A lot of us African Women get into fits of laughter over our men’s choice of innerwear for us. Unlike majority of our counterparts in Asia and Europe, our behinds are amply endowed. This means that we need a full fitting cloth to urm, cover those bare basics comfortably. Naturally there are exceptions to this rule.

My great grandmother lived not very long ago. She was a newly wed girl when the first world war begun. Most African womenfolk did not know or wear inner wear back then. These were mostly introduced as bloomers for school girls when the white man came. This shows just how new to Africa this panty, bikini, boxer and bra business is. We still have a lot of women in rural arrears not accustomed to wearing anything remotely conventional. In other places, a loose covering is used to keep the privates clean and dainty, not tightly covered. Innerwear comes in various forms and names. Some cover during the day, others are convenience pieces meant strictly to be seen by a suitor, to arouse and to be removed. Others are designed to cover a deficit or create a different look from that which is natural for beauty purposes. Yet others are medically designed for a fit with a therapeutic result.

Miss D is unlike me in this matter. I elect to wear stuff that covers me lower waist to upper thigh. Any more brief and it will slip off and keep me in discomfort. These types are known as “Mother’s Union”. .Miss D on the other hand, wears her briefs as spelt- brief. Thankfully, she accepts my request to keep a few full pieces for that time of the month when we need something to hold a pad. Just a note, I discourage inserted padding for periods. They are unhealthy and a known cause for cancer. You must let the period flow out freely. Most brief briefs cannot hold pads, especially bikinis and thongs. Read the rest of this entry →

Looking at Miss D now, I can hardly imagine what a tumultuous relationship we have had in the past seven years or so. Soon turning nineteen, she is a total lady and so helpful to me. She has embraced college life with a vigor. She plans and help me settle into an early retirement, while enabling her siblings to have nothing but success and the best of life. Now that I look at her focus, her positive aspirations, her closeness to me and need to make all things good for her family. Wow! I thank God ever so more, that I smothered them with love.

These are the dreams upon which we all hope to make a foundation when young. How our parents and guardians view these dreams and guide us in shaping them, determines what we actually become in life. My journey is far from over with guidance and parenting. I still have these few years-; Insha Allah – to ensure that I am able to get Miss D and Sonny through college. My Baby is lucky, having an insurance that will cater for his secondary and college tuition. Towards this end, I encourage Miss D to pursue her dream. I instill upon her the fact that if she wills it, and works towards, and prays for it, it shall come to be.

It was not always so easy with Miss D. My move with my three loves away from mother Kenya, affected her a bit. She being a bit older, lost many friends. Then I went through a troublesome patch in my life, caused by envious colleagues, who thought no foreigner should excel them in their home turf. I have had the terrible misfortune of working with people who were not only envious and afraid of my zeal to perform and excel, but who acted with total impunity to curtail my success. It boils down to bad parenting. I know they did not know better, or they would have acted better.

Miss D had to repeat a class to catch up with the foreign education curriculum. She had started school early, so I saw no problem with this. She soon caught up , being an A student. Soon thereafter, I got My Baby and Miss D settled. The baby was such a welcome change. A happy healthy bouncy and exciting boy. A baby brings magic into a home, and this was the one thing that brightened our home in those first hard months of living away from home. Read the rest of this entry →

I am laughing. I usually do when I bring these words to mind or hear someone uttering them. Life is so funny and so regular. Constantly you hear proud parents and guardians hard at it, vowing that their charges would “never ever “be caught doing this or that. Yet, saying this is akin to tempting fate. Just when you were sure they would “never ever”…they go and do a ridiculous, annoying and shocking thing. Sometimes worse than what you had vowed that they would never.

Take love for instance. I used to swear by my love of chicken, that I would “never ever” marry a certain type of man from a certain part of the country. I was young and had that confidence to yap about never ever doing this and that. Later I had the kids, and I declared that I would bring them up under certain conditions only. Either that or nothing. Hahaha…little did I know just how unpredictable life could get.

I did cater for my children in many ways that I had planned for, but sometimes, I just realized I was headed the wrong way at the wrong times, and changed course and reason. I realized that it is not for nothing that we are asked to touch wood and hope. Life can literally stop you in your tracks until you perform an act you’d sworn never to do. Then normalcy resumes and you understand why we are warned never to say “never”.

At my age, I have gotten to a point where I never say I wouldn’t ever, ever do this or that. I have discovered that we just do not know when we might be caught up in circumstance that demand we behave in a manner we never considered as an option. Read the rest of this entry →

A Lot of people are poor simply because they cannot adapt to frugality. They either choose not to, or do not know how to live cheap when occasion calls. For women, frugality is a blessing when times are hard and the home must keep moving.

We get used to lifestyles reflected by our earnings. The more the merrier. The more also, the more extravagance sets in. When you have grown knowing or exposed to living frugally, you are well able to cut costs even drastically, when occasion demands. I know people who have raised sharply from extreme poverty, indeed a life lacking in even bare basics, to be “thrown” into wealth and abundance almost overnight. This too is dangerous. Such people just have no clue about living normal. Thus, if they were thrust back to a lower level of abundance, they might just drop right back to zero because they would not know how to make do.

This is because; spending money wisely is comparable to reading and understanding manuals. It takes time to learn, and this means that you cover various topics step by step. You cannot learn your ABCs and then jump to a level where you can read and understand a medical journal. It is the same with money, before you grasp the nitty gritty of small time budgeting and shopping, you will not understand the intricacies involved in managing a multi million unit account, let alone acquisition or handling of investments of similar grandiose.

So what is frugality?

A vast majority of us lead a frugal life not out of choice, but because it is the better way to survive. Everywhere we have options. The options we elect to follow concerning financial decisions, is a determining factor on to how we later fare in life. Read the rest of this entry →

One of the hardest points of good parenting is getting to the point where you have to let your young ones go. When they get to the point where it’s:- “them against the world”. Like I said, it is only hard, if you are of the good parenting school. That is, merely knowing how hard, how tough and mean and cruel the world can be is enough to make a parent wish to delay cutting ties with their children.

I would compare it to bungee jumping for the parent or guardian. Mark that this apprehension and fear if felt not by the young ones setting off to the world, but their parents. This will normally begin when letting children off to college. The fact that you will lose control over what your child is doing, what they may undergo and how they will behave or react to situations , people and places sometimes alien to you too!

These fears are both real and imagined. We must as guardians, learn how to trust children to do the best they can to protect themselves and others. That, and praying for them, is all we should do sometimes. Of course cases apply where there is need for direct and harsh intervention to help children settle into adulthood. This is necessary when we deem them a danger unto themselves and others for one reason or another. In other instances too, intervention may be for the protection and safety of those who are vulnerable like the mentally unwell or very physically impaired.

At some teamwork retreats, there is a game that is played by asking members to get blindfolded and wholly trust their colleagues not to let any harm befall them. This is akin to playing Blind man’s bluff. While blindfolded, you may be asked to fall backwards with arms crossed over your chest, or forward. Either way, it is a test of having blind faith in others. It is all very well when it is a game. In real life though, things are quite different. Read the rest of this entry →

A few weeks ago, a girlfriend came by to see me over four o’clock tea on a Sunday. I am of the old school that still does high tea. Because of my three loves,and with funds allowing, I have a whole treat spread out for high tea. Back to girlfriend. She had come to let me know about some gossip she was involved in, with people/ friends, who did not imagine that she and I were close and even related by marriage.

Anyway, the jist of it all, was that she had been privy to an intense gossip session that dwelt on yours truly –me. Apparently, I had over a long period, ruffled feathers of a few friends and now known foes, with my attitude. Yes my girlfriend was party to this gossip, but she felt that as a true friend, the way the accusations were leveled was  biased and undeserved. The topic:- my constant brokenness and money borrowing.

You would be fooled to think, like me, that this was the only topic of this character assassination session. Well, actually it wasn’t. The topic diverted and digressed in importance. According to “girlfie”, there was a shared sentiment among seated members, that I was proud for nothing, haughty without reason, mean with my company-as if I had anything special to offer and that I considered myself too good for the men who unsuccessfully tried to woo me! Plus one or two things I wouldn’t write here. Read the rest of this entry →

When Sonny was younger, around nine to twelve, he was a chubby boy. The minute he got twelve however, pre-teen hood set in. He became worried about his weight, which to me was just so fine for a growing boy.  It suddenly became important that he wasn’t taller, slimmer and did not have a base in his voice tone. I tell you. kids!

Chubby boys will, as a result of all the fat, get breasts. I mean, it just follows that if you are heavy around the torso, that area too will fill– outward. But besides this, Sonny’s father (R.I.P) had had a problem of that kind at the same age, and in his older years, it  reduced but did not go away altogether. He had also had problems with it in teen age hood, to the extend of shunning sports because t-shirts then were made with such material that exposed nipples. We do bring up our boys with terrible manners in Kenya. This bullying issue is sadistic but inbred in many men from boyhood, as a “manly” and acceptable type of behavior.

Anyway, my Sonny would not rest. He wanted to do sit ups, weight lifting, whatever he could, to burn the flab as fast as he could. However, his age would not permit him to tire himself senseless. This desire to look masculine would not leave him. So I sat him down and explained that he would grow out of it. I even brought him printouts from work, which  explained that this was such a normal phenomenon among boys his age, the world over. I also explained that sometimes if it was extreme, an operation or hormonal treatment was done, to reduce the breast size permanently. This calmed him down. I then made printouts and bought him books about the development of the body of a young man. We discussed and laughed about various changes he and My Baby would have, as they grew into teen age hood.

At that time, both were young and it was all a funny topic. Breaking voices, growing beards, being shy in girls’ presence, chasing girls later, getting all hairy all over….all these were jokes then. We took to looking at slightly older teen relatives and neighbors, and noting what processes they were going through. Believe me, it was funny. These are some of the wonderful moments I have had, in the wonderment of growing with my loves. Read the rest of this entry →

Envy is known as one of the most powerful human emotions for its ability to control one, as if envy was an entity in itself. It is the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself. Aristotle defined envy (phthonos) as ” the pain caused by the good fortune of others”. In Buddhism the third of the four divine abidings is mudita . This virtue is considered the antidote to envy . Islam, warns envy can destroy one’s good deeds. Therefore, one must be content with what God has given to them by saying In sha Allah (according to the will of God). The reference “green-eyed monster” comes from Othello spoken by Iago:“.. O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;It is the green-ey’d monster ..”

Nothing displeases an envious ,jealousy filled heart , as much as a person who will just go on with life in ignorant bliss.That is, the kind of person who brushes off rumours, insults, malice and envy, as you would dust off your pants. With absolutely no care or fuss.
An envious mind, is a soil full of a poisonous chemical. Everything good or bad in it, dies from within. All the rain, shine and nutrients are in vain.

Your heart and mind are the soil and the plants and other matter, your life. If the heart and mind carry envy, all else that is good from within and around you, diminishes in importance. The saddest aspect about people going green with envy, is that they develop habits of acting with pure malice and impudence. Envy does not wish a body well. Any body,for that matter.

Our good Lord, effects punishment of this vice full circle. When you envy others, you get hurt. Envy eats you up! Not those you envy. Proverbs 14:30 “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

Envy is a result of greed. Children need to be taught early in life, that envy is a sign of laziness and greed. In molding young minds, this vice should be constantly harped upon as destructive to the self and harmful to society. Read the rest of this entry →

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.
Sometimes Our Good Lord just wants us to stop working at whatever problem we are facing, to pause in solution hunting, to lay down the tools of war, to stop praying while crying, to cease the loud lamentations, and just be at peace and leave it all to Him. In this instruction to us, we are asked to dare to believe.

I am a true believer- no matter what level of sinner the world may label me. I tell you! There are moments when I will stop worrying about it all. Bila kujali – without a single doubt – that it will all be solved in a miraculous way. And guess what? All the time that I have chosen to be still and to acknowledge that my God is able, He has fulfilled my wish beyond my wildest dreams.

I once wrote my friends..about four or more years back. I suspect most just went duh?! I said in this mail, that it is possible that sometimes to solve our problems, God turns back the hands of time for particular situations, and makes things right again. It’s complicated, but Science Fiction movies have shown just how easily possible it is. If man can do it in make believe, how much so easier is it for our Lord? I guess that is why we get dejavu about a place, occurrence or person. That ; “I have been there, done that, interacted with”…..feeling. Read the rest of this entry →

I have endeavored to keep account mainly about child upbringing and single parenthood to date. However, today I will digress and talk about men and the current lack of chivalry among them.

So much is being said about us women having become so easy to get, loose, immoral etc. However, for every action, there is a reaction. Men today have no qualms about lamenting on and on about how women have worn trousers and taken up their roles.

Harken men! This is a sign that you have so failed to do your bit, that woman- the ever efficient multitasking person- has decided to also do your share of the work; in order to keep the race moving at the rate it should. Surely I imagine, if we women did not take up some of our male roles, earning, child upbringing, decision making, paid manual labor etc, our species would be underdeveloped and maybe under fear of being overtaken by aliens or wild animals. Just my two cents.

Traditionally, men were supposed to hunt, gather food, protect, instruct and guide the woman in family matters. Tradition flew out the window, when men replaced brains with brawn. Read the rest of this entry →