Daisy is one insightful girl. It’s one of her most endearing qualities, and often times, her main source of headaches. How I forgot this little fact I still don’t know. Friday evenings would typically be either movie nights, game nights or a combination of both. It had always been an unfair arrangement since we would both retire at the wee hours of the morning yet I had to report to work on Saturdays, while she didn’t. I really didn’t mind it though.

For a whole week, I had been trying to figure out the best way to tell my girlfriend, who was mad at me half the time, that another girl, who happened to be a million times prettier than her, had come to my house, used our(my) shower, dressed up in her clothes, including that red top that she had asked about at least thrice so far, and now wanted me to meet up with her the next week to catch up, you know, like old friends. There was no easy way in sight, but I was determined to find it.

Come Friday, and there were, cuddled on the Sofa watching a movie whose title escapes my memory. “Sweetie, I need to ask you something” she announced in the middle of some romantic scene. She never entertained interruptions while a movie was on, a habit that happens to be a major weakness of mine.

“Yeah, of course babe” My nerves warned me that this wasn’t good.

“Are you cheating on me?” I almost choked on the peanut in my mouth. Read the rest of this entry →

I love to read articles about understanding men, mostly from the home page on MSN. Every time I discover some delicious new fact about our Martians, I try it out on my better half. His response is always something like, ‘The trouble with women is that they take all their man-talk from other women.’

I always want to yell,  ‘Men don’t talk about their feelings, so we have to discover them through other women … or gay friends!’ And somehow I don’t think man advice from a gay pal counts for much, because their thought process is painfully close to mine.

Unless of course he’s a guy-gay, in which case he probably knows nothing about women.

When the movie first came out in 2003, I swore I wouldn’t watch it. My swearing didn’t have any particular motive. It wasn’t about being macho and resisting chick flicks, even though I had just watched that traumatising movie with Renée Zellwegger. I don’t remember what it’s called, but it had a lot of pink, and one scene had a simulated split screen lap dance dry humping thing … which some people found funny, but I found incredibly sad.

The real reason I avoided 10 days is because from what I could see in the preview, I was definitely a 10 days kind of girl, and nobody needs that kind of affirmation. Read the rest of this entry →

I’m not a big believer in internet dating, even though I’ve met a lot of loved ones that way. The whole concept just seems contrived and artificial. Though, for the record, I’m not big on offline dating agencies either.

It’s a bit different when you’re not going online specifically to find a mate. I found the love of my life on a website for writers, and what started out as an exchange of style and prose ended up in a beautiful relationship.

This story – the one I’m about to tell – started with a pretty girl looking for a dance partner. The reason she couldn’t find one offline is that she’s tall. Really, really tall. Naomi Campbell in spiked heels is a dwarf to her kind of tall.

The girl’s name is Keisha, and she’s 6 foot 5.

Keisha wanted to find someone to dance with for … whatever reason. The online stories don’t say. She went on a site for tall people, and a guy named Wilco responded to her question with ‘I’m 7 feet tall, is that enough?’

Years later, the couple are happily married with two beautiful [and  extremely tall] multicoloured babies. Read the rest of this entry →

So … a few milliseconds past the 35 year mark and I find myself back in the social experiment more popularly known as dating. Senora I won’t get into the Mexican style soap opera drama of how just yet but suffice to say he lied, he cheated and when all was said and done I won the kids and dogs.

Now I must be honest about this … I could take the knocks when I was younger, slimmer, blissfully ignorant and full of that youthful exuberance you pine for as they, the young bloods, drift by while you stuff your face at one of the lovely food courts in our malls.

My blind date number 1 was somewhat (significantly) younger than me. I had refused to be sucked into the pleas for a date and knew I’d crossed the line when I used the ‘courting’ word instead of ‘hanging out’. Branded difficult and unrealistic by my single, dateless, 35+ girlfriends they planned an intervention. Amidst tears, shrill screams, stiff drinks and ‘you go girl’ cheers I called him and we made plans to meet up for a drink. So ….I finally find the bar with the hip name and after a mind numbing two hours here are my three tips if you opt to walk the dating plank again. Read the rest of this entry →

“You know what your problem is Lawrence!? You are too proud!!”

“Really!? Because the last time I checked you were a stubborn disrespectful bitch!!”

“What!!!? You have two seconds to get out of here or else I swear to Bazuzu!! One…Two..”

This was probably the tenth fight that Daisy and I were having in a span of just two months.

We were so close to clearing one year since we started going out (a first time feat for me). For some obscure reason, we were going through a very passionate phase of our relationship. The fights would start with something as petite as dirty dishes in the sink, escalate to how I treated her like a house maid, then to how I thought she needed to respect my house, and finally to my pride and her bitchiness. Then came the countdown, One…Two… and for fear of whoever Bazuzu was, I always walked out. I would spend some time with Masai the watchman, and two hours later take the stairs back to MY HOUSE, engage in a brief apology session, and some amazing make up action would ensue. I loved the make up, but I was worried that one day she would be the one walking out and I would have lost my Daisy forever. Tim (my ex roommate and close ill advisor) kept on about how we were about to cross over to the next Phase of our romance, and that we just needed to get past this.

“It’s like baptism by fire. The first real test on how true you are to each other” He said.

Tim has been in a relationship with the same girl since I first met him which is longer than I care to remember. As you can imagine, I was inclined to acquiesce to his teachings. Read the rest of this entry →

We all have been heartbroken, it was my first time, the ache was too much, my heart was in ruins, it did not help that it was raining and I was getting late for an interview, Murphy’s Law was in total force. That is when I saw him, in black trousers, a red cap and a red t-shirt written, “Dig This?” He had a baby face, not too light, not too dark, curly hair and a swagger in his step. I dug him already.

He smiled as he walked toward me and in a moment I glanced behind, to make sure it was my smile. I did not return it though. He came to me, took my hand, I did not object, asked me where I was going, I did not answer, so he asked again, “tao msupa” (going to town beautiful?) I just nodded, there was something creeping from my hand to my heart. At the matatu, he opened the door for me and sat me in.

I was charmed, we all have our presumptions of how matatu conductors are complete jerks and unlearned, and this one was quite something. I immediately trashed those thoughts, I was after all in university and he was well just doing his job, he had to get people into the matatu.

As I watched him shout and call passengers, I started to see how handsome he was, not too tall, not huge, just my type. He came to talk to the driver and in the process asked if I was okay, I nodded. Read the rest of this entry →

Its one of those Wednesdays.

Shirley is busy packing her numerous belongings into her hand bag while bidding her colleagues good evening. She often thinks of quitting this Bank Teller job, but some days stand out more than most. Like today for instance. It takes 4 days for a cheque to mature! Simple and Clear. So why would a grown up man, bring his ugly face to the bank two days later!? As if that’s not enough, claim that the bank is too slow, and try to debate bank policy with her, a mere bank Teller!?

Anyway, thank God the day is over. Hopefully Becky will have some juicy stories to cheer her up with when they meet up in 15 minutes. “Oops!” she exclaims, glancing at her watch. She’s already late. She bends down to trace her high heels. She finds one, squeezes her right foot into it while scanning her booth for the other. It’s nowhere to be found, again! She knows who the culprit is.

She limps into James’s booth and there it is. “Not funny Jaymo!” She hisses, while painfully putting it on. Seriously, is her left foot bigger than her right? She wonders for the hundredth time. No way, it must be these damn shoes. Why can’t Jaymo just grow a pair and ask her out instead of playing these stupid games? Read the rest of this entry →

Musing between how to end it or make it work…surely things cannot be this hard? Not if two people are really truly interested in sorting out the important issues? What else could he do after he realized that he couldn’t love her the way she wanted to be loved? At least not now…he was hurting too much about so many issues that she couldn’t understand. Yet he wondered why it was so difficult to reach her when she had seemed so approachable in the beginning. Maybe it was just the same cycle of coming round full circle; loving the same kind of distant, unavailable woman each time, no matter what he tried.

Today it was the heated matter of “boundaries” in relationships especially in marriage. He quipped that marriage by its very institution was sacred on its own and those coming into it ought to know that it already comes with set boundaries. It is now a unique and exceptional relationship where you choose to remain loyal and faithful to one. Her stance that she was right in pursuing other interests because her needs weren’t being met were irrelevant, he raved.

And couldn’t it just simply be a matter of sharing one’s viewpoint on the matter? Why did it have to be dissected so much while he was psycho-analysed?

It seemed to him that, of late, she was always looking for a bone of contention…getting him angry and responsive at all costs. Was this what other husbands faced in their homes? If so then mankind was doomed! There was no one in their right mind who would be happily contemplating walking down the aisle after he shared his experiences! Read the rest of this entry →

Much ado about nothing, you say? Well if Integrity isn’t that big a deal in society why do we vilify those caught cheating or playing the field? It seems to be the latest fad in the media whenever one’s word is doubted or someones hand is caught in the cookie jar…

Integrity will speak a lot for our Character. It speaks about our basic nature…our value system…the things we stand for (or won’t stand for). It is tied to Consistency (what you see is what you get). Do we keep your word? Are there areas in our lives we can honestly admit to weaknesses and shortcomings without a defense/excuse? Can people trust our response on a certain matter or do goal posts shift with us?

When we critically analyse our relationships with this as the yardstick, we are not surprised then that there is so much mistrust among us because no one seems credible. You meet someone and when they are well-mannered or hospitable, you look for the ‘catch‘: wondering when the shoe will fall, when they will catch you off guard and stab you in the back, or take your closely guarded secret and scream it from the rooftops. A close friend confides that she has found few who are consistent in their lives; so much scheming and underhandedness seems to be the order of the day. Our politicians say one thing today and join the next camp tomorrow for political mileage, some of our spiritual leaders ‘preach water and drink wine’, civil servants in public office whose mandate it is to be of service to the public are sometimes found AWOL during office hours when their service is so critical, ‘matatu’ conductors promise their passengers safe travel to their an eventual destination/s, only to drop them off unceremoniously halfway through the journey on a whim or because of making a quick buck! Read the rest of this entry →

I am not one to kiss and tell, so if anyone, especially Daisy, ever asks if we had this conversation, IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. I will deny and swear by my Great great grandfather’s grave that it wasn’t me.

Sigmund Freud

I have heard far too often that there is nothing like ‘deep friendship’ between boys and girls, men and women, males and females …you can finish off the list. Reason being very simple, as my good old friend Sigmund Freud says without flinching a muscle, it’s all about sex. If she is not my sister or first cousin, then yeah, trust Freud, it’s all about sex.

Males and Females, human and animal alike, are drawn to each other by purely sensual bonds, supported by a deeply rooted but also hugely tacit hope that at one point in the near future, the so called ‘friendship’ will culminate in sexual gratification. Yes he is your boy from the hood, yes you have known him since he was wetting his pants, yes you even saw him naked once, yes you two have been through too much together to even consider that option, yes even your mother thinks of him as her son, yes he says sometimes he even forgets that you are a girl. Deep inside, deep deep inside, like really deep inside, he hopes you two will one day do it, if you haven’t done it already. Oh, and here’s the best part, you too share the same sentiments. Hard to believe until you end up in my kind of quandary then you stop hating on Freud.

You see, I always thought Freud was a deeply disturbed person who in his time could have benefited greatly from psychiatric help. I have friends, girls, whom I have known as we like to put it, ‘like since forever’. We played ‘Kati’ and ‘Cha mama’ and other games whose names escape my lazy mind for now. We splashed mud on each other on our way from nursery school, made fun of each other all through primary school, and wrote hilarious letters to each other through out high school. Read the rest of this entry →