A phenomenon that I have always heard about recently came knocking at my door. I never used to believe the “rumors” that guys go to church to look for nice Christian girls to marry or date or whatever, well, that was until it happened to me.

See, I am your average church girl. I grew up in church, I go to church, I am involved in church, I talk about church…really, I am a church girl.

This is not necessarily a good thing, according to some. Family members and random acquaintances used to warn me…as much as you go to church, watch out for those church men.

Huh?

Why?

I have never dated one and the guys I have dated or “dated” have never been church guys. And granted, they were nothing to write home about, many hurt me and with many I found out we had nothing in common and nothing worth building a future on, after all the pixie dust and starry eyes had worn off and grown dim.

So what could be worse, church guys? I think not!

Anyway, so I met a church guy. Boy, was I excited! Finally I get to meet someone who speaks my language!

NOT! Continue Reading »

hi,iam 22 yrs old. am an attachee in a tour company in mombasa.there is this guy,we used to be neighbours and friends when we were kids.right now we are all grown up and he wants to date me.but i feel like am not ready yet. am building my career right now.i dont know what to do,he is a very nice guy. am confused, he maybe God sent i may be throwing my luck away and on top of all,i dont want to hurt him.please help me.

Agnes

Hi Lilly,
I am a 28 year old single mother of a one year old this November but unfortunately me and the father we split up before she was born. Now am thinking of dating again but most people tell me its too soon,please advise, how long should one take.

Liz

A lot has been said about finding the ideal mate and yet many of my girlfriends including me, always complain about the men or man in our lives. So what kind of homosapien are we really looking to find or even better hoping to spend eternity with?

CONFIDENT
In the book Act like a lady, think like a man, Steve Harvey says that men look for a woman who will hold his hand tighter when usher passes by all sexy and sweaty with money dropping from his pockets and still say,”baby, You are the man!!” the same way we want a man who knows that he is all that and a bag of chips but is subtle in showing it. Yes a confident man will always get the vote even if he is good-looking from far or far from good looking. So we can all agree that confidence is a priority in our list.

IN CONTROL-BUT NOT A CONTROL FREAK
My life is not your remote control. Period. Control freaks, are just that freaks. As much as being a man makes you the head of the relationship, this does not mean that the lady beside you ceases to exist. I enjoy it when my man picks out what I should wear for our special day out, but can you imagine if he chose to pick out my entire wardrobe? I must say that there is a very thin line between being in control and being a control freak because overdoing an act simply tips you over to the weirdo side we do not want to date.

UNPREDICTABLE
If you were able to know what you will be doing ten years from today or even what God has in store for you for the rest of your life, would there be any thrill about being alive? The same way I wouldn’t want to pick up my phone, with my well manicured finger on the receive button each and every hour knowing that you are going to call. Jamie Foxx sings about being unpredictable. Ladies, if your man is the opposite, please get him get him the song. I like when a man lets my mind wander as to what he is going to do next, even the next minute after hearing from him is a complete surprise. This not only keeps the flame burning but ensures that the excitement never dies. Continue Reading »

my friend has a problem and would like to help her out though do not know how to do it.her boyfriend left her simply coz she had done something wrong to him in the past and she is stressed coz she has never met a person like him before.he is someone who does not like entertaining ladies much when they approach him and is very caring and loving guy. the problem is that he calls her in weird hours of the night and they talk as they used to before when they were lovers and they are good friends. she luvs the guy so much and does not believe in getting another man like him who will fill the gap that has been left.more so she believes that the ex will come back to her.should she still wait for him?advice me on what to tell her bearing in mind that the girl still luvs him so much. thanks

I heard a very interesting concept from a very unlikely source. Three weeks later, I’m still in awe. The source said that when a man is ready to get married, he does. When a woman isn’t ready to get married, she doesn’t. But when a man isn’t ready to get married, a woman can convince him. Therefore then [did I just give my school away?] the key to a happy marriage is to be with a man who is ready.

Makes sense in theory. If it’s his decision, he’ll do what it takes to make the marriage work. Whereas if you force him, he will eventually get bored, cut, and run. So don’t waste time, effort and misery playing ‘here comes the bride’, dragging him to infinite weddings, wishing on Secrets DVDs and saying ‘I do’ in your ’sleep’. If you’re ready and he isn’t, leave him and find someone who is, coz you could be waiting a looooooong time. Continue Reading »

Eve didn’t recognize Adam, Adam recognized Eve. Which means in God’s eyes, it’s not about a girl finding Mr Right, [or even about a man finding Miss Right!] it’s about Miss Right being led to Adam. We don’t do the choosing. So send all those Santa lists to the trash bin. You may know what you want and what you like, but it’s not your call. It’s not about what you think you want, it’s about what God knows is right for you.

I once asked how to work magic – to get the guy to ask you out while thinking it was his idea. Well, here’s my answer. In God’s plan, it’s always the man’s idea.

God leads you to your Adam, Adam sees you, keels over, realizes you’re the One… then you can be a girl and get him to ask you out. You haven’t seduced him, conned him or convinced him, since in his soul, he already knows you’re the only one for him. Continue Reading »

Most creation and origin myths agree – there was a deity, a couple, and later lots of babies. My creation story is God, Adam, Eve…trouble.

But let’s focus on the pre-trouble paradise, shall we? First, God created Adam. Then, Adam got lonely, so God created Eve. More on that in Battle of the Sexes. For today, my focus is this. Adam didn’t hunt, and Eve didn’t gather. God brought them together. So in a sense, Draco is right : you don’t find love, love finds you. Only in a more accurate sense – God ‘finds’ love for you.

God created Eve specifically for Adam. She was custom made to fulfill his need for company, love, friendship – the kind he couldn’t he couldn’t find in trees and animals. Continue Reading »

It’s a general belief that the battle of the sexes started in the garden of Eden. Something about Eve getting Adam into trouble and getting cursed to be his eternal underling.

It’s also a general belief that at creation, men and women were equal, hence she was made from his rib, to spend her life at his side, as his helper.

This isn’t about equality, it’s about the anatomy of love as I see it. Today, I analyze the genesis of relationships, the crystal way. Continue Reading »

I met this guy sometimes ago and we started dating 3 months ago the first time he sounded so serious about commitment he talked about if i could marry him and have kids with him and i decided to give him a chance, its now three months and he have never told me that he loves me, he talks a lot about how women are bad, cheaters, he also most of the time support wife beating though he have never laid hand on me,he dont open up about his past and his life in general, all i know is that he had a bad relationship where his ex gal left him for another man, we got into a fight another day and he threaten to end the relationship, pliz let me know if he is worth my time or what i should do, i have met so many guys in my life and i feel like if i break up with him i will never date again not because i love him but am just tired of the dating game.

Tina*
——————
Dear Tina*

Many people show their feelings through actions, not just words. he doesn’t have to say ‘i love you’, he can show it throught the way he treats you. A person who loves you spends time with you, is kind to you, and introduces you to his or her friends and family, meaning that he is proud of you.

Marriage is a big deal. You will share your whole life with this person, so you shouldknow about them, their family, their culture and their history. It doesn’t mean you have to know everything about them, and their ex-girlfriends/boyfriends have nothing to do with you. However, be wary of someone with too many secrets. You should at least know their family, even if you don’t know about previous affairs – your relationship should start with a clean slate so stories about past loves should be left dead, buried, cremated, and the ashes thrown of a very high cliff.

There is no excuse for violence in a relationship. Absolutely none. watch the man carefully, and the second he lays a hand on you, run far far away. Until then, don’t provoke him, a lot of women can nag a perfectly reasonable man towards violent thoughts. I’m just saying…

The earth has about 6 billion people. You shouldn’t cling to a bad relationship out of fear, there are lots of good people out there. I suggest you ask yourself your reasons for being with this man, then decide whether it’s worth it. But fear should NEVER be a reason to date/marry someone. The dating game can be tiring, even frustrating, but marrying the wrong person is a million times worse, trust me on that. So be sensible in your decision, and good luck!

Aunt Tabby

* The names have been changed for privacy purposes.