Am reading for exams this week and I can tell you one thing, it’s not half bad. This semester I am taking this unit called Women in The Legal Process. I took it because it sounded easy not that am a feminist or anything but I sure am glad I did now. It is really interesting.

The most interesting part however as it turns out is for me was on sexual violence. Maybe am a little weird for liking the discourse but it speaks to me. It really all makes sense now.

Violence against women comes in many forms: physical, verbal and psychological. We have all seen it in our lives and we probably all experience it everyday without even knowing it sometimes. Thanks to the articles I have been forced to read for the exam I have come to understand myself as a woman in ways I probably wouldn’t have. Take this one example for instance; I found an excerpt that speaks of perceived attractiveness as a form of inequality just as much as rape and battery are. Isn’t that just sad? That because we all want to look like a certain kind of woman and we go through thick and thin to achieve that look we are just as bad as someone who has been raped. That was truly eye opening for me. Continue Reading »

Confession time, my late mother-God rest her soul-told us this a few years ago when I had my son, that none of all five of us ever had a bath until we were at least three years old. Imagine!! None of us! I can just imagine the amount of dirt I had on me, and the dirt on grind that ended up in that ‘karai’ at the end of that first time.

The purpose of that story when she told it was to stop me from insisting that I should wash my son everyday when he was a few days old. The plan was, and she even bought coconut oil for that purpose, to wipe him with oil; whichever kind could be found. Ammon was a very quiet lad when he was small, so he would quietly lie still and enjoy the massage mom proceeded to give him. Soon it became a daily ritual right before the little sap went to sleep for the last time of the day.

As is the case with lazy people like myself, I got used to that particular way of doing things. The ‘tush’ would get wet wipes with every diaper change, and the rest of him would be lathered up in cooking coconut oil or olive oil by mom at the end of the day. If we have kept a record of all the times Ammon has had in his life thus far therefore, they would probably not get past 100.

Continue Reading »

I am a cartoon freak. There I said it. I didn’t wait for someone else to say it first. I have been forced to admit it because I was half an hour late leaving the house today because I was watching a commentary on new 3D releases that were made in 2009. Go figure!!!

Anyway, it has recently come to my attention that we don’t all watch cartoons for the same reason. Some people just think they are funny. Some people get life experience from them (like me) and some people just see the colorful pictures (like Ammon-my son by the way).

Back to me then, I really listen to everything that’s said in a cartoon. Really!! I can narrate just about 80% of every word in all the episodes of ‘Dexter’s laboratory’¹. I know who Juniper Lee² is and worse her little brother’s name (see footnote)³. And the one that freaked out the boys, I know Bloo’s⁴ full name. You thought it was just Bloo? Sorry it’s not “Blooregard Q. Kazoo”. If we had this conversation with you before, I checked the spelling. My research skills are dope- thanks to law school.

Because I know Bloo’s full name I have been labeled or rather have now eventually labeled myself a freak- cartoon freak that is. I love them. Utado⁵? Continue Reading »

I took the longest Christmas break this past Christmas. I just packed up a bag of a few pairs of jeans and a couple of my favorite t shirts and left my life.

I didn’t say anything to anyone, well except my siblings. I didn’t say how long I would stay except to my closest friends. I just left.

That is actually why I haven’t written in a long while. I couldn’t. I didn’t have my trust cyber café up the street that I sit at with a packet of yogurt and write.

I had plans all the way up to the end of Christmas but for some reason; they didn’t seem to be what I needed. They required money, they required a designated drive if we all went drinking. They needed me to think, to strategize. Something I was not too willing to do at that time.

So I just left.

I didn’t go some place fun. I didn’t go to some place I would have room service or in the least my favorites French fries, my daily necessity before. I went to my aunt’s. Mama mdogo we say in Swahili. My mother’s sister. One of the last links to my mother we have left.

My son had been staying there for a few months so I was killing two birds with one stone. Continue Reading »

Is it just my imagination or are men in Nairobi are getting less courteous as the days go by.  I have been clicked at by two men in the last one week and I can’t stop getting irritated even by the thought of it. How now!! Imagine, a man clicking at a woman!!  Kwani nani mama kuliko mwingine? Call me when you have been in labor for 18 hours and you can click at me all you like.

And that isn’t even the half of it. We are physically being man handled everyday and we just seem to be taking it all in one stride. I am for women empowerment any day don’t get me wrong, but there are just times when you need to treat a lady like a lady. It just seems however that they are not willing to so here are a few tips to be your own man when the situation calls for it.

Put up a fight
Never go down without a fight! It doesn’t need to be a physical one, just be a wise ass. Talk down at him. Make him seem stupid to your audience. There is nothing as demeaning to a guy as being insulted by a woman in the presence of others. Blame it on the African upbringing, but then again white guys don’t like it either.

In the physical scenario, I can’t even put up a fist how it is supposed to be so I am not saying punch him. There is an alternative: heels- a woman’s best weapon. I love heels to death; they look great even on a shelf let alone on a lovely foot like mine!! But they’re just not meant to sit and look pretty.

Once, some guy was trying to rob my purse in a matatu. He had covered his hand with a newspaper while he rummaged through the contents of my bag. Lucky for him I caught him in the act. Am not all that strong but that day I got a man by his collar and held him still while I took off one of my heels. I put quite a dent in his robber face for all time. I have never been in a fight before in my life. It was so exhilarating!! Continue Reading »

Whoever came up with the marital vows must have been a very ignorant person. He must have been so absolutely oblivious of the entire world, including the person he must have written them for, to come up with such stark nonsense.

I admit, the words could get to you, if you’re twelve and you don’t know anything about what the world is about. A poet like me could appreciate them too I suppose…but am not that blind. There must be meaning in my poetry, life experience so to speak. Write what I know is the one motto I follow to this day.

From the beginning of time, well at least after the first family (Eve, Adam and their twin sons), it is a well known fact that marriages were about money. Your clan could only betroth you to someone who brought something to the family, be it money or a good name. So who the hell was this bugger pretending to be self righteous enough to come up with those words? My only other conclusion could be that he was a big fat liar. That poor girl being lied to!! I feel sorry for her when I think of it. Continue Reading »

Death is quite funny. Funny weird not hilarious! It can creep up on you when you least expect it to, or make it so it’s obvious that it’s coming soon when someone has been sick for a while. But the funniest thing about it I have found is how we live after someone close to you has moved on to their next life.

It’s perplexing how life just goes on despite your pain. You can’t leave the house without making sure you’re dressed to the tee as always. People you walk past in the street have smiles on their faces and there is nothing you can do to whack them off their faces. The birds still chirp, there is still mad traffic. The people at government offices still come to work without their brains and ask you all manner of stupid questions and create complications you never thought possible. The sun still comes up. The radio still plays your favourite song and your reaction to it remains the same: whoop that’s my jam!…

Word spreads like wildfire and before you know it all your ‘friends’ call you, send you emails and send you text messages. Even people you haven’t spoken to in years. Apparently it is the African spirit to be there for each other when one person is in turmoil. They call it ‘harambee’. It doesn’t matter that you are in the least bit bothered to answer you phone when it rings or to check your emails. They just come in the numbers trying to be helpful, and not listening when you say your fine. Continue Reading »

I recently bought my first authentic Louis Vuitton bag and the many complements I seem to be getting about it especially the fact that its pink is well worth how much it would have cost me to get a new one from the shops. Obviously mine isn’t new and didn’t cost me the $125 I later realized it was worth after a very long search on the web for a bag just like it. But I have made such a big deal about it being a Louis since I saw it.

If you and I were buddies, you would know that up until now I have never cared much about my appearance. In fact a girl friend of mine once had to point out that I had worn the same pair of jeans Monday through Friday just to get a rise out of me so I wouldn’t do it again. I haven’t stopped. That sort of thing really doesn’t matter at all. Really! So its been a really big weekend of self discovery for me when I found out that I do care about my appearance. Well at least this all started with a Louis Vuitton bag. It’s well worth it that I came in with style.

One of the things I have happened to discover is that I often stare at guys from behind to get a peek at the Tommy Hilfiger boxers showing at the top of their jeans or whatever else is being sported at the same time. It doesn’t matter that the stuff is fake! I notice and I form an opinion of the poor sap from the look of his boxers. You all do it don’t deny it. The only difference between me and you is the fact that I have confessed that I do. But note this however; I would never date a guy whose boxers the whole world gets to see along with me. I like the idea that am the only one that gets to see you naked or at least in your boxers so if everyone else sees them too am afraid I won’t want you! Continue Reading »

It often happens in my mind that when I get mad at a guy, I plot about how I will get each and everyone one of them out of my life. Am probably not the only one but this happens so often that I have come with a whole list of all the reasons why it would be better for me to. I use it all the time to convince myself. That particular list however is a little futile again thinking the way that I do.

In law when we learn a new rule, we learn all its core principles, its history: the reason why it came to be in the first place. Then we are taught the exceptions, the different circumstances where it has to be ignored for the greatest good. Continue Reading »

Most women use science to justify certain facts in their lives and here is one such piece to make you think that even science supports you.

Its been said that the power of suggestion is so great that in a classroom situation a student knowing a right answer can say the wrong one just because they heard someone else say it. In life it happens too. Remember your friend who told you that a certain guy that you both know has always had a thing for you? Then for some reason you started noticing him a lot and seeing all the good traits that he had that you had never noticed before? That’s the power of suggestion.

Human nature is inclined to self preservation. If an opportunity presents itself that makes you believe even to the slightest extent that heading in that direction would save you time or even some embarrassment, you will most likely head in that direction. Continue Reading »