When Sonny was younger, around nine to twelve, he was a chubby boy. The minute he got twelve however, pre-teen hood set in. He became worried about his weight, which to me was just so fine for a growing boy.  It suddenly became important that he wasn’t taller, slimmer and did not have a base in his voice tone. I tell you. kids!

Chubby boys will, as a result of all the fat, get breasts. I mean, it just follows that if you are heavy around the torso, that area too will fill– outward. But besides this, Sonny’s father (R.I.P) had had a problem of that kind at the same age, and in his older years, it  reduced but did not go away altogether. He had also had problems with it in teen age hood, to the extend of shunning sports because t-shirts then were made with such material that exposed nipples. We do bring up our boys with terrible manners in Kenya. This bullying issue is sadistic but inbred in many men from boyhood, as a “manly” and acceptable type of behavior.

Anyway, my Sonny would not rest. He wanted to do sit ups, weight lifting, whatever he could, to burn the flab as fast as he could. However, his age would not permit him to tire himself senseless. This desire to look masculine would not leave him. So I sat him down and explained that he would grow out of it. I even brought him printouts from work, which  explained that this was such a normal phenomenon among boys his age, the world over. I also explained that sometimes if it was extreme, an operation or hormonal treatment was done, to reduce the breast size permanently. This calmed him down. I then made printouts and bought him books about the development of the body of a young man. We discussed and laughed about various changes he and My Baby would have, as they grew into teen age hood.

At that time, both were young and it was all a funny topic. Breaking voices, growing beards, being shy in girls’ presence, chasing girls later, getting all hairy all over….all these were jokes then. We took to looking at slightly older teen relatives and neighbors, and noting what processes they were going through. Believe me, it was funny. These are some of the wonderful moments I have had, in the wonderment of growing with my loves. Continue Reading »

Envy is known as one of the most powerful human emotions for its ability to control one, as if envy was an entity in itself. It is the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself. Aristotle defined envy (phthonos) as ” the pain caused by the good fortune of others”. In Buddhism the third of the four divine abidings is mudita . This virtue is considered the antidote to envy . Islam, warns envy can destroy one’s good deeds. Therefore, one must be content with what God has given to them by saying In sha Allah (according to the will of God). The reference “green-eyed monster” comes from Othello spoken by Iago:“.. O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;It is the green-ey’d monster ..”

Nothing displeases an envious ,jealousy filled heart , as much as a person who will just go on with life in ignorant bliss.That is, the kind of person who brushes off rumours, insults, malice and envy, as you would dust off your pants. With absolutely no care or fuss.
An envious mind, is a soil full of a poisonous chemical. Everything good or bad in it, dies from within. All the rain, shine and nutrients are in vain.

Your heart and mind are the soil and the plants and other matter, your life. If the heart and mind carry envy, all else that is good from within and around you, diminishes in importance. The saddest aspect about people going green with envy, is that they develop habits of acting with pure malice and impudence. Envy does not wish a body well. Any body,for that matter.

Our good Lord, effects punishment of this vice full circle. When you envy others, you get hurt. Envy eats you up! Not those you envy. Proverbs 14:30 “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

Envy is a result of greed. Children need to be taught early in life, that envy is a sign of laziness and greed. In molding young minds, this vice should be constantly harped upon as destructive to the self and harmful to society. Continue Reading »

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.
Sometimes Our Good Lord just wants us to stop working at whatever problem we are facing, to pause in solution hunting, to lay down the tools of war, to stop praying while crying, to cease the loud lamentations, and just be at peace and leave it all to Him. In this instruction to us, we are asked to dare to believe.

I am a true believer- no matter what level of sinner the world may label me. I tell you! There are moments when I will stop worrying about it all. Bila kujali – without a single doubt – that it will all be solved in a miraculous way. And guess what? All the time that I have chosen to be still and to acknowledge that my God is able, He has fulfilled my wish beyond my wildest dreams.

I once wrote my friends..about four or more years back. I suspect most just went duh?! I said in this mail, that it is possible that sometimes to solve our problems, God turns back the hands of time for particular situations, and makes things right again. It’s complicated, but Science Fiction movies have shown just how easily possible it is. If man can do it in make believe, how much so easier is it for our Lord? I guess that is why we get dejavu about a place, occurrence or person. That ; “I have been there, done that, interacted with”…..feeling. Continue Reading »

I have endeavored to keep account mainly about child upbringing and single parenthood to date. However, today I will digress and talk about men and the current lack of chivalry among them.

So much is being said about us women having become so easy to get, loose, immoral etc. However, for every action, there is a reaction. Men today have no qualms about lamenting on and on about how women have worn trousers and taken up their roles.

Harken men! This is a sign that you have so failed to do your bit, that woman- the ever efficient multitasking person- has decided to also do your share of the work; in order to keep the race moving at the rate it should. Surely I imagine, if we women did not take up some of our male roles, earning, child upbringing, decision making, paid manual labor etc, our species would be underdeveloped and maybe under fear of being overtaken by aliens or wild animals. Just my two cents.

Traditionally, men were supposed to hunt, gather food, protect, instruct and guide the woman in family matters. Tradition flew out the window, when men replaced brains with brawn. Continue Reading »

It has been a grueling three weeks. Last month, I cut down on the food budget, and instead used this money for other purposes, assuming I would get paid dues owed to me. Unfortunately, the outstanding debt went unpaid, which meant our normal foods storage was in deficit. I am lucky to have several mama mboga’s who are not only friends, but speak one of my local lingos. I come from mixed parentage, so I play it to my advantage depending on the situation. Where I live, tribe helps in such situations. I can use tribe to gain not only credit, but sympathy. I have also realized that we “office” women, look haughty to the vegetable sellers, a.k.a mama mbogas. Sauntering off smartly dressed every morning, to return in the evenings looking unfettered, yet affording more comforts than the mama mbogas. It is times like this, when I am forced to bend low and ask for credit, that mama mboga is able to relate with me on a one to one. Just another parent raising a family with ups and downs of life.

My late mother – God bless her soul- raised me to know that a good mother should always serve a healthy portion to growing children. She insisted upon abundance, not quality. She had a point. This is Africa. Anybody not in the A class minority, eats organic. Did I say anybody? Mistake. It is everybody. I have a nutritional book that was done as a report in the mid 60’s. That long ago. I buy books and journals all the time, and especially love detailed topical issues, to better grasp what I haven’t leant in detail at school or in life. In this report by somebody and other, who included current and past United Nations surveys, it was noted that what the third world needed to reduce malnutrition, was a daily dosage of a half a teaspoon of oil, to every child under five. Couldn’t be truer.

All over Africa, children eat healthy portions of starch, but suffer from constipation and poor digestion. Oil would combat both. In addition to this, few proteins are ever available. Oil again would help here. I won’t go into how little it would take for Africa to combat hunger. There are enough politicians doing enough nothing about this, for me to join in the confusion. Okay….so early on, I set out to ensure my family is fed not very well but very much. It has been good so far. Miss D, Sonny and my baby have glimpsed at milk, waved at cheese(luckily my baby is allergic to it!),had chicken ceremoniously, fish frequently as long as it was spelt O.M.E.N.A, and….had cereals and greens every other day. Dare I not forget a daily helpful of good old starch. We couldn’t be healthier. Actually if you wished to gauge my financial status, all you would do is watch the frequency of meat meals at ours. There is money, there is meat. There is no money….There is no meat. So simple. Continue Reading »

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I keep getting back to the mercies bestowed upon us by our Lord. I cannot tire of this. Looking at the sorrows and pains suffered by so many of my married sisters causes me to frequently relive this promise.

Mothers beloved the world over, have, do and will cry for their families, due to man’s own doing. Hence our comfort in these words of the Holy Book. Of course they are intended not just for single mothers…I know, I know.

This promise comes so true to me. I can so well testify to the tears, the sorrows, the mourning and pain of the old order of things. So many nights and days, I have wept silently, praying for a better life for myself and my three beloved. Things have, in times now seemingly so far gone, been hopelessly depressing. There was sickness and no money to reach for even the simplest relief, school and no money to go on tomorrow, food was scarce and we were hungry, Christmas was here and there was nothing to celebrate with… the list is unending. For once I dare say it wasn’t always or most often, that a man was the cause of my distress. Women too have caused me distress to a certain degree, and always it was worse than that caused by men. I can authoritatively say that, now that I am older and wiser. In these instances, I reached out to my God and he heard my cry. Always, without fail, God hears our cry and within His own time, he wipes away our every tear and makes good His above promise. We just do not always see it.

Bringing up children singly is frowned upon in our society. More so in some cultures more than in others. I remember once being asked by a friend, why I insisted on telling men I had children. Duh? It turns out that she -and many others to date- believed in buying time, love, affection and financial benefits in the guise of being young and without child- until the man were tied by her charms to the level of proposing. Then, I suppose, she would elect if to own up to the truth or tie him in another lie to prolong the benefits. I chose instead, to do my best to earn a living , to sacrifice my all, to give my children all that they would have had in a two parent home, and more. If they would lack, it would only be as much as any child in a two parent home could. My hard work and sacrifice paid off. Continue Reading »

I must say since my three loves were young, I have always been accused of smothering them with love. In my opinion, I just decided on this style of parenting. I loved my three and gave them the best I could. It really was not much, what with my constant joblessness in between job, separation from baby daddies, and other hardships courtesy lack of keen and proper guidance.

Still I prejudge myself as having done well and come out almost tops. If nothing else, my undying, uncompromised and non stop love, understanding, guidance and care and joy with and to my three loves, has shaped them well. My constant self sacrifice for their comfort and that of relatives close and distant has instilled in them a desire to have empathy, be God fearing and to the best of their ability, aspire to make the world a safer better when they can. Towards this, they have embraced -not always to my liking- total non-discriminatory virtues. They consider all people equal, and thus make friends bila ubaguzi (without allowing scruples of any kind to influence them).

Like I said, not always to my liking. Having and living with teenagers has been an eye opener to me. Now I understand how loving and merciful mothers can be, and why one’s mother is deemed as next in importance to one’s God. Teenagers are an extreme tester of nerves. Was I ever one? It is all very well to claim “in our days….blah blah fishcake…” This is not then. It becomes so tough, ever so tough, to be loving, caring or even understanding with this breed we are raising. Times have changed and so have their needs, likes and wants. We should have parenting tips given as refresher courses every other decade, to bring us up to date with what’s “hip” for teens. Just so we know. Continue Reading »

Ooohoo yeah. Sonny is done with Secondary School. Thank you Lord. To quote Maina of the Ndambuki /Kageni fame …” I tell you!”

Sonny sat and completed his O level exams. Small wonder, some might comment. But you see; I take nothing concerning my three loves, lightly or for granted. Especially…not Sonny. Also sadly, there are a lot of boy children, who out of fear, misfortune, natural and/or man made calamity or illness etc, failed to sit for at all ,or to complete their exams this year. So I give thanks to Jehovah. I was among the only so many parents, who celebrated the completion of one eventful and often annoying journey of hope, faith and sometimes fear for their son’s whole completion of secondary school. After all boys will be boys , but when they get to secondary , they become bigger and bolder and you can say that again.

Now comes part three of educating him. College. Sonny is fortunately or unfortunately, very young. At seventeen, he will be expected -God willing -to join college and mix with adults. He himself has barely come out of childhood. (Let me try telling him that!) I on the other hand, will have an option to release him to the world, or hold him back till he is ready. All depends upon many other factors. If wishes were horses and I rode myself into loads of money, I would send him to a military school, where he might also earn himself some wholesome education plus loads of discipline. Then I would ensure he gets a good well paying job and marry him to a daughter of a friend. Tarah wishful thinking…. (Sigh…..) Continue Reading »

Sometime back, Churchill King’ang’i and Maina wa Kageni were on about whether or not single women above thirty “kidu”-something- get miserably lonely and need to have a man. As usual I was listening to the first part of this twosome breakfast show, while in the bus on my way to work. King’ang’i was having a good time rubbishing all those single ladies calling in to claim their long and/or new found joyous loneliness, and Maina as usual was adding “kudos’” to those same sisters.

Things got heated when the talk got to “pia those over 40”. That King’ang’i …..I have given him a wanted. Churchill, stand warned. Utapatikana. Eeniwe, this here me girl, is forty something. Granted, I could do well with having a good, well mannered, rich, mature, respectable, church going, God Fearing, sober, non-smoking, well spoken and extremely well educated, jocular and hard working man. Actually if I dare say so, so could well, all of my girlfriends who are my age mates. Why not? Majority of us “forty Kidus” have children. None of these are from a holy conception.

Just for one small issue. Where is this man? Please, please, note that I did not describe a perfect man. Note that I did not ask that he can be tall, handsome, or the most wonderful surrogate or adopted “Baby daddy” of my three loves- Miss D, Sonny and my baby. Neither did I state that he be able to help in housework, or cook for us, or pick and arrange his socks and what nots. Neither too is there mention or hope for kind, understanding, helpful, considerate and non interfering “horrors-in-law”. I will take them as they come-mad, nosey pokey, irritating habits and all. Not all relatives can be as perfect as ours (snigger). Continue Reading »

I woke up in a good mood today. I have been feeling so charged up since yesterday. Really charged. A project I had put my all into, came through a winner. So here I was yesterday, beaming with pleasure, hopes for a new love this Christmas forgotten, woes about the problems I have had with the kids this year not remembered again, and all my office annoyances seeming petty and inconsequential. I selected something to wear today, last night. Laid it out, and would have ironed it, if I had not been sooo… tired.

Early today, I left with Miss Daddy. She that doesn’t like to leave early, my daughter, was forced to be early to avoid the jam expected all over Nairobi. This, because of the various graduation ceremonies and their associated celebratory crowds- family, graduates, et al… So, unusual for us, we left together at 5:45 a.m. The ride was uneventful, and we spoke little. Not like when I am with Sonny. My elder son. We think alike. We notice all the suffering and poverty along the way. We show each other new developments no matter how little, and rejoice in them. One of us will tell the other any little tit bit about a place or person we bypass. I tell you, we are very good friends. There, I said it at last. Sony is like a girlfriend. A bosom buddy. Continue Reading »