causing their marriage to suffer. Or when one spouse is always away working. Or for whatever reason because marriage is hard work.

So you meet someone, a chance meeting even. You click, he/she gets you. She/he likes the annoying music your spouse doesn’t like. He/she gets your sense of humour that your spouse has never appreciated. He/she is a breath of fresh air; a haven amidst all the drama in your life and family.

So, as a human being, what do  you do?

You pursue happiness. You want more than you can have. Read the rest of this entry →

I was wondering what to do coz i have stayed with my husband for 4yrs and lately i was told by his best friend that he is cheating on me. And that now he has 3chics. The friend was so wiling to help me catch him and he promised to help me if i was willing to find out the truth.i have not yet caught him but i am wondering why did the best friend turn against him all of a sudden.I am really stressed please help.We have a one year one son.Should i ask him if he is having an affair and not mention the friend or should i wait and catch him coz am sure the friend will assist me. Thanks

Ann

I have been married for 5 years now and blessed with 2 children. My husband loves his kids to bits. My question is we have had arguments on and off and these issues had reached a point where  we were giving up on each other. I vowed to do my best to end the arguments which has kinda worked. Unfortunately, i feel like he does some things wrongly and i dont know how to tell him. When i try tell him what i want, he will make sure he does the opposite. e.g. he does not want us to invest together, he makes decisions on all investments and puts them all under his name (he just informs me of his decisions), he works for 12 hrs a day mon to fri and saturdays comes home at the same time, attends most functions alone,  I tend to feel like he does some things because he is forced to do them and not because he is willing from his heart. How do i understand my marriage and improve it?

Jackie

Some decades ago, this query would have a very easy and straightforward answer. It is the man who ought to pay since he is the acclaimed bread winner. But times have changed a lot. Women now have jobs and sometimes they have better jobs than their husbands. Relatively many women out there are wealthier than their husband or boyfriends. In such circumstances, is it fair for the man to carry on paying for everything exclusively since he is a man?

The question of who should pay for services when a man and a woman are dating is one that cannot be given an easy answer without one making some investigation. According to relationship experts, the matter of who should pay depends on the time and place of the relationship. That is how old and how far you have gone in the relationship that establish who should picking the bills. Read the rest of this entry →