“It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new life…” or so goes the jazz song. On August 27th 2010, the new Kenyan constitution was promulgated.

PS: I finally looked up the meaning of this long, eagerly used word and according to The Collins Paperback English Dictionary, Promulgation is “1. to put into effect (a law or decree) by announcing it officially…2. to make widespread.” Now you know; you’re welcome

CONGRATULATIONS to all Kenyans for making this huge, life- altering decision. Regardless of how one voted, let’s all move FORWARD and create a new life for ourselves and our future generations.

Speaking of promulgation, it’s appears that it is also a new dawn in the telecommunication industry, what with all the fighting between Zain and Safaricom. I’m not gonna lie, I was so thrilled to see Zain land a huge blow to Safaricom. The truth is, Safaricom had become Suffericom; the bitter option for me. This may not be the most original line but gosh, it precisely and consisely expresses my feelings toward Safaricom. This company had become so arrogant and complacent but I stuck it out because I didn’t think there was a better option; I simply didn’t trust Zain and definitely wasn’t sure about YU. Read the rest of this entry →

What’s up with Kenyans’ obsession with all things American???

Case in point 1: Why on earth do we price things in US Dollars? I mean, when Kenya Airways advertises flights in USD, is that their way of telling us that they’re now “The Pride of America”? I know we have a lot of foreigners living here or travelling here but surely, does that mean that we must now ape what they do, say and are?

Is it just me or didn’t we already go through this obsession in the mid to late 90’s? I remember it like it was yesterday: Kenyans would flock the embassy (at the time, located in the city center) in the wee hours of the morning only to be met with cold, steely eyes. It was like a lottery into ‘heaven’, and those who didn’t get in felt like losers. I thought that whole mess had calmed down a bit but I realize now that it has only begun.

Case in point 2: Our constitution. Before you toss the rotten tomatoes, allow me to say this: our constitution seems to be a shameless copy of the American constitution. My issue is not in the actual passing of the constitution. It’s in the wording and structure. We may (or may not) need a new constitution but why must it be so Americanized. Read the rest of this entry →

My good people, I have news. Big news. HUUUUUGE news! Are you ready? I hope so because after I tell you, I’m gonna need your help, ok?

I’M MOVING. Countries. Continents! I’m desperate for a change after 8 months in one place. Commitment-phobe anyone? LOL. Reasons don’t matter so much; maybe it’s just an itch that needs to be scratched (I’ve been known to do a couple of radical things every few years, including piercing my navel and shaving my head) or something more meaningful. All I know is that it could be a wonderfully life changing experience. Who knows?

Here’s where I need your help. I need a country to go to. Haha…there goes a sentence I never thought I’d say  I’d prefer if it was in Europe and definitely not North America (nothing personal it’s just that I’ve been there done that. I need a change). Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. I’m black. I don’t usually say that since I don’t think it matters but if I’m going to move to a European country, I’d like it to be not-so-blatantly racist. Just to be clear, I’m not looking for a perfect land; just a place where I won’t end up in actual danger based solely on the color of my skin. Read the rest of this entry →

It’s been a while since my last post but don’t be mad. Once you find out what I’ve been up to you’ll wish you were there with me. Before I get to the business of making you green with envy, let me start by asking how’ve you been? I like hearing from you so definitely let a sista know what’s good with you. Ready to go green?

Ok, I did something I never thought I’d do. Actually, that’s not entirely true; I’ve always wanted to do it but conditions just never seemed right. I’ve traveled and lived alone but never done this. I took first solo vacation ever and it was a blast! Yay!!!!!

Picture it: South Coast, gorgeous beaches, lovely views, great food and lots of it, freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted, approved laziness, 4am movie nights with coconut for snacks, eating alone, skimpy little outfits, the ocean for a lullaby, reading trashy magazines by the beach wearing BIG vacation sunglasses, drinking the milk of fresh young coconut with flowers in it, spoiled rotten, 2 hour head-to-toe spa treatment, interesting people and peace of mind that was out of this world and that’s not even all of it. Leopard Beach Resort and Spa has perfected the art of hospitality (and they’re not even paying me to say that. I promise).

If you’ve never taken a solo vacation, please do. This was honestly one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Ever! The memory of it, one month later still brings a smile to my face. Read the rest of this entry →

I would like to lodge a formal complaint to someone, perhaps God, about these darn green things. I feel terrorized by them. I am offended that I can’t walk home or anywhere else for that matter without wondering from whence these nasty terrorists will appear. More importantly, I am on the constant look-out lest they land their nasty little wide legs on me! Ladies and gentlemen, this translates into a state of constant fear and it’s not funny or cute.

Allow me to state in my complaint the many ways in which they terrorize me.

1. They render me speechless
I literally can’t think beyond a few quickly uttered curse words once one is spotted. Even these choice words are uttered within the first nonasecond after which point I am rendered speechless, shaking like a leaf and making incomprehensible sounds of fear. A girl can’t live like this!

2. They interfere with my work
Let me be clear here: I am a mature, hard working, clear headed, lively person. I am also quite good at my job, which requires me to stand infront of groups of people and provide/present information in a clear, concise, understandable and fun manner. Imagine what it must do to my image when, I see one and promptly shriek, clam up and/or leave the room until this green bodied offender is either murdered or gently escorted (read: thrown) out. Let’s just say that it puts my professionalism into question.

3. They are threatening to interfere with my personal hygiene
Simply put, I am willing to skip a shower and you can forget about me brushing my teeth because these pests love to get into my bathroom area. I once begged my mother (yes, you read that right) to go into the bathroom and rescue me from one that was still in there before I could take a shower. She did as requested, except that she then proceeded to come out with two instead of the one previously spotted! I swear this is starting to feel personal! Read the rest of this entry →

Ok, so first of all, happy belated Easter. Clearly I’m in a whole other time zone coz Easter totally passed me by. I did however have a chance to go out of town and visit some relaz. While there, I observed something that I thought I’d put to a vote with my readers so please indulge me.

I was around several children of varying ages; 2, 5 and 10. Let’s just say that their behavior left a lot to be desired. In fact, I turned to another relative and declared them to be my most effective form of birth control, better than any pill or condom ever made. I think what bothered me the most was that they weren’t necessarily difficult as children can sometimes be. They were difficult in an “I heard you call me, I heard you tell me not to do that, I hear now telling me to come to you or go outside, but I’m not going to do a darn thing you tell me and there’s NOTHING you can do about it, even if you’re my auntie, uncle or grandma” kind of way. To make matters worse, THEY WERE RIGHT!

I was raised by a parent who let it be known that if I was ever caught doing wrong by anyone I would get a spanking from the neighbor/relative etc (for the wrong done) and from my mum twice (once for the mistake and again for embarrassing her). Let’s just say I always had this sense that my neighbors, aunties, uncles, teachers et al were all watching me every second of my existence and were firmly planted on my mum’s side.

Of course if I was being victimized or needed protection from whoever, they were on my side. Knowing all this, you can image my shock and dismay to find that in these kids’ parent’s eyes, they were perfect angels and those of us who called them out for their mistakes became the enemy of the parent present (in this case, the mother more than the father). Incidentally, all the adults present – minus said parents – could clearly see that these kids were not behaving in an appropriate or acceptable manner. My question then is this: does it still take a village to raise a child? Read the rest of this entry →

Dear Diary,

What came first? The chicken or the egg? OK, more specifically who started this losing war? The women who demanded too much from men, thus turning them into chivalry-deprived, insensitive, sex-crazed empty souled creatures (deep breath) OR the men who, due to their above-named issues turned women into gold-digging, self respect-lacking, easily sexed, easily pleased, empty souled creatures? Does it matter? Dear Diary, who cares?????

Listen, I suppose the point I’m trying to make it is this: I feel like lots of people are in the biggest race of their lives, trying to impress people they don’t know with money they don’t have and things they don’t need. In addition, these same blind-leading-the-blind people are also in a great mysterious quest to prove something to someone: that they matter! The sad thing is, these people often end up with pie in the face because as it turns out:

1. Of course they matter. They never had to prove it anyway because it’s a given; an obvious fact. Of course they matter, money or no money. Sex or no sex. Relationship or no relationship. No matter what they think they need to matter, they DO matter so what’s with the rat race to prove the obvious? Duh! Read the rest of this entry →

Dear Diary,

Here I am sitting in the darkness. I have to say, it’s pretty nice trying to play scrabble with some really cool people, squinting in the candle light to see the letters on the old tiles. Actually, they’re playing and I’m chilling. Kenyan style. In the dark

Seriously though, how was your week? Mine was interesting, as usual. Here’s the thing on my mind though: A non-Kenyan male friend recently shared with me that the word on the street is…are you ready? “Kenyan girls are cheap.” Whaaaa???!!!?!?!? I’ve gotta say I got a bit defensive about that, for all of 5 seconds. He was kind enough to let me in on why Kenyan girls have such a nasty reputation. According to him, if they (the girls/females) think that you might have money and/or you’re a foreigner, then they’re willing to give up what they think the man wants. OUCH! Since that very painful conversation, I’ve tried to look at things from the male perspective and I have to admit that it’s not looking good. Ladies, is this true?!?! Read the rest of this entry →

Dear Diary,

I honestly don’t feel like sharing much. Maybe it’s coz I’m sleepy or maybe I’m just a little bummed. Maybe both. This week, I had to say goodbye to someone I very much rather not say goodbye to. They mean a lot to me and I’m disappointed that it has come to this. Honestly I just wanna have myself a little boohoo party but I’m a big girl now, so I guess I’m taking the stiff-upper-lip approach, with a small quiver in my lower lip

Have you ever had to say goodbye to someone you’d rather stayed? Maybe broken up with someone when you were hoping it’d last or had to end a friendship that just wasn’t working out? What did you do to get through it? How did you cope? What advice or suggestions would you give me? Please share with me in the comments section. I could use the encouragement this week.  Read the rest of this entry →

Dear Diary,

What a rough, weird and interesting week! I’ll skip the rough and interesting and go right to the weird. I met a guy. Nothing weird about that, right? So how come in our first conversation he asked for my number so that he can “flash me” so I can call him back? This was right after he implied that I was fat (gasp!) Still need to be convinced diary? How about this? By the next conversation – and by next I mean second – he referred to me as his girlfriend and insisted on it! Ohhhh dear diary but there’s more. By our third conversation he insisted on referring to me as his wife! WHAAAAAA??? Is he crazy?

Ok, I know what you’re thinking: he was probably joking…nothing serious…meant no harm…don’t take these things too seriously…blah blah blah. I admit that maybe I was getting abit too serious about it but still; don’t you think it’s a tad much to be talking like that to someone he barely knows? We haven’t even been on a first date for goodness sakes! Well, I knew it’d take some convincing for you to see this my way so here’s the last straw for me.

During our last conversation, he actually said – OUT LOUD – “oohhhh, you sound horny!” Dear diary, are your eyes bulging out of their sockets yet? Did you just throw up a little in your mouth? Feel any disgust? Well, I did! That was the last straw, especially after he repeated himself twice. Dear Diary, I’m done with this weirdo. Count me out! Next! Read the rest of this entry →