If you had the option of choosing what precise moment you prefer to die, what would your choice be? Most of us would probably say just after going for confession. Let’s face it; none of us likes the idea of paying for our sins, right? Sins by definition are everything your mama and your pastor or priest have told you not to do, but which for some obscure reason appear infinitely more appealing than the good deeds. But what to do? It is what it is, right? Ok, enough of that.

One of the Sins I was repeatedly admonished against as I grew up was ‘Girls’. I’m serious. My list of the top ten sins to avoid had ‘Girls’ leading at first position by a colossal margin. Precisely put, I remember such assertions as ‘Achana na hawa wasichana’, ‘Wasichana watakuharibia maisha’, and my favourite one, frantically delivered just before I left for campus, ‘Ukiwaona, toka mbio!’.

It came as a complete surprise to me when my Paps raised this issue for the first time, during one of our scant-but-still-scary father-son bonding sessions. Turns out ‘Girls’ wasn’t a sin; and that’s how ‘Girls’ lost the singles quotes. “Girls are good”, he said. “But not now”, he concluded with finality. According to Paps, I had to finish my schooling first before I earned any rights to Girls. Girls would distract me from achieving his dream of fathering the first ‘A’ material in our village. Nothing was going to come between me and his social bragging rights, nothing!!

In the face of this maze of declarations regarding this mysterious opposite sex, who would blame me for being increasingly curious? Thus I began staring. Continue Reading »

I am Muslim (I love how that sounds so scary, BAM!), and never knew how funny muslim mothers could get. A few days ago, i was at a friends’ house,who had invited us, with another couple of families (yes, we do big like that) for dinner. There was my family, a French one, and another Pakistani one.

At first the dinner thing appeared to be really nice and empty of any weird thoughts (wait for it..), until I got up to get more cups from the kitchen and that our host followed me to gossip a bit. She by the way slipped in a couple of words about the Pakistani mother who was looking for a bride to her son, and joked about how she had lied to the woman who had asked her if she knew someone, while she actually knew me! This last part of the statement made me laugh, briefly, and then got me thinking of the expectations of a young Muslim girl’s family, still traditional even in our era. Continue Reading »

I have endeavored to keep account mainly about child upbringing and single parenthood to date. However, today I will digress and talk about men and the current lack of chivalry among them.

So much is being said about us women having become so easy to get, loose, immoral etc. However, for every action, there is a reaction. Men today have no qualms about lamenting on and on about how women have worn trousers and taken up their roles.

Harken men! This is a sign that you have so failed to do your bit, that woman- the ever efficient multitasking person- has decided to also do your share of the work; in order to keep the race moving at the rate it should. Surely I imagine, if we women did not take up some of our male roles, earning, child upbringing, decision making, paid manual labor etc, our species would be underdeveloped and maybe under fear of being overtaken by aliens or wild animals. Just my two cents.

Traditionally, men were supposed to hunt, gather food, protect, instruct and guide the woman in family matters. Tradition flew out the window, when men replaced brains with brawn. Continue Reading »

The season of giving is finally here! Well, at least for me. A time to sow what I shall hopefully reap before Christmas comes around. Boy, do I dread Valentine’s Day.

I’m not much of a genius when it comes to relationships and romance. This probably explains why I have never in my dating life, celebrated two consecutive Valentines with the same love bird. Of course when my friends inquire about this statistic, I proudly declare that there are too many bird species in the wild for me to hold on to one for too long. I then boastfully add that if not for the stringent rules governing the Guinness book of World Records, I should have already broken some record related to the most number of women dated in a year. Then I order another round of drinks to that effect. Continue Reading »

Do your bookshelves heave with self-help books or do you prefer the trial and error approach to love and relationships?

With over two thousand self help books being published around the world every year, there is a plethora of books available for women needing relationship advice. Some of them are fabulous, some are indifferent and others are positively harmful.

The titles of some of the very popular books range from blunt ones like ‘Catch him and Keep him’, and ‘What every woman must know about her man’ to more subtle titles like ‘Capturing the heart of Mr. Right’, and ‘The good wife’s guide’.

Each of these books promise you tips on how to have your man eating off your palm, how to get him to sign on the dotted line …and the list goes on. And if you have been ruined by all the self help books you have read before, the next one promises to change that by offering you ‘tried and tested success tips’. Continue Reading »

Kamau is attracted to a woman named Diana. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Diana, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

“Really!?” exclaims Kamau.

And then there is silence in the car. To Diana, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: “I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he isn’t ready for, or isn’t sure of yet.”

And Kamau is thinking: “Gosh. Six months!”

And Diana is thinking: “But, hey, I’m not so sure what kind of relationship this is, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know Kamau that well?”

And Kamau is thinking: . . . “so that means it was . . . let’s see . …February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . let me check the odometer . . .Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here!” Continue Reading »

I heard that quote on Isidingo, and it got me thinking. At the end of the day, despite feminism, liberalism, and all the other -isms, the average man still prefers to catch his own meat. Never mind that once they catch it, they take a bite, get bored, and look for new prey. As one man said on Nini’s show, “It’s like a dog chasing a cat. What does it do with it once it catches it?”

The thrill, apparently, is in the chase. So, logically, if you want to keep enjoying the attention, chocolate, late night calls and general adoration, well girls, don’t get caught. Which goes back to playing hard to get. This is a classic case of FCT – Fox Chasing Tail.

Now mind you, here I refer to the average man. There are a few men out there who don’t mind having girls chase them. And there a lots of above-average women who are actually willing to chase! But until we can consistently get these exceptional people in the same time frame, we have to play by everyone else’s (average) rules. Guys chase, gilrs run, guys catch girls, guys get bored and chase other girls. Continue Reading »

A phenomenon that I have always heard about recently came knocking at my door. I never used to believe the “rumors” that guys go to church to look for nice Christian girls to marry or date or whatever, well, that was until it happened to me.

See, I am your average church girl. I grew up in church, I go to church, I am involved in church, I talk about church…really, I am a church girl.

This is not necessarily a good thing, according to some. Family members and random acquaintances used to warn me…as much as you go to church, watch out for those church men.

Huh?

Why?

I have never dated one and the guys I have dated or “dated” have never been church guys. And granted, they were nothing to write home about, many hurt me and with many I found out we had nothing in common and nothing worth building a future on, after all the pixie dust and starry eyes had worn off and grown dim.

So what could be worse, church guys? I think not!

Anyway, so I met a church guy. Boy, was I excited! Finally I get to meet someone who speaks my language!

NOT! Continue Reading »

Sometime back, Churchill King’ang’i and Maina wa Kageni were on about whether or not single women above thirty “kidu”-something- get miserably lonely and need to have a man. As usual I was listening to the first part of this twosome breakfast show, while in the bus on my way to work. King’ang’i was having a good time rubbishing all those single ladies calling in to claim their long and/or new found joyous loneliness, and Maina as usual was adding “kudos’” to those same sisters.

Things got heated when the talk got to “pia those over 40”. That King’ang’i …..I have given him a wanted. Churchill, stand warned. Utapatikana. Eeniwe, this here me girl, is forty something. Granted, I could do well with having a good, well mannered, rich, mature, respectable, church going, God Fearing, sober, non-smoking, well spoken and extremely well educated, jocular and hard working man. Actually if I dare say so, so could well, all of my girlfriends who are my age mates. Why not? Majority of us “forty Kidus” have children. None of these are from a holy conception.

Just for one small issue. Where is this man? Please, please, note that I did not describe a perfect man. Note that I did not ask that he can be tall, handsome, or the most wonderful surrogate or adopted “Baby daddy” of my three loves- Miss D, Sonny and my baby. Neither did I state that he be able to help in housework, or cook for us, or pick and arrange his socks and what nots. Neither too is there mention or hope for kind, understanding, helpful, considerate and non interfering “horrors-in-law”. I will take them as they come-mad, nosey pokey, irritating habits and all. Not all relatives can be as perfect as ours (snigger). Continue Reading »

So Lady Love has been quiet for some time but guess what I must say that it is for the better. This is because it has been a time for me to read research and practice, practice, practice.

I feel obliged to ask this question. Knowing well that sex education is important in our society following that teens are doing what has forever been our “adults only “indulgence. My question is, do fireworks go off when you have your big O? Or can we comfortably say that something just a little tingly feeling happens when you have an orgasm or just a new feeling of enthusiasm nothing big or major. Whichever category you fall in, you are perfectly normal.

As I said I have been away doing a little discovering, thanks to Google and my ob-gyn,I learnt a couple of secrets that I would really like to share with you. At this point I would like to issue a disclaimer that you must must must add a personal element or a touch of your own personality. Continue Reading »