Mr. Perfect has one downfall. Need for speed. He wants that in the first time he spends his hefty travel allowance on my darling friend she has to show her gratitude in an adult’s only kind of way which most normal women find repulsing.

I like the idea of a man in the quest to conquer mine heart, but it is the strategy that he uses that will determine his success rate. That sounded like chemistry or physics if you ask me. The thing is as much as women enjoy being pursued, they also enjoy patience in your quest.
When a woman asks that you take it slow, she means get you head out of your shorts and use what’s in your brain too, to get her to like you. Ever wonder why not so good looking men have beautiful (very beautiful) gals hanging onto their arms? Rich or otherwise? They have learnt to make up for what our Mr. Ego has left out: Patience. They have learnt to give a woman space to feel that she is in control of herself despite that she gets all giddy when you walk in and a Halleluiah jingle breaks out in her head and heart.

When the lady you are trying to get says we need to talk and drops the line that you should take it slow; in polite terms she means you need to tame the beast in you  and let the gentleman that ,many men think exist on TV come out.

I have used the “take it slow” line before. Here is a short story. I had just started dating and well I wanted to see what was out there. I met a nice guy, I feel compelled to say his name but his girlfriend may know me. I will call him Speedy. Speedy was really nice. He would call me, find out how school was (I was 20) and after the completion of The Junction, we would hang out there. This was perfect. I had a friend. Someone I could talk to about everything, laugh with, hug and sometimes well…..kiss because this was all I wanted. I was happy. Dating was fun. Then speedy changed. He wanted me to tell him where I was at all times, wanted more than a kiss, wanted to come home meet my sisters, wanted to know what plans me and the girls had and speedy became well….speedy.

When women are forced to use the slow it down and, it is usually as a result of some kind of inexplicable frustration. It’s not that you are boring or that they do not like you. It’s just that you are starting to act weird and not as suave as you were when you first approached them. It’s like if a man has been trying too hard to get a woman’s attention and when he does tables turn and she calls him every hour and texts him all through the day. Its more than what you bargained for, when someone turns from an acquaintance to a psycho you want to avoid at all costs.
Maybe some tips to help you avoid the weird three words.

• When a girl you have been eyeing finally gives you the time of day (do your happy dance) but never show that you are you excited. As a woman if I know that I got you, I will be the boss. Meaning if you do anything contrary to my expectations-you get the three words.
• If a girl gives you her number, take like 3 days before you call her. Let her mind wonder. If you call her the same day regardless of how much she likes you, she will not reciprocate you feelings because the ball is in her court. Your silence makes her start re-evaluating herself thinking of what she may have said wrong to put you off or if you found her attractive

I could go on and on about the do’s and don’ts but I have to issue my disclaimer here that all situations are different and call for different reactions. Lady love would like you to share more with us regarding slowing it down…so please share your comments and all your questions will be vividly answered.

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I feel obliged to ask this question. Knowing well that sex education is important in our society following that teens are doing what has forever been our “adults only “indulgence. My question is, do fireworks go off when you have your big O? Or can we comfortably say that something just a little tingly feeling happens when you have an orgasm or just a new feeling of enthusiasm nothing big or major. Whichever category you fall in, you are perfectly normal.

As I said I have been away doing a little discovering, thanks to Google and my ob-gyn,I learnt a couple of secrets that I would really like to share with you. At this point I would like to issue a disclaimer that you must must must add a personal element or a touch of your own personality.

1. HIT IT
We all know that where there is a lot of friction, a fire may ignite. This is the same thing that happens when it comes to sex. Friction ultimately leads to the ultimate sin.

TIP: Get on top. It is easier to direct your partner to your g-spot.

2. TALK THE TALK
Whoever said men are dogs was not so wrong. No offence to our brothers, but men sure can take direction. So please do not shy away in telling him where you want him to touch you and when it feels good please give the champ a Scooby snack and tell him he has just won gold in the sexathon.

TIP: Be real. In fact be as real as you can. If it feels good, say it! Say it nicely, softly and excitedly.

3. DELAY THE PLEASURE
It’s true that the longer the buildup, the bigger the explosion, ask sexologist Getrude Mungai. Work yourselves as close to an orgasm as you can and then, believe it or not, slow it down to a simmer.

TIP: Breathe. Both of you. Breathe deep and from the bottom of your belly. This way you get to use as little energy thus helping you save up on the energy you will need to finish the race.

4. GET CREATIVE
Make foreplay as interesting and unconventional as you can. Try different things. Let your man know that one hour of begging is not foreplay…I read this from a note in face book.

TIP:  Use sex foods such as chocolate or oysters to build up your sex hormones.

5. RELAX
According to health magazine, a study carried out in France that included 500 French women established that 70% of women confessed that work related stress compromised their sex drive. As you may know, when your libido is low, chances of you getting an orgasm are reduced.

TIP: Leave you stresses at the office. Talk only about the good things that happened in your day.

Once again my dear readers, that’s all I have. Feel free to add on your experiences and tips and yeah…your experiences. I said that twice!

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CONFIDENT
In the book Act like a lady, think like a man, Steve Harvey says that men look for a woman who will hold his hand tighter when usher passes by all sexy and sweaty with money dropping from his pockets and still say,”baby, You are the man!!” the same way we want a man who knows that he is all that and a bag of chips but is subtle in showing it. Yes a confident man will always get the vote even if he is good-looking from far or far from good looking. So we can all agree that confidence is a priority in our list.

IN CONTROL-BUT NOT A CONTROL FREAK
My life is not your remote control. Period. Control freaks, are just that freaks. As much as being a man makes you the head of the relationship, this does not mean that the lady beside you ceases to exist. I enjoy it when my man picks out what I should wear for our special day out, but can you imagine if he chose to pick out my entire wardrobe? I must say that there is a very thin line between being in control and being a control freak because overdoing an act simply tips you over to the weirdo side we do not want to date.

UNPREDICTABLE
If you were able to know what you will be doing ten years from today or even what God has in store for you for the rest of your life, would there be any thrill about being alive? The same way I wouldn’t want to pick up my phone, with my well manicured finger on the receive button each and every hour knowing that you are going to call. Jamie Foxx sings about being unpredictable. Ladies, if your man is the opposite, please get him get him the song. I like when a man lets my mind wander as to what he is going to do next, even the next minute after hearing from him is a complete surprise. This not only keeps the flame burning but ensures that the excitement never dies.

REALISTIC
Sweetheart, be as real as you can. You must first of all understand the kind of woman you are dating. This helps you know where you are. Ladies, you must also understand the kind of man you are dating, if he is broke kick his ass to the curb, if you know you are high maintenance. Otherwise you will have problems that only exist in Mexican telenovelas. My friend was telling me a story about how this guy took her out to a super expensive restaurant, and bought her a super delicious-burn-out-your-wallet-diner only for him to order a glass of water for himself!! She is wise never went out with his sorry-hungry self again. The little things make the biggest impact. A take out joint in the city center that smells of a concoction of oil and fried chicken can just turn out to be Zen Garden as long as you both know that is what works out for you.

A BAD BOY
This is not your mungiki type of man, but a man who wears the sign, I am a man baby!! This is the kind of guy who will tell me my ass looks super fine in my work uniform, or send me a text saying what he would like to do after I get off work or school. I am not talking the lovey-dovey stuff like” I will rub your toes” but more like “I will kiss you till your toes curl” a bad nasty faithful guy will never miss out on the cookie if you know what I mean.

So I left the other blanks for all you gorgeous lily women to fill and tell us more in the comments about the kind of men you want. He may just be reading!!

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1) AVOIDING her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a dogie toy isn’t.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt – so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool – she’ll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON. Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT SHAVING PT.2 Men seem to like women to be shaved down below. That’s fine. But women like that too. That doesn’t mean you have to shave it bare (although, that would be nice), but at least keep it neat and trimmed. There’s nothing that turns a girl off more than looking at a penis sticking out of a forest.

26) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.

27) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.

28) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

29) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

30) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.

31) TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “__to show my buddies.” At least let her have custody of them.

32) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no
no.

33) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.

34) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

35) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don’t.

36) GIVING LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

37) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.

38) TALKING DIRTY. It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.

39) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

40) SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

41) THANKING HER. Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

Did I miss something? Let us know in the comments.

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Whether you fulfill your resolutions or not is neither here nor there, the important thing is that you:
1) Understand that there may be problems you haven’t addressed until now; and,
2) Want to improve yourself and your life — in this case, your sex life.
Nothing has to be wrong in your sex life to use these ideas. In fact, you don’t even have to wait until 2010. Why not start now?
Read the full article here.

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Relationships define a whole new way of living because we all know that they can be tough. To make it worse as time goes by things do not get any easier. It’s not like being a sales person where you get better just because you have been in the job longer. There are times that it’s going to be all rosy and happy and other times the periods of ennui and speed bumps of tedium along the way.

Threats of infidelity can also cause looming threats when one has been with just one person for a very long time. The only thing that may save you is always having a plan to counteract these inevitable moments of lull. Just because you have been together for a long time doesn’t mean you cannot still have fun being in the relationship.

By now we all know that the key ingredient to any lasting and satisfying relationship is to be in love and for sure that is not something I cannot guide you on. However I can guide you on simple things you can do to keep it fresh and hot! now I will give you 10 ways that you can do this and I suggest that you start from number 10 going on till number 1, remember that you can add your own spice here and there to suit your personality, your likes and preferences.

NO.10 – THROW PARTIES
Now one of the most common mistakes that couples do is spending every single minute of their lives together. am not of the opinion that this is bad just that by having people over you will not only be introducing some of your buddies to some new ladies and vice versa, but you will also have the chance to be around your partner without being attached to one another and this is a great way of keeping it fresh. The fact that you are in relationship with one another does not mean you loose your individuality but you complement one another.

NO.9 – VISIT SOMEPLACE NEW
I have a weakness. When I have discovered a new restaurant I usually visit it until I have completely exhausted their menu. If you are like me you may end up spending a lot of time retreading the same ground. By going to a new city, a new hotel or restaurant, you will be opening up a wide range of new conversations from the new experiences you will encounter. Trust me that it is wonderfully revitalizing when you are in a situation where you are on equal footing (you do not know what to expect or how things are done in this new place…..not forgetting the excitement of some get away loving!!

NO.8 – SPEND TIME APART
Being away from one another when in a relationship is the hardest thing to do when you are in love with someone. When in love you want to have this person by your side to a point that if you would win a lottery you would quit work and move away to a quiet beach front house in Diani…..wow!! Dreams!!

It is however important not only to have some space, but to also spend a night every once in a while as well. Being apart not only allows you some freedom but it will also make you miss each other a little bit and is an ideal way to keep your relationship strong. The wise say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. By saying sleep away from your loved one sometimes does not mean sleep with other people it however means take this time to go for a sleep over with your girls, let him go for a boys night out and trust me honey when he comes back he will have so much to tell you and so many ways to show you how much he has missed you.

NO.7 – GIVE GIFTS
The bible says in the book of Luke that the Lord loves a cheerful giver. We all agree that giving a gift to someone shows that you not only love them but that they are on your mind. Many people think that a gift has to be something expensive and flashy while it is usually the thought that counts. This can be anything that your partner likes and enjoys. A gift given in the present is an investment for your future relationship health.

NO.6 – MAKE SURPRISE VISITS
My favorite movie of all time “two can play that game” always gets me into a kinky mood. There is a part of the movie where Vivica goes over to Morris chestnut’s house dressed in a killer outfit pretending that she is returning his stuff after he had lied to her and they broke up. Vivica’s motive is to get him as turned on as she possibly can then make an exit leaving him alone to suffer an enormous turn down.
Caution: do not become a stalker!! However every once in a while pop into his work place and take him out for lunch or just to say hello. Remember the same reasoning behind getting him a gift applies here.

NO.5 – GO ON DATES
Hey Ladies the fact that you have been dating for awhile doesn’t mean that you should shirk your duties to make him engrossed. Remember here a date doesn’t mean going to the local pizza place when there is an offer for buy one get one free. Instead do some planning and make a reservation someplace affordable, but romantic. Go the whole nine yards and dress up for the occasion have some wine and dessert and enjoy luxuriously….you can also get a place with accommodation just incase he wants to say thank you in a special way. You can make it a regular thing maybe monthly or weekly depending on your budget and schedules. It may seem like a lot of work but the fruits of your labour will pay off for years to come.

NO.4 – SET GOALS TOGETHER
It is believed that when a man talks of the future with you in it, he is in it for the long haul. So sitting down and setting goals to be accomplished with you two as a team; this is a great way to reinvigorate your relationship and your ambition. Talk about you dreams and where you want to be in the future. Ask each other for advice on how you can accomplish these goals as a team. We know that two heads are better than one and you will be shocked at how motivating this can be, getting advice from a person who loves and cares about you.

NO.3 – TRY NEW THINGS IN THE BEDROOM
The bedroom is my favorite subject as this is where we separate the girls from the women. Trust me ladies, there is always something you have not tried. This is the plain truth you have been with the same person for only God how knows how long and truth be told things may have gotten well monotonous. We all need that “unpredictable touch” that Jamie Foxx sings about. Giving or putting extra effort in the bedroom adds some staying power to your relationship. Bring in sex toys if you are kinky, uniforms if you are sexy romantic and off course my favorite-role plays. The thing is you are trying and you do not have to do it as perfectly as it is done in the movies or in original sin the main thing is that the two of you have a good time and you are able to keep him thinking about what you are going to do next time.

NO.2 – INTRODUCE A THIRD PARTY
Now this is very sensitive. Ladies before you try out number two, make sure you are ready as there is no turning back. This is so because ultimately, every couple will make that fateful decision to add someone new to the mix. I am not talking about a threesome but you can add that into your number 3 list so get your minds out of the gutter, we’re talking about bringing a child into the world. Truth be told there is nothing that will bond a couple quite like having something to care for together, something that is more important than each other. if you’re not quite ready to take that step (and don’t have a child simply because the relationship is in trouble and needs patching, it is not a fix-all solution), then think about bringing in a dog, a cat or even a goldfish( are these in our country), any being that both of you can care for and love.

NO.1 – DISCOVER THINGS TOGETHER
Last but not least, another well kept secret of keeping things fresh is the easiest thing you can do: add that element of “new” to your life and your relationship. Take a cooking class together, do yoga with each other or take dancing lessons. Hell, just take him to a new museum once in a while if he can stand statues and lives history. The bottom line is that you want to be with each other, but it’s always better to have something in common that you can discuss together. The stuff in the bedroom, that’s the easy part, but finding someone you actually want to talk to afterward, that’s the tough part, and when you finally get that, keep searching for something new to converse about and keep that initial feeling alive for the years ahead.

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