So we move into  close up of her face lighting up in expectation as the movie begins..It breaks off to a scene of two men chatting but all you see are their mid sections with a back and forth exchange.In between these conversation bites we pan back and forth to the girl (seated with the movie “audience”, alongside her brother, who’s in on this whole plot) to see when it will register that all this… is her fiance’s Proposal to her!!!

The scene opens with her boyfriend talking to her dad about what makes his girlfriend such a prize and it’s so sweet how he chalks up all her good qualities Theres a back and forth exchange of pleasant conversation between these two men discussing the virtues of this young maiden.Gradually, she it dawns on her that it’s actually her boyfriend asking her dad for her hand in marriage!!! And she gets all weepy as her dad hugs her fiance,welcoming him into the family; then asking him what he’s waiting for…to go get his bride!!!

The camera stays with him as he runs out of her family’s home, into his car, speeding off to the movie theatre, and even stands in line (obediently) to buy some popcorn! Hilarious…You only realise the magnitude of this moment when he suddenly stops outside the movie hall to take in a couple of breaths…then boldly matches in to go on bended knee. The whoops of delight from her fellow “theatre-goers” must have been a great help in boosting his ego.

I found this particular Proposal gutsy, somewhat, especially when you think about the cold sweats and panic-mode am told some men (if not most), go through when it comes to this Question. Will she accept? Will her response be embarassing? What do I do next if she says ‘No’ after all this? Actually, come to think of it…do guys even think of all that repercussion? I doubt it… Which is just as well, because mine was a simple bended knee over a romantic dinner and wine. How could I say ‘NO’?!

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From romantic safaris to the lovely Kenyan Villas and the all unique colonial lodges, Kenya has what it takes to accord you a honeymoon like no other, and don’t forget the picturesque scenery that will drive your love to a blend of laughter and memories to make your union hot and alive even long after your honeymoon.

Some of the places worth enlisting in your Kenya Honeymoon calendar include the Maasai Mara, Samburu Buffalo Springs plus lakes like Bogoria, Nakuru and Baringo. You can also visit a number of national parks including the Nairobi National Park where you will see a number of indigenous game like the Black Rhino which lives in the park throughout the year. Almost all small lodges and camps in Kenya have special honeymoon tents with maximum privacy plus personalized services.

Lamu is hailed as one of the best honeymoon destinations in Kenya; it is calm with enough beaches and nice people with a rich culture. If one of the rules you have set out for your honey money is a vehicle-free environment then you will have it all in Lamu; you will use luxury dhows and donkeys to make your movements around. Sailing around Lamu mangroves and archipelago will open you to a natural world of irresistible happiness-the experience is purely natural.

Traveling from Mombasa to Lamu is a moment you just need to test; stop in the smaller towns and buy food from the local shops and vendors along the way-this is where you get a chance to interact and say Jambo or Habari (meaning “how are you doing?”). You will have fun as the locals explode into laughter when they discover that you are struggling to bring out the Swahili words!

Article by Linda Akware, is a certified wedding consultant at the Kenya Wedding Centre.

Image credit: Wikipedia

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I was talking to a good friend this week. He’s married, and I assume he’s happy. But he says marriages aren’t meant to be happy. They’re intended to be functional. A good marriage is one that works, where the partners are solid and complement each other. Each partner does what they have to do to keep the union solid. Lovey-dovey couples are a myth that only exists in female heads, he says. It made me ask a question on Twitter. I wondered how a guy picks a bride, since it’s clearly not about love.

I didn’t get many answers, so I tried to analyse and theorize. I think the girl a man marries depends on his reasons. If he’s marrying to meet the demand for grandchildren, he’ll marry a girl who’s wifely, motherly, and gets along with his mother. That’s her primary function, so she may not necessarily be the type of girl he likes. That’s why he may continue to fool around with – you know – the type of girl he likes. It’s also why a guy could date a girl for years then break up with her and marry someone else.

A guy like that will likely have a mistress who is just the type he likes, the one he actually loves, the one he is genuinely attracted to. And that girl will probably never become a wife, because clearly, under this theory, the girl a man loves is not the one he marries.

The theory makes sense to some extent. Ancient civilisations didn’t have marriages ‘for love’ and even in the King Arthur days, the knights were always in love with married women who were not – you know – their wives. They would be the ‘champion’ of some married woman while the woman’s husband was the champion of some other girl. The relationships weren’t necessarily sexual, but there was love involved. Hence Lancelot and Guinevere.

The kind of woman who is a wife is raised to know her place. She doesn’t question her man’s cheating or shenanigans, because, well, a wife doesn’t do that. Just listen to the women on Matatu FM. Women – like me – who would question and fight and make demands are generally kept as mistresses or girlfriends, mpango wa kando. We may be hot, confident and great in bed, but we have way too much drama to be wives.

This explains why some klandes have the guts to attack wives. The wife is the well-behaved, quiet, humble type who lets her man do what he wants. She’ll take a lot of crap to maintain her married status. Sometimes she’s just as pretty and confident as the mistress, but she knows enough not to cause chaos, and she knows he’ll always come back home. That’s why she’s the wife. The mistress is the drama queen. She assumes that because the man prefers her, she has the authority and clout to push his wife around. Of course, it’s that exact quality that keeps her safely in the mistress bracket.

When a woman like that finally chooses to be a wife, she adjusts herself accordingly. Either that or she fakes it long enough to get a ring, or manipulates the boy into marriage. Months later, she’s nagging and he’s cheating because the gloves are off. Sigh.

Some men marry for money, though this is rare.  This guy is likely to cheat too, because in many ways, his wife is ‘above’ him, so he needs some outside women he can subjugate.

Genuine church types marry for love. By genuine I mean the traditional types who really feel that marriage is a holy sacrament. I don’t know how well those marriages work for two reasons. One, divorce is unacceptable, so a lot gets swept under the carpet to keep the marriage intact. Two, maintaining appearances is important, so many marital problems stay hidden.

Some guys marry for social standing, to be taken seriously at work or in the community. A guy like that will probably marry a trophy wife, one that is appropriate for the situation, one that can be shown off at office/family functions without embarrassing him, one that can fit in with social groups WAG and company wives. Then he will continue to play with the type of women who interest him.

I think the mistake that women make is that we pick a guy and make him marry us, then we wonder why we end up miserable. If you tricked or pressured the guy into marrying you, things are bound to go crazy once you stop pretending, especially if he wasn’t ready to marry in the first place.

I read a letter in yesterday’s Nation. This guy said he’d been faithful to his wife for 4 years, but he was drawn to other women. He wanted to know if it was normal. The columnist told him it was. Thing is – we get attracted to people every day, but we have to choose not to act on it. When you force a man to marry you, he has less motivation to fight his lust.

When a man decides it’s time to marry, he will. But he will only take a girl that meets his needs. The old quote is true – a man won’t marry a girl, he’ll marry a wife. So if you want to catch a husband, you need to become a wife.

Of course some girls are simply not wife material, and I’m one of them. If I want a ring on it, I know what I need to develop. And I can do it too – any girl can. The thing is … I don’t want to.

Us girls have to realize we can’t have it both ways. We either stay as we are – strong, independent, no nonsense … and single, or we acquire wifely virtues and a ring, and accept that our men will probably spend their time playing with strong, independent, single women. Of course we could go for western men who can accept this kind of woman, but there’s a reason why divorce is so common there. There’s also a reason why some western men look for ‘submissive’ Asian and African women to marry.

In African society, a wife’s job is to care for the children, and a husband’s job is to provide for them. Many men don’t understand why you’re complaining if the children are schooled, clothed, and fed.  Your best bet as an aspiring wife is to find out what he wants in wife, be that girl, then wait until he’s ready. If it’s the man’s decision to marry, he’ll be a lot more likely to put in the effort needed to make it work. Of course it would help if you naturally have those traits, because if you pretend, then you’ll lose him the moment you go back to ‘normal’.

There’s one other thing that girls don’t consider. We have a generation of women that were raised to do anything they want. They’re educated and self reliant. They can have jobs, cars, and houses without men. But what we forget is that there are men who grew up around us too. The opportunities that made us what we are have changed the men as well. The women grew up to do stuff on their own, but so did the men. So while us girls don’t need a man to buy us pretty things, our brothers don’t need a woman to cook and clean. They don’t have their father’s urge to settle down, procreate, and care for extended families. They want to enjoy their youth and have fun with their money.

This man may not feel the urge to settle down until he’s in his 40s. Meanwhile, the strong woman starts to tick in her late twenties, when her ovaries are whining. So you have 28 year old woman thinking of settling down while her partner still wants to play, and by the time he’s 40, she’s over the hill and intimidating, so he prefers a nice 18 year old that’s young, unambitious, and unspoiled, preferably someone groomed for the job by his mother.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule, and I’m not trying to kill anyone’s marital hopes. There are men who marry for affection and companionship. But these men usually have grown children and a few ex-wives, and if not, they may not want kids at all. You’re unlikely to get a man like that while your bio-clock is ticking. My theory only tries to explain why we have so many singles and unhappy couples, and my solution is to stay out of the fray. What’s yours?

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The actual wedding is done at a church, mosque, or government office, followed by a photo session. Wedding ceremonies are usually performed after midday, while the late afternoon is dedicated to photos, leaving the evening free for the wedding reception, which is also hosted by the man’s family, and also comes with the champagne, speeches, and wedding cake. And gifts.

Generally, the budget for a marriage is met by … the guests. When an acquaintance is getting married, they will give you a wedding invitation. If your friend is the groom, you will receive a invite to the wedding and reception, while friends of the bride will receive invites to the Kitchen Party and Send-off.

The card requests that you contribute towards the cost of the wedding, and sometimes [but not always] suggests the minimum amount that you are expected to contribute. This figure is decided during vikao – wedding committee meetings where the budget and other matters are decided. As a general rule, if you do not meet the minimum contribution, you may not attend the festivities.

Contributing to the cost, however, does not exempt you from bringing gifts.

In addition, since there are four ceremonies, the line-up generally needs four separate sets of outfits, transportation, and beautification regimes. The bride and her entourage will therefore need a dress each for the Kitchen Party, Send-off, and Wedding. Usually she will wear the same dress to the reception. Every wedding therefore takes a minimum of three days.

Guests bring separate sets of gifts, one for each ceremony they attend.

In addition, there are dowry ceremonies, though I have not been privvy to these, but I imagine they are quite elaborate and only partially cultural.

Also, no wedding is complete without a brass band.

I have attended one wedding on the groom’s side and another on the bride’s side. Both were elaborate and beautiful.

At the bridal wedding, I was still fresh and green, so I fussed about the ‘payment’, provided no presents, showed up in jeans, arrived without a proof-of-contribution-invitation-card [and was subsequently frozen at the gate]. Also, never-ending trauma re: mduara dance.

The groomal wedding was a good year later, and I knew enough to have a painful facial and got prettified. I skipped the church since I was busy getting dolled up, and I arrived at the reception at 7.00 p.m. [the card said 6.30] even though the ceremony didn’t start till 8 and I was *cough*cough*forced* to find comfort in my book.

Yes, I carried a book to a wedding.

The ceremony was beautiful. The card had a red ribbon on it, which made everyone in attendance wear … you know … red. Which was weird, because all that red in one place was a little freaky. Fortunately, I had ditched my red dress for purple at the last minute. Phew!

The line-up was large: five pre-teen flower girls in red, shoulderless dresses with a white rose; 8 late-teen bridesmaids in the same red dress, but with a white sash; and 8 groomsmen with white shirts and pants and red waistcoats. There were also a couple of little girls in white and red dresses, and a page boy or two.

The groom’s father and uncles wore black suits with red shirts and red ties, while his elder sisters wore white dresses with red sashes.  The groom and best man wore white suits and shirts with a red waistcoat and red tie, while the bride and matron [best maid] wore white dresses with red detail. The girls danced in to P-squares ‘No one like you’ while the maids did a funky routine to some song that I can’t quite remember.

Everyone else, and I do mean everyone else, wore varying shades of white and red. Mostly red. The brass band wore white suits with red shirts and trimming, and the only female in the band wore pants and played a tambourine. Hmph.

Marriages here are certainly colourful, and are generally a family affair. Even after the wedding, in-laws have a big say in all matters, and extended families are very close-knit. I’m not sure not if the fanfair is all good or bad, but they certainly give you something to watch.

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And I should explain a little something about Tanzanian weddings. They’re not like the ones at home.

The typical +255 wedding comes in four parts. There are two ceremonies hosted by the bride’s family, and two ceremonies hosted by the groom’s family.

The first ceremony is the Kitchen Party, hosted by the bride and her people. It is an evening party, and is generally a strictly-girls affair, so in areas like Dar that are predominantly Muslim, the ladies have a chance to let down their hair … and other things.

The only male at this ceremony is the DJ and the cameraman. I can only imagine they enjoy the view, because even I was busy drooling at females whom I had only ever seen in amorphous black, and I’m a girl!

During the Kitchen Party, there is usually an MC-slash-shenga who teaches the bride [and her cohorts] how to take care of a man. The advise is sometimes quite benign, but more often, painfully raunchy.

The playlist consists largely of  taarab, and at several points, the ladies will get on the dance floor and perform renditions of mduara, usually with the help of pillars and chairs.

The trauma!

It can be enlightening though, to see mild-mannered madames in their fifties putting nubile ‘little girls’ to shame in the humble art of *cough*cough* pole-dancing.

There is good food, and at some point the gift-giving starts. The gifts are kitchen utensils and household items, and by the end of the ceremony, the bride has a fully furnished house. She gets everything from rice-makers to electric cookers and gas cylinders.

The second ceremony is the send-off, also hosted by the bride’s family. It is a wedding-reception style shindig complete with a high table, full video, MC, microphones, embarrassing speeches, champagne and a wedding cake. It is, in principle, the bride’s family saying goodbye to her, and is quite elaborate.

It is held at night as well, on a separate date from the Kitchen Party, and usually at a separate venue. It has all the pomp and colour of a full wedding reception, and yes, again, you are expected to bring gifts.

The bride and her party require separate dresses and beauty treatments for each ceremony, and they cost [at my local salon] 250,000 a piece for the bride, negotiably less for the rest of the bridal party, since they generally do a budget version of what the bride gets.  Agony is getting your hair done at a salon while a bridal party is getting prettified.

Hell is three bridal parties at the same salon on your day off.

At the Send-off itself [and also at the groom-hosted reception] there is a pretty ceremony where the bride and groom come to the front of the crowd and dance a salsa while shaking champagne bottles. For some strange reason, said salsa is usually danced to the theme song of whatever latino soap is in vogue at the time.

The bride and groom each have a bottle, and it’s a light-hearted competition where the MC eggs on the couple to pop the cork, teasing whichever one fails to do the deed correctly. The champagne is usually alcohol-free, but many shy guests still refuse to partake.

Once the salsa and the popping is done, the bride and groom [and sometimes the bridal party] fill the glasses of those near the high table and everyone toasts the couple.

On one occasion, the bottle literally flew out of the groom’s hand. I can’t be sure where it landed, but I can bet the resultant innuendo will be a standing joke for years to come.

…to be continued…

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The essentials of a Wedding Invitation
A wedding invitation is simply a card that informs your friends, family, workmates e.t.c. that you and your partner are intending to tie the knot, and all the details that pertain to the ceremony. The wedding invitation card should at the minimum contain the following information:

• The Bride’s Name
• The Groom’s name
• Your wedding message & announcement of intention to marry
• The Wedding Date
• The Wedding Venue
• The Wedding Timings

The wedding invitation is often presented alongside with the other wedding stationery. This includes:

• The Wedding program
• The Wedding ceremony and reception map
• The RSVP (reply) card

So how do you make your wedding invitation card showcase you and your fiancé’s distinctive taste? Here are some Waridi Tips and pointers on how to go about making your big announcement in style:

The wedding invitation style
The style of the invitation card is largely dictated by the wedding theme; for example for a garden themed wedding, you could have dried flowers and twigs attached to the card with tiny seeds sprinkled creatively on the invitation paper. Incase you and your fiancé are musical, have your wedding invitation on a Compact Disc…with the wedding details printed on the cds, and your favorite music on the cd. You can express your individuality by choosing unique sizes, textures, colors and ribbons.

The wedding invitation card material
Believe it or not, you don’t have to print your wedding invitations on paper. As a couple you have a lot of options. Apart from paper, you could print your wedding invitation on cloth, wood and even plastic! For example for a Maasai themed wedding, the invitations could be printed on bark cloth! You just have to find what suits you in terms of cost and style.

The Wedding Invitation Color
This weddings color scheme largely determines the color of the invitations. The wedding invitation color acts as a guide for the guests to know well in advance what the wedding color scheme is. Play around with your wedding colors to create a fitting wedding invitation!

Decorating your Wedding Invitations
Wedding cards accessories help to accentuate the wedding theme e.g. for a Butterfly wedding theme one could opt to attach butterflies to the wedding card or embroider butterfly patterns on cloth. Pressed and dried roses could also be glued onto the wedding card for a Rose Wedding theme! Font styles and graphics are also considered as decorative elements. Try using regal style font for your wedding invitation card.

Photo courtesy of Kinka

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Thou shall have thy wedding budget always!
Your wedding budget is essentially the life support system of your wedding. For most Kenyans brides and grooms it acts as a guide to what you should allocate to each particular wedding service , and helps you approximate how much you should spend on your wedding. It is often referred to by most brides, grooms , wedding service providers and wedding planners. It is financially suicidal not to have a wedding budget.

Thou shall always remember the three O’s
The three O’s is an acronym for Off Season, Off day, Off time! This should be music to any bride and groom planning their wedding. Want a glamorous wedding at a cost effective budget? Here’s the secret ! Have your wedding on any other month except December, August and April. Have your wedding on any day except Friday, Saturday and have your wedding reception in the evening a.k.a. a dinner reception, or a breakfast brunch!

Peak Seasons, days and times often generate high demand for wedding services and products hence the prices  of some wedding services and products are often altered in tune with the season.Peak seasons also generate more wedding guests remember each guest equals a wedding invitation card, wedding chair, will seat on a wedding table, a meal and a drink ( for others its two), wedding cake e.t.c. So to cut down on gate crushers you could have your wedding on a Thursday.

Thou shall be realistic
Brides this one’s for you. Every bride has a dream some want to get married to Denzel others want to have Celine Dion belt out a tune while they walk down the aisle, whatever your wedding dream you ought to be realistic. You can fake it till you make it. Instead of paying through your nose for that Chanel vintage gown you  have always dreamt of you could have a local designer imitate the design and  they will do it at quarter the price to suit all your bridal gown dreams. Instead of flying Celine in get the Djs to play her CD as you walk down am sure the guests would still love it!

Thou shall stay true to the guest list
We love wedding guests they make the wedding lively, fun and without them you wouldn’t have anyone to join in the “Mugithi”, but  gatecrashers will always be embedded into your wedding memories when you remember how your favorite aunty had only Chapati and Fanta because the food ran out!As a couple you should sit down and quietly decide on the number of guests you think you can comfortably cater for it’s a good thing having  KShs 500,000/= with a guest count of 30 it’s a bad thing having kshs 500,000/= with a guest count of 3000.Make sure you can cater for each and every wedding guest.Implement a guest control measure to ensure that there are absolutely no gatecrashers.

Some couples use security companies, others have a strictly card invitation wedding others have opted to use food and drink vouchers, while others have set table seating arrangements.Whichever method you choose to adopt or invent ensure that you and your partner are true to the guest list because if you are not you will be cheating on your bank account.Consider trimming your guest list as an option of cutting down your budget costs. This is often considered brutal but you sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to your finances.

Thou shall mix and match
You only get married once! So you need to have the wedding of your dreams. You  always wished that you would exchange vows in a glamorous ball room, or you would be driven to church in a classic vintage car!  So how do you experience your wish on a budget. Compromise! If you really want to for example be driven to church in your vintage car, you could cut down, your budget  on other areas of your wedding service and product providers , to ensure that your wedding budget does not feel the pinch!Mix and Match the wedding service providers to ensure that you get to experience a little bit of your dream wedding day.

A bride often needs bridesmaids to offer her moral support as she goes through the wedding planning process, to help her with certain duties during the wedding and above all to look hot for the camera, to capture this beautiful moment in time for eternity.

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• Frugality

Many times I have been invited for a wedding and the Kenyan in me automatically skipped the exchange of the couple’s vows in church, and made it just in time to catch the reception food queue. I am most likely speaking on behalf of quite a number of you.
Lunchtime receptions are usually scheduled to begin at two o’clock but they often begin at three and yes, there are instances when they start at five and they end between four and six. During this period your wedding guests will be well taken care of both in meals and entertainment. A large proportion of the wedding budget caters for the wedding reception, usually about 70%.

The effects of the global economic crisis are beginning to be felt on the Kenyan wedding industry. Towards the beginning of last year a majority of Kenyan couples would spend close to Kshs 700,000 on their weddings but this figure is quickly plummeting and many engaged couples are now spending between Ksh. 350,000-500,000, on their weddings. The amount spent is decreasing but the wedding guest lists seem to be increasing.

One way of ensuring that you have a cheap yet chic wedding is by seeking cost effective reception alternatives to the traditional lunch time reception. One thing is for sure; lunchtime receptions do cost a bit and it would be advisable for the budget conscious bride & groom to seek an alternative reception.

The following are examples of reception alternatives for consideration:

• Picnic Reception
• Cocktail Reception/ Champagne & Cake
• Barbeque Reception
• Brunch Reception

Picnic Receptions
Nairobi and Kenya in general has a lot of picnic sites available, from Uhuru Park to Paradise Lost and KWS park picnic sites. Picnics are often held for family get togethers and most Kenyans love picnicking especially over the weekend and public holidays so this is no strange phenomenon.

Picnic receptions are cost effective depending on your venue of choice and wedding guest count. If your guest count is between 40-50 wedding guests, this would be a beautiful option.

A picnic reception would require the couple to scout for an affordable location (check out KWS picnic sites, make sure that your venue has picnic benches), come up with a picnic menu, it could range from sandwiches to a barbeque that can be potluck. Look for creative entertainment; you could carry a bunch of CDs & a CD player. A picnic reception is more informal as compared to a lunchtime reception.

Having a picnic reception eliminates wedding services such as tables, tents, chairs, catering service, the wedding cake, décor, hired wedding entertainment and thus reduces costs significantly.

Cocktail Receptions
This alternative is for the couple that wants to add some pizzazz to their wedding and still go smiling to the bank after saying “I DO”.

Cocktails have a formal tone and nothing would be as glamorous as tying the knot with the sun setting in the horizon and all your guests toasting and clinking away their champagne flutes as you have your first kiss as man and wife. Depending on your wedding budget you could opt to have your cocktail at a hotel, their cocktail menu prices range from Ksh. 1500 – Ksh. 2500 pp. In case your budget does not allow for this, you could get a cost effective yet elegant location such as The Nairobi National Museum.

Offer your guests an assortment of drinks. If your budget is tight make a fruit cocktail, have a family friend offer dj services, get your décor lady to supply cocktail tables and have simple floral centerpieces. After saying ‘I do’ the climax of the event would be cutting the cake and thereafter mingling with your guests.

A wedding cocktail reception can combine both the marriage ceremony and the reception. It should last three hours at most. In a typical cocktail reception in the West, the only beverage served is usually champagne and the only food offered is the wedding cake. If you decide to have a cocktail reception, etiquette dictates that you indicate this in your wedding card invitation.
This option is ideal if your guest number is between 50 and100.

Barbeque Receptions
Nyama choma is part and parcel of Kenyan culture, especially when it comes to special occasions such as Christmas. So why not extend the tradition and have a nyama choma fest for your wedding reception. Get a wedding venue and hire a caterer to do the grilling a barbecuing for you.

You menu would include meals that accompany nyama choma such as mukimo and ugali. Have a salad bar with a variety of salads that go well with the roasted meat delicacy. Give your guests a variety of meats to sample; from goat to beef and kuku choma (if your budget allows). To have a nyama choma feast, a large portion of your budget would go to your wedding menu, closely followed by the venue. You could consider hiring a nyama choma spot for such an event. Entertainment would be provided by a Dj. You would cut down on all the other wedding services and your guests would enjoy the treat.

A barbeque option would suit a guest count of 50-80 wedding guests.

Breakfast/Brunch Reception
Are you having a civil wedding ceremony or is you wedding ceremony scheduled for the early morning hours, say between 8:30-9:30 am? Then a breakfast/brunch would be most suitable for you.

Organise for your wedding guests to join you for breakfast/ brunch after you exchange your vows. You could decide to use your church grounds and have a simple breakfast setup with miniature bitings like chipolatas, smokies and mini samosas. The brunch could either be a cocktail affair where guests stand and mingle with other invited guests or it could be a sit down affair, which would require you to have setup options. A breakfast menu is more affordable in comparison to a lunch menu hence a lot of the wedding costs would be cut down.

Wedding breakfasts are inexpensive and are good choice for anyone looking to having a wedding guest count of more than 100 wedding guests.

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Bridesmaids Booty
Previously in this article we had looked had looked at the basics of designing choosing your bridesmaids attire, but in this article we will delve into the deeper details of getting your bridesmaids to look divinely delicious.

Women come in all shapes and sizes so you can bet your bridal party will be an interesting mix! it is often advisable for the bride, to choose a color palette from which the bridesmaids will choose their color outfits, and to decide on the length of their outfits.

For the small and petite bridesmaid, you could recommend that she opts for a dress that has a sheath design. A sheath design has the following characteristics it is form fitting from and contours the body from the top to the hemline. It is a fitting design.
For the  bridesmaid with an hour glass figure you could advise her to  go for the mermaid/ fish design. This design is perfect for her because it flatters the figure. The mermaid/ fish design is form fitting and often flares to the floor from the Knee into a mermaid/ fish design.

For the bridesmaid who is well endowed in her bust area and is slightly tall you could suggest  that she  chooses the ball gown design which is a gown that has a well defined waistline and often ends up into a fuller skirt.

Incase your bridesmaids are totally clueless about their body silhouettes and would need a gown that flatters all their bodies in synchrony then you could have them choose an A-line design. This design universally flatters all body types. It starts with a well defined waistline that eventually ends up in a full body skirt. The A-line is also  good for the bridesmaid who is  pregnant and is in her first or second trimester.

The necklines on the bridesmaids dresses are often relative to their personal choice and what  flatters their neckline.

Color me beautiful
With regards to the colors of the bridesmaid’s dresses this is often decided upon by the bride. As the bride you ought to present your bridal party with a color palette for your bridesmaids to choose from that rhymes with your wedding colors.Break the monotony of having the same color replicated in your bridal wedding party by providing them with a variety of colors to choose from. The right choice color is often dependant on the bridesmaids color tones. Allowing your bridesmaids to choose their color based on a color palette also ensures that they choose a color that they will be comfortable in and hence making the dress more practical for use after the wedding.

Seam Synchrony
Ensure that all your bridesmaids’ dresses are stitched at the same location. Before the dresses are stitched make sure that the correct body measurements are taken to allow for perfect fitting of the bridesmaids dresses.Do not make a mistake of having the dresses stitched by different seamstresses this will lead into an ugly mess that will forever be captured in your wedding photos. Trust me you do not want this to happen!

Recyclable Reusable
Want your bridesmaids to wear their dresses after the wedding? Then avoid using loud screaming fabrics like satin, and if you use it  ensure that the colors are not too bright nor the design not too loud. I am almost certain that you have ever  walked around Nairobi and spotted the odd lady dressed in a sceaming bridesmaids dress, it does not look pretty.

After the wedding have your bridesmaids take their dresses to the dress maker who can alter them accordingly either using additional fabric, removing fabric or  hemming the dress, hence making the dress wearable.

In case of the budget bridesmaid, who can’t afford to have her dress redesigned change the dress look by using the necessary jewelery accessories.

So this is a summary of the steps that you need to take when choosing bridesmaids dresses:

• Choose a good seamstress/tailor that has a good portfolio for bridesmaids dresses.
• With the help of your bridesmaids and seamstress choose a particular color palette that rhymes well with your color scheme and that will offer the bridesmaids a good color range.
• Have the seamstress measure the bridesmaids. She/ He should advise you accordingly on who should wear what style. Use the notes above as an aid. Choose the designs for each bridesmaid.
• Shop for accessories that will complement the bridesmaids dresses designs and style.
• Schedule for dress fitting appointments with the seamstress that should be scattered accordingly within the timelines of the wedding planning process.

Photo courtesy of Jude Gichumbi.

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Where to start?

Baker
Visit your local wedding cake shops and meet up with the different bakers and pastry chefs. You want someone who is open to your ideas and capable of delivering what you’re looking for within budget. It’s a great idea to meet several bakers in order to make the best decision; every baker has a unique style and some specialize in a certain area such as sugar crafts. Go through their portfolio, references, websites, picture galleries and any other information that will help you judge their previous work. Then choose your ideal cake baker and book them at least nine months in advance.

It’s all about you
Come up with your wedding cake style. The Baker will ask a few questions that will assist him in designing your ideal wedding cake. Questions the baker will ask may include: what is your wedding theme? What is your wedding color? How many guests do you expect? Do you have any pictures of your dream wedding cake? How much do you intend to spend on the wedding cake? Any ideas on how you would want to customize your wedding cake decorations? Would you like to use shells, flowers, ribbons, buttons, lace, e.t.c.? The Baker will then be able to advise you appropriately and draw up your cake design.

What’s your flavor?
The wedding cake should look good and taste good as well. Different couples opt for different wedding cake flavors as a matter of personal preference. The couple could opt to have all the tiers in different flavors. The flavors chosen could be the bride and groom’s favorite flavors. The baker will help you with this .Amongst the most popular flavors include vanilla, carrot, marble lemon among others. The baker will organize a sampling to enable you to choose your flavor.

Ask your baker if your cake will be fresh or frozen. With the price you’re paying, you’d want your cake to be as fresh as possible. Some bakers, for logistics purposes, bake the layers early and put them in the freezer, and take them out only when it’s time to decorate. Consider the weather and the venue of the wedding reception. Certain climates are not conducive for certain icings; if you’re having an outdoor wedding in a hot climate, stay away from whipped cream, meringue, and butter cream because they melt.

Wedding cake cost
The bakers are able to come up with your wedding cake costs based on the following factors:

• Quality of ingredients
• Labor involved
• Number of guests to be served
• Wedding Cake Style
• Cost of delivery & setup

Have this in mind when you are choosing your wedding style and theme because some designs prove to be very costly.

Delivery & Installation
Remember to enquire about the wedding cake delivery and installation for the actual wedding day. Get details about the cost of delivery. Most bakers often include this in their wedding cake cost, but in cases where this fee is charged separately, the fee is worth your peace of mind.

Most bakers have professionally trained staff who will decorate the cake table in the theme color and will also set it up properly on the chosen cake stands. The Wedding Planner or Bridal couple should allocate a contact person for the baker so that they can liaise with the baker and his team, on the morning of the setup.

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One of the most overlooked areas during this time is wedding day beauty. Usually the bride-to-be will have envisioned how her hair and nails will look but totally ignores the makeup department or leaves it for the last minute. Yet, you will be photographed on this day more than any other day in your life. In other words, you will be the star attraction.

Begin to think about your wedding day make up at least three months before the wedding. Remember your makeup is only as good as the skin it’s on. Hopefully you have already established a good skin care regimen. Your skin care regimen should include a good cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen, a healthy diet, exercise, drinking plenty of water, facial treatments every 4 to 6 weeks and getting plenty of rest. This will ensure that you do not have any unsightly breakouts before you wedding day. If you have a blemish or a breakout just before your day, keep your hands off your face. Don’t pick or squeeze. It is almost impossible to cover a scab.  The skin that’s well looked after is the one that makeup looks more natural on.
Schedule your last facial at least two weeks before the wedding day

Are you going to hire a professional to do your makeup or are you going to go at it alone? If you are a makeup guru, then be sure you have all the products you will need to achieve a flawless look. You must do a trial run on yourself to see how you will look.

If you decide to hire a professional, have an idea of the look you want to achieve before meeting with them. Take the time to go through magazines and pull the makeup styles that you really like. Remember that on your wedding day, you want to look like you but at your most radiant and beautiful.

Do not try anything trendy. Makeup styles change as often as fashion does. When you look at your wedding album in the years to come, you want to look timeless.
Schedule a trial run with the makeup artist at least a month before the wedding day. This is to give your skin plenty of time to recover should it react to the makeup.

Your make up trial should be on a day that you can go out to see how the makeup lasts and how your friends, family, and fiancé like it. You will also get a good idea on whether your makeup artist is qualified for the job. Make sure that the makeup artist uses quality products. Good quality makeup has staying power.

Another important step in creating a flawless look for your wedding is to make sure that you and your bridal party all have a seamless look. It would be a pity to look radiantly beautiful for your photos then one of your bridesmaids out does herself in the makeup department and stands out negatively in your photos. To be safe, extend the makeup service to your bridesmaids.

Your wedding day is not the day to be stressing about how you look or how you will apply your makeup. So sit back and relax and let the experts pamper you on this day.

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As a couple you will appreciate the support that your family gives you, especially in the wedding planning and coordination process. Your family will be there seeing you transition from daughter to wife, from son to husband. Therefore it is essential that you consider their role in your wedding planning and coordination and delegate accordingly.

But what happens when your parents dictate every little move you make and want you to implement every idea they have including having 1000 wedding guests? They keep reminding you that they went down the aisle before you hence the reason you should follow their instructions to the letter, never mind that they did it way before tiebacks, centerpieces and Kayamba Africa ever saw the light of the day.

How do you stop parents from hijacking your wedding in an amicable manner that will not destroy your future relationship with them? Well, don’t sweat it! From talking to couples who have been in a similar situation, we have compiled a few tricks that will be sure to charm the folks while ensuring that things go your way.

Trick Number One: There’s a new sheriff in town
In the eyes of your parents you will always be there baby boy/ baby girl, hence they are bound to throw the ” I am your mother/ father….I know better” card. It is only proper that after formally announcing your engagement to family and friends, that you host your parents either over dinner or lunch and inform them of the decisions regarding major wedding matters that you have made with your partner. These include your wedding budget, wedding guest count, wedding color theme, wedding service providers, religious tone that your wedding will take and other controversial wedding topics.

It is important that during this meeting that you lay down the law together as a couple.  Questions will be asked and eyebrows raised but you have to present a common front. In case your parents have different opinions, do not be quick to dismiss them, give the ideas a hearing and if you are willing to compromise or blend your ideas and theirs, then you are at liberty to do so, the only condition being that you stay true to your ultimate wedding vision.

Trick Number Two: Delegate. Delegate. Delegate.
It is advisable to have your parents to be part and parcel of your wedding planning. They actually have a right as your parents to enjoy this special time of your life. So you can delegate some light duties to them e.g. organizing for out of town wedding guests’ accommodation and transportation. Ensure that the duties you assign them will are pre-wedding day activities, so that they can be able to sit down, relax and enjoy your big day.

Trick Number Three: Keep them posted
Keep your parents regularly updated on your wedding planning process. You can do this either by sms, a phone call or drop them an email. During the engagement, parents and their children go through an emotional leave and cleave period; this is especially true especially if the child is a daughter. Keeping them updated reassures them that even after you get married your relationship with them will remain solid. Periodically bouncing off ideas on them affirms to them that you still care about their opinion.

Trick Number Four: Listen
It is good once in a while to stop and listen. Always listen to their opinions and consider them. That does not mean you have to do as they say especially if it goes contrary to your wedding expectations. Let them know that the final decision will always lie with you and your partner.

Trick Number Five: Stepping on toes
You can’t please the whole world. This also applies to your parents. Be emotionally prepared to disagree on some issues, but look on the bright side of things. All said and done, the thorny issues may be forgotten as soon as you walk down the aisle, so any temporary feuds are sure to die down with time.

Trick Number Six: Say thank you
Have a thank you tribute for your parents either during the ceremony or reception. You could have a session where you present special gifts to your parents, ensure you have them appear during the vote of thanks either by placing their names on the programs or requesting the emcee to acknowledge them. After the wedding, make periodic visits to check up on them; they will be even more delighted once the grandkids come along!

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The Hour glass body
You have been blessed with a big chest, curvaceous hips and a small waist that all blend in seamlessly to bring out the   hourglass effect. You want to show off your lovely figure and simultaneously make your body shape look proportionate. So what do the fashion doctors recommend for you?

The best wedding gown styles for a bride with an  hourglass shape, are those  that follow your curvy lines, without too much emphasis on  either the top or the bottom, and that show off your defined waistline.

Examples of options that you could explore are like the A-Line wedding gown, which drops off from your waist to show off your beautiful hips, or the mermaid and sheath wedding gowns . Avoid a high waistline wedding gown style, like an empire gown as it may make you look disproportionate.

For your wedding gown neckline you could go for the sweetheart , v neck or off the shoulder neckline. Ensure that your neckline flatters your bust appropriately.

Round / Thick Waisted Body
Your body is punctuated by a thick mid section, that is, your middle area is thick and undefined. The line from your shoulders to your hips is straight.

You should consider getting a wedding gown that will minimize your waist and that will flare just below your waist area, like an A-line wedding gown, or an Empire wedding gown. Avoid any wedding gowns that bring a lot of emphasis to your middle, waist region.

Full figure
This is one of the most common body shapes and is characteristic of the well endowed kenyan bride. You have a full bust, full hips and a big butt with lovely round hips! You want to give your body length at the same time reduce its width. This is best achieved via the A-line which will reduce your fullness. A ball gown will also flatter you but avoid the sheath and mermaid wedding  dress as they  make you look heavier.

For your neckline you could have a low v-neck or scoop neckline. Avoid spaghetti straps.

Pear Shape
Your body type is often referred to as bottom heavy! You are small on the top but quite heavy at the bottom. So you would want to reduce the emphasis on the bottom and increase the emphasis on top so as to create a proportionate look.

Draw attention to your top half by wearing a bodice that has beautiful decorated beadwork. Draw emphasis away from your bottom half by wearing a ball gown, empire waist dress or an A-line. Avoid drawing emphasis by wearing styles like sheath, mermaid or trumpet this brings loads of attention to your heavy bottom.

Petite
Petite is the French word for tiny ( but do I say).Different schools of thoughts suggest different ideas, with regards to the petite bride’s bridal gown.

I am from the school of thought that suggests that you should keep away from a dramatic gown like a princess ball gown reason being that the gown will look as though it is wearing you. In view of this I would suggest that the bride wear an A-line dress or a sheath dress.

Other schools of thought suggest that the bride should wear full skirts with very little detail like the princess gown. I guess my advice would be try on the different styles and take what suits you best!

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The Wedding Band is a sure sign that clearly states to the world that you are married. It is the one item that will make you nostalgic and take you back to that moment when you said those two precious words “I do”. You want this moment to be precious and memorable when you gaze at the rock on your left finger, to be blissful not one of utmost regret because your ring was the wrong color or wrong size! So what are the key things that you should keep into account when you are going to get your wedding bling!

No. 1
What do you fancy? Some love silver others gold, some platinum others diamonds. What do you fancy on your wedding ring finger ? Based on this choose the type of ring that you would love to have on your finger. Browse through jewellery websites and magazines and see examples of your future ring. Visit your local jewellery store and try out a few of the styles that you admire to get the feel of your ring! Keep in mind factors like allergies and wear and tear in mind when choosing your wedding band.

No.2
Create your bling budget!  Before you set out  to get your wedding bands, it would be advisable if you  have a set budget of the money you intend to spend on your wedding bands. You are allowed to be abit extravagant as you will always wear your wedding band after “I do” . Be extravagant but at the same time also be realistic, you don’t have to break the bank because you want the Cartier designer ring.

No.3
Be practical! Well the ring may look all beautiful but may not be suitable for your job description. Choose a wedding band whose design will be able to withstand all the wear and tear that comes along with your job description. Watch out for rugged gem edges that get caught quite easily and also for rings with gaps which allow for dirt and grime to settle easily in the cracks.

No. 4
Go for quality. A large part of your wedding budget is going into purchasing your wedding band! So you have to ensure that you are getting your money’s worth. Genuine wedding bands often have marks that guarantee their authenticity and a majority of wedding bands often have two marks. One mark gives the manufacturers details while the second mark is the quality mark e.g. 18k gold or plat!

No.5
Avoid trends and go for a classic design. You will wear your wedding band for the rest of your life, so choose a style and design that is classic and sure not to go out of date! Classic styles always stand the test of time.

No.6
Get the perfect fit! The jeweler can either use a ring sizing device or a ring from his collection to get you the perfect wedding band fit! The ring sizing device measures the wedding band according to your ring finger. Keep in mind a few factors that affect the ring size this include warm and cold weather, weight gain or loss and for women menstruation. It is advisable to do your wedding ring fit when your body temperature is normal but the jeweler will   guide you on this.

No.7
Flatter you finger. Like you wedding gown or tuxedo the wedding ring is meant to flatter your finger. Pick a ring that will flaunt your finger and not flatter your flaws.

No.8
Your wedding band and engagement ring should complement each other. Most brides often wear both their wedding bands and engagement together. Some jewelers often sell the engagement and wedding ring as a set that locks into each other. If you plan on wearing both rings at the same time this could be a wise option.

No.9
The bride’s and groom’s rings needn’t rhyme! As a couple you are at liberty to choose wedding bands that reflect your own personal tastes. For the couple’s that would like to have matching bands the bride can choose an elegant and ornate band, while the groom can opt for a simple and sophisticated band though both styles will be the same.

No.10
Now that you have all your wedding ring tips in order, its time to go out and order your wedding band. It is advisable if you would order your wedding ring between two and four months before your wedding date. Have them engraved in time if you wish to. Also look out for any after sales services that include cleaning and polishing of the wedding bands!

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Many brides tend to forget that how the bridesmaids dressed is of key importance! Your bridesmaids will be in your wedding photographs and so it is critical that you pay attention to what they wear. To avoid this follow the following tips to the latter and you will not be disappointed!

Color Co-ordinate
It is not advisable to have your bridesmaids wear different colors unless your wedding color theme is rainbow! Your bridesmaids should be carefully color coordinated  for example if your wedding color scheme is black and red two bridesmaids could wear black dresses with red sashes while the other two could wear red dresses with black sashes. Bridesmaids should wear dresses that reflect the color scheme. Gone are the days when bridesmaids would wear dull dresses wedding trends nowadays dictate that bridesmaids are allowed to be as colorful and as bold as they want to be!

Accommodate
Your bridesmaids have different body builds and you ought to take this factor into account. You can have your bridesmaids go for different styles for their attire that flatter their bodies or you could choose a style that is universally flattering like an A-line which is fit for everyone.

Odd man out
As the bride you ought to be the outstanding one, so the outfits that you choose for your bridesmaids should complement your wedding gown and not compete with it. Avoid choosing bridesmaids attire that is similarly colored to your wedding gown for example if you as the bride are dressed in white, it would be unwise if your bridesmaids all wore white dresses!

Bits & Blend
You can blend the style of attire that the bridesmaids shall wear. You can have a clever mix of dresses, tops and bottoms. Your bridesmaids should be free to experiment with different styles of wedding tops and bottoms, they should be in a position to make a choice with regards to design. The color and fabric is often the bride’s prerogative.

About the bill
Tradition had always dictated that the bridesmaids should foot the bill for their wedding wardrobe. Kindly take everyone’s pocket size into consideration when coming up with a design! It would be inconsiderate for you not to take this into account as the bridesmaids are actually doing you a favor to be in your bridal party.

Recycle
Most Kenyan bridesmaids don’t wear their bridesmaids outfits after the wedding even though they often have spent a fortune on them. This is because either the fabric is too loud or the style screams out wedding!!! .  It would be wise , therefore, for bridesmaids to choose their outfits that can be recycled after the wedding. Simple dresses can be converted into any bridesmaids dress dream by a sash, so your bridesmaids should go for dresses that they can convert and wear after the wedding!

The Seal of approval
As the bride it is your bridal duty to give the final approval with regards to the bridesmaids attire! After all it is your wedding day. You will be responsible to scout for  bridesmaids tailor, or advise them appropriately on where to order their dresses.

Maid in charge
Your schedule will probably be too packed for you to attend all your bridesmaids fittings. It would be good to put your maid of honour in charge of informing the bridesmaids about their dress fitting appointments. Only hand over this responsibility to your maid of honour once you are done choosing the bridesmaids outfits and accessories!

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What is a wedding theme?
A theme is a distinct and unifying idea that is recurring through various aspects of the wedding such as those mentioned above. It is a subject that becomes very apparent in the choice of the flowers, colors, cake, wedding gown, décor and even in the entertainment of the wedding. Essentially, the entire layout of a wedding revolves around a particular theme so that one can easily pick out the message that is being communicated through the various components of a wedding. From that definition, it is evident that there are myriads of themes, but they generally fall under two main categories; topical themes and color themes.

Topical themes
Topical themes relate to specific principles, ideas or concepts. It is a way of communicating a specific message throughout the wedding or telling a story to your guests. Topical themes may include spiritual themes such as the last supper, the Garden of Eden, or fruits of the Holy Spirit. They may also be climatic seasons such as summer, autumn, spring or winter. It may even consist of a particular era such as the 70s where all the guests would be expected to come dressed in their best 70s outfits! In essence, a topical theme is like the title of a novel and the way in which the theme is brought out in the different wedding components forms the plot of the story.

Color Themes
A color theme revolves around a particular color. The couple picks out a color or a blend of colors and everything from the flowers and bridesmaids’ dresses to the table and chair linen will be in the chosen color. The wedding stationery will also be printed out in this color and serves as a sort of sneak preview as to what the theme color of the wedding is. It is however possible to incorporate color and topical themes, for example an autumn theme would make use of colors such as orange and rust.

Executing a theme
A wedding theme can be brought out through the various elements of a wedding. The invitations, décor, entertainment, words and every other aspect of the wedding can be used. We’ll show you how.

Invitations and themes
Initially, the theme should be highlighted in the wedding invitations and a brief description of the same should be given, in order to prepare your guests. Try not to divulge too much information about the theme, leave some clues and pique the interest of your guests. Incorporate another brief statement about the theme in the wedding program. Like we said earlier, this is a story you are telling, let them turn the pages in search of how it unfolds! If it is a color theme, the wedding stationery should be printed in that color for cohesion.

Flowers and Themes
Incorporate flowers being relevant to the theme in question. For example, if the theme is spring, the flowers chosen should actually blossom in spring like the butterfly bush. An autumn theme would incorporate dried flowers into the décor. A spiritual theme such as the Garden of Eden would include garden flowers such as chrysanthemums, daisies and sunflowers. An added touch would be a note attached to the flower arrangements indicating the significance of that particular choice of flowers to the theme of the wedding. Therefore, pick out the right flowers to communicate the message you intend.

Words, Words, Words.
Since the theme of a wedding is essentially a story you are trying to narrate, what better way to do it than through words! Have small cards at different tables each with a unique message further detailing the meaning behind the theme and why it is relevant to you. This can also make an interesting activity during the wedding as guests go round reading cards and learning more about the theme. The Master of Ceremony can also relay quotations associated with the theme as the event progresses.

Unique Elements
A selected topical theme always has particular elements that go with it. A garden goes with fruits, flowers and vegetables, while a musical theme automatically gets us thinking of musical instruments and turntables. These items are central to the particular themes and should be incorporated in the wedding décor. They emphasize the theme and add a splash of creativity.
Having a theme at your wedding adds spice to your wedding and is also a way of making your wedding different and delightful. Your guests get to know your tastes and preferences better and you can also share with them principles that are dear to you. Pick one and weave your story.Often when a couple begins planning their wedding, they start by choosing where the venue will be, the design of the wedding gown, the main color or colors that will stand out at the ceremony and reception, what type of flowers will be used and a host of other decisions. What many couples do not realize is that they are essentially working around a certain theme for their wedding.

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We are getting Married!
Announce the engagement to your family & friends. This could be done via an engagement party, save the date emails, SMS’s. MMs’s and visits to the parents. Save the date emails are free and are offered by most wedding websites online. Create an MMS with a photo of you and your partner, with the wedding day details this would be a creative way of doing it, without breaking the bank.

The D-day!
Set a date. Your wedding date could be a special date to both of you e.g. an anniversary date, the bride/ groom’s birthday e.t.c. Be sure to take into consideration the following factors weather, wedding seasons (prices often shoot up during the wedding seasons!), public holidays e.t.c.

Bringing your dream alive!
Design your dream wedding day. What have you always visualized your wedding day to be. Visualize it and bring it to life. This is the time all your wedding day dreams, magazine cut outs, bookmarked wedding websites should be unleashed. As a couple discuss how you would like your day to be. Remember its all about you and your partner not about Aunty Margaret or Uncle Thomas.

Wedding Themes & Color Schemes
Get down to the details with regards to your wedding theme. Do you want a beach wedding, country wedding, Island wedding, African wedding, a black and white wedding, and green wedding? Having a wedding theme helps you customize your wedding so that it can be all about you!! You can get wedding theme ideas from your wedding vendors, wedding websites and also the local wedding magazines.

Money Money Money
Create your wedding budget. Have your overall wedding budget and use a wedding budget model to help you determine what you should spend on each wedding category. Book a wedding consultancy with a certified Wedding Specialist to assist you with this. Have your budget ready when you are going to visit your vendors.

Bringing it all together
Now that you have all your plans laid out, you should begin the execution. Get the best vendors, at the best price to help you bring your dream wedding day all together.

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