Right from childhood when you could pin one and one together, you knew what was expected of you was always different from that of the men folk. It is the way you sit to the way you eat; the dress you wore to the last meeting, to the very empty third finger on your left hand, and at what age again? It is like being fired at from all corners and you are without amour.

Well, it’s not so bad wearing many hats. I mean, it is fortunate that as women, we are blessed to do this graciously, well most of the time.

We take on different roles: sister, mother, friend, professional…the list is endless. We know when we need to be assertive in our environments and when to sit out the fight. We know exactly when it is better to buy that killer heel rather than the yummy creamy cake that will make it all better. Or when we need to offer just a hug, be there and be quiet or attending that party is it.

Thing is, we are often caught up in our different roles and are defined by them. We take whatever task is at hand and run with it and when that is over, quickly look for what else can fill that spot.

But what happens when the spot just won’t be filled? When you lose your grand job with the grand title? You know, the one you name-dropped at every turn, you lived for and it made you feel important. Now you are deep into the pity party and can manage a whimper response of ‘I am between jobs.’

Mr man has just ended things. You lived to make him king of your little world. Suddenly it’s like a conspiracy coz every word you can see has ‘single’ in it. Your kids have finally left the nest to put into practice your years of guidance. But you just won’t let them be, interfering in every imaginable way because ‘they are mine.’

Woman. Define yourself. So what if there are numerous situations banging down your doors? In any case, the only constant thing is change. You are bound to go through so many of these (changes) and if you are defined by your environment, don’t be moaning about how life is so very unfair to you . Be your own woman. Stop feeling guilty for putting yourself first. How else will you be a better ( fill in gap here) to others when you are incomplete? You know, it is annoying when someone says something to you repeatedly like a broken record but the power of repetition is priceless so I guess I am it. Define Yourself and with intangibles at that, or else it will always be a cycle.

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