Myths exist in a given culture because they are necessary to veil the underlying truths that they pertain to. In order to deal with these myths in an effective way they must be confronted directly with a balanced mind and wise insight, disregarding the fear and rationalization that brought them into being in the first place.  Here are some myths that are still strongly embedded among many relationships and married couples, therefore as you read them try to scrutinize and determine if they have impacted some of your own attitudes.

1. Money is an important component in marriage, families and relationships mainly for what it symbolizes. Arguments on financial issues between married couples result as an expression of conflict as related to incompatible goals, competitiveness or due to an inner struggle for control and dominance – the struggle is in no way related to money.

2. The man in the family is assessed by how competent he is in how he earns and handles money. Most women will tell you that it is the responsibility of the man in the relationship to provide for all the needs of the woman and the family in general. In the view of this women tend to keep their money from the family budget and requesting for this money is considered as stinginess on the part of the man, financial accountability is foregone. What we need to understand is that with the advent of the 29th century both partners in a relationship carry equal responsibility not only financial but on other matters pertaining the relationship which is a healthy practice encouraging thus cooperation, closeness in the relationship, and accelerated development.

3. Money is a basis for an easy life, fewer worries and stable relationships. It is a common belief that couples with a lot of money are wise, self – disciplined, self – confident and untroubled. What we need to understand is that money by it self does not lead to feelings of security let alone feelings of financial stability. The comfort and stability of your marriage is not determined by the size of your bank account, it is rather determined by the values and priorities that you’ve set. To take responsibly for your marriage you must financial and life priorities and work upon your choices daily in regard to the priorities set.

4. Financial matters tend to be very complicated for married couples to comprehend. Financial matters are like any other challenges in life: the fundamentals have to be mastered one at a go. Set out by learning the financial basics of marriage and the practical steps that must be taken to resolve the specific financial concerns in your marriage. Seek out the necessary guidance from skilled partners, family, friends or professionals when their advice is needed.

5. Planning for your money should be left for the accountants and the other money experts. Couples must take responsibility for their ways of spending, budgeting difficulties, and the need to plan, save and invest for their future. Be willing and ready to communicate with your spouse concerning money matters and all other matters in general. This will bring about the feeling of a more stable position of support from which to choose money experts and deal with them in a more constructive way.

6. All marital problems including financial problems will be suppressed by true love and commitment. I wish this were true. More often than not anxiety over financial matters is rationalized when two people are in love, but these, unfortunately, are romantic impulses that are not established on anything realistic or practical. But the advantage of love and commitment is that it can establish a communication link between the two partners.

7. Money can be appropriately substituted for love and quality time spent with a partner. Some people might agree to this, but actions speak louder than words. Money symbolizes power, success and control. It is frequently substituted for other forms of relationships investments such as thoughtfulness, time, energy, empathy or tender care. We might deny it but it’s likely that most of us at one point or another have been guilty of engaging in a similar substitution.

8. Accumulated capital and assets are a determinant to the financial security in a relationship. Measurements in terms of size can never determine security, but rather marital fulfillment, relationships with others and generally attitudes and values. I might define real security as feeling and believing that you can ably handle the unexpected challenges that may arise whether financial or other issues. Money should be an instrument of sustained growth and to impact ones environment. Rather for majority of couples money or the lack of it for that matter is given a leeway to cause stress and anxiety.

9. Family monies should be handled by the partner more skilled in the financial field. Both spouses should actively engage and be knowledgeable in all financial matters and areas in the family. Financial management should not be frowned upon as a chore worth avoiding. It is a major part in the stability of you marriage or relationship. Dealing with your spouse on financial matters may rather be fun and rewarding in all other aspects of the relationship other than financially.

10. Accumulated money is the best tool to gauge a successful marriage or relationship. This is a wrong belief though it forms the base of much of the interaction in society. I agree with the fact that accumulated money is certainly used as a tool to determine success; however, we need not leave out the view of the tragic models of couples whose lives have been left at the mercy and power of wealth and see that it is very useless as a primary indicator to success. Rather I would advocate for life’s satisfaction and a happy marriage including inner fulfillment as more primary indicators to success than lots of money.

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It’s easy to comprehend “power” in celebrity, or status, in those we see on the news, or the ones that write best-sellers or live in the public eye. But authentic power is something much more restrained and inspirational. Webster’s Dictionary defines powerful as “having power, authority, influence.” According to this definition, being powerful is not in any way related to being a public figure, a superstar, a multi-millionaire or a politician.

While the world unquestionably needs revolutionaries and entertainers, (considering the influence of the late Michael Jackson) and politicians, (well, that one’s disputable) what the world needs in increasing measure are everyday women, not taking advantage of their power to position themselves over others, to re-write history or be wealthy and famous, but instead women who will utilize their power to build splendid lives for themselves.

The human race desperately needs women that direct their power into touching hearts with their authenticity, stirring emotions with their expressiveness and impacting their worlds with their “regular” lives. For in so doing, women will transform the world, re-write history, will be remembered… as women who recognized and exercised their power.

Do you understand the secrets of power-full living? How can you attract more power into your life? It’s simpler than you suppose…

1. A powerful woman recognizes her leakages, and patches them right away.
Everyone has an incredible potential for power. Think of this potential as a fuel tank, power being the fuel that moves you. When you have a leakage — even the tiniest pin-hole– you lose your power. Do you recognize where in your life you are losing power? What people, activities, obligations, or thought processes drain you of your power? As you come upon them, “patch” them up by making necessary changes.

2. A powerful woman exercises her authority.
Not meaning that you start bossing about your subordinates but absolutely means you stand up for your values, do not accept to be a door-mat, assume full responsibility for your life, refuse the “victim role, refuse to “settle” for less than you ought to have in life and love, and use your power to speak your mind.

3. A powerful woman re-fuels frequently.
Like fuel, power gets spent the more you “move”. It is necessary to re-fuel your power, the more you exercise it. A powerful woman does this by connecting with inspiration frequently and regularly, by expressing her creativity, reading good books, praying, meditating and exercising. There are a million different ways you can re-power. Settle for what appeals to your heart and do it.

4. A powerful woman surrounds herself with fellow powerful women.
Reality is, you won’t always feel strong and in control. Troubles, fears, and real-life problems have a way of exhausting our power. Women who are linked to other women can share their power. When one friend is low on power, another can “siphon” some of hers to share. Driving on “E” and puttering out on the side of life’s highway, a caring comrade can pick you up and bring you to the nearest re-fueling station.

5. A powerful woman shares her power.
It seems to go against what we think of as “Powerful,” not so? The good news is; sharing your power doesn’t lessen your power. You can share your power possibly by mentoring a teenage girl, writing poetry from the heart, raising strong and independent kids, or by putting your arm around someone who’s sad and empty; there are numerous ways you can share your power. And in contrast to those horrible “fuel-leak” energy-drains, this one essentially works in reverse. On sharing your power, the world becomes a little brighter, a little more beautiful, and YOU become more even power-filled than you were before.

Therefore recognize your point of power, your sources of energy, where you lose power, how to re-fill your tank, and how you can share your power.

Today, consider your remarkable potential for a power-filled life. And start living it.

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Resolution strategies
Conflict resolution skills can help you and your partner learn to argue in a more constructive manner, consider this advice:

• You are not a victim. It is your choice whether to react and how to react.
• Be honest with yourself. When you’re in the midst of an argument, are your comments directed toward resolution, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it’s best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
• Change it up. If you continue to respond in the same way that has brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can’t expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You’ll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
• Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you’re wrong. Sure it’s tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.
  “You can’t control anyone else’s behavior, the only one in your charge is you.”

Problem #5: Trust
Trust is an essential part of a relationship. Are there certain behaviors that are causing you to not trust your partner, or do you have unresolved issues that are hindering you from trusting others?

Resolution strategies
You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips:

• Be consistent.
• Be on time.
• Do what you say you will do.
• Don’t lie — not even little white lies, to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the other’s feelings. You can still disagree but don’t discount how your partner is feeling.
• Call when you say you will.
• Call to say you’ll be home late.
• Carry your fair share of the workload.
• Don’t overreact when things go wrong.
• Never say things you can’t take back.
• Don’t dig up old wounds.
• Respect your partner’s boundaries.
• Don’t be jealous.
• Be a good listener.

Problem #6: Not Prioritizing Your Relationship
If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point does not end when you say “I do.” Relationships lose their luster, So make yours a priority.

Resolution strategies

• Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Make gestures of appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
• Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
• Respect one another. Say “thank you,” and “I appreciate … .” It lets your partner know that he/she matters.

Problem #7: Struggles Over Home Chores
Nowadays, most partners work outside the home — and in today’s economy — often at more than one job, so it’s important to equitably divide the labor at home.

Resolution strategies

• Be organized and clear about your respective jobs in the home. “Write all the jobs down and agree on who does what.” Be fair: Make sure each partner’s tasks are equitable so no resentment builds.
• Be open to other solutions: If you both hate housework, maybe you can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. As long as it feels fair to both people, you can be creative and take preferences into account.

Although relationships have their ups and downs, there are things you can both do that may well minimize marriage problems, if not help avoid them altogether. Be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs — and will be able to figure them out without your asking — is a Hollywood fantasy. Ask for what you need directly. Use humor — learn to let things go and enjoy one another more. And be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don’t think that it will be better with someone else; the same problems you have in this relationship because of lack of skills will still exist.

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Ideally, there are certain basic issues a couple should discuss — such as money, sex, and kids — before they decide to start their life together. Of course, even when you do discuss these issues beforehand, marriage (or a long-term, live-in relationship) is nothing like you think it’s going to be.

Despite the fact that every marriage experiences relationship problems, couples who are successful have learned how to manage them and keep their love life going. They gain success in marriage by hanging in there, tackling problems, and learning how to maneuver through the complex issues of everyday married life. Here are some common issues and ways to resolve them:

Problem #1: Communication
All relationship problems stem from poor communication skills. You can’t communicate while you’re checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section.

Resolution strategies:

• Make time … yes, an actual appointment with each other. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let the answering machine pick up your calls.
• If you can’t “communicate” without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, or restaurant, where you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules … like not interrupting until the other is through, banning phrases such as “You always …” or “You never …”
• Remember that a large part of communication is listening, so be sure your body language reflects that. That means, don’t doodle, look at your watch, pick at your nails, etc. Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message and rephrase if necessary, such as, “What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we’re both working.” If you’re right, the other can confirm, and if what the other person really meant was, hey, you’re a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you, perhaps they’ll say so but in a nicer way.

Problem #2: Sex
Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Compounding these problems is the fact that men and women alike are sorely lacking in sex education and sexual self-awareness. Yet, having sex is one of the last things we should be giving up. Sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy.

Resolution strategies

• Plan, plan and plan. Make an appointment — not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby’s Saturday afternoon nap. Or perhaps a “before-work quickie”. Or ask Grandma and Grandpa to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. When sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation, adding that mixing things up a bit can increase your sexual enjoyment as well. Why not sex in the kitchen? Sex by the fire? Sex standing up in the hallway?
• It is also necessary to learn what truly turns your partner on by asking him or her to come up with a personal “Sexy List.” And, of course, you do the same. What do each of you truly find sexy? “The answers may surprise you.” Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.

Problem #3: Money
Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are said, from the expenses of courtship to the high cost of weddings. Couples who have money woes should take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Resolution strategies
The following advice is for having that much-needed financial conversation:

• Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle that was possible before the loss of income is simply unrealistic.
• Don’t approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both parties.
• Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understanding that there are benefits to both, and agreeing to learn from each other’s tendencies.
• Don’t hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
• Don’t blame.
• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It’s OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
• Talk about caring for your parents as they age, and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs, if necessary.

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Practicing intimacy
An essential ingredient of intimacy is allowing your spouse to be himself without striving to conform him to your ideals.
In intimacy, we try to grow closer together, not to eliminate the “otherness,” but to enjoy it. Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.

What keeps us from experiencing intimacy? All of us are self centered; the world revolves around us. Yet, when we focus on self, we lose intimacy.

The opposite of self-centeredness, then, is love. Love concentrates on the well-being of the spouse. We take time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of our spouse. We seek to understand and to respond with empathy. We choose to do things with each other, even things that may not be our favorite activities, simply because we want to be with each other.

In the context of such intimacy we become supportive and caring of each other, which builds a stronger, more contented relationship or marriage.

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Signs of relationship failure
It needs no special skills to understand when a relationship starts turning sour. Some of the indicators are:

• The partners start finding fault with each other.
• They stop listening to each other
• They start spending more time outside the house
• They find less and less time, and even less reason, to touch each other or reassure each other that everything is right.
• The trust breaks down.
• No satisfactory explanations are offered for coming late.
• Phone calls are not returned
• There is an attempt to hurt and wound each at the slightest possibility.
• The mutual respect that existed for each other starts shrinking.
• There are high expectations but no give and take.

How can women save the relationship
The onus to save a relationship rests on both the partners. One partner alone cannot save a relationship if the other is adamant of walking away. However, if the relationship is in trouble on account of misunderstandings then surely the woman in the house can save it.

The first step is to start listening to her mate. She need not flare up or show her disapproval if she does not agree to what he has to say. Instead, she must accept at face value his statements. This is not an easy task but the first critical step to assuage his male ego. No man wants to be treated lightly. He will start feeling more wanted if he finds that the woman he loves is not always on the warpath. The small conversations that ended up in bitterness and conflict will gradually start getting longer.

The next step is to show that you want your man to come closer to you. This can start by putting a little more passion in the peck that you give him when he leaves for work or the hug when he returns. He may surely be surprised, and even a little restrained to return you new found love, but there is no better way to close the gap than through touch. It can bridge the widest of distances that may divide a relationship.

You should simultaneously start finding fault with him. Don’t ask him to give an explanation for coming late or staying away on weekends. Take it in your stride. Wait for him to open up.

Give the man some space
Also, give him space to unwind when he returns from work. You don’t have to rush to him, and start a conversation. Every man likes some private time and space to himself. Let him avail it; let him cool down and become emotionally more ready for your light chat and banter. Avoid subjects that he thinks are frivolous; focus on issues that may interest him. Of course, don’t try to fool him by trying to over reach yourself. Even silences are great for companionship. You can just pat his hair or hold his hand while he watches TV or hover close around him to make him feel wanted.

Soft music and good food can make him more relaxed. Try to play music that he likes, and cook food that he loves. You should allow him to set the pace if he wants to take you to bed. Don’t push yourself on him. But let him believe that you have come to him because you wanted it. This anyway is true.

Don’t try to change your man
It is important that you stop trying to change your mate. This is one mistake that most spouses make. They think that their men will change if they keep after them. Nothing can be more counterproductive. Constant nagging only leads to revolt and rebellion. Also, stop blaming your mate for anything and everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. It will only make him fight back.

You must not sound or look dishonest when you are trying to salvage the relationship. It is essential that you have full belief in what you are doing. You should gradually make him talk of why he had starting moving away from you. Once again, you don’t have to push him into talking about his misgivings. You should create a situation where he wants to confess, where he wants to release the pent up feelings. This can have magical affect on your relationship. Suddenly, the ghosts that had bedeviled your relationship will be exorcised.

There will be trust again, and mutual faith. Try not to loose it again.

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The question of who should pay for services when a man and a woman are dating is one that cannot be given an easy answer without one making some investigation. According to relationship experts, the matter of who should pay depends on the time and place of the relationship. That is how old and how far you have gone in the relationship that establish who should picking the bills.

The First Two Months
In the beginning, there was man; likewise, in the commencement of the relationship, it is the man who has to pay. There should be no compromise here. The first two months provide the man opportunity to demonstrate that he is solvent, capable and understands the societal conventions of dating and all are ranking qualities ladies will be looking for in a date. In this period, when the whole is just beginning, it is the man who usually initiates dates and wants to take the woman out. Of course he has to pay for what he has initiated.

Three Months Or More
The couples should begin to take seriously any relationship that goes further than three months. It is no longer a fling thing. Defining the relationship usually occurs something around month three, and when it comes to who should pay, it’s around this time that payment obligations begin to transfer. At this junction, if the woman is working and has the money, she should begin to pick some of the bills. Experts in dating recommend that couples should employ a 65 to 35 ratio on who should pay: The woman pays once for every three times the man pays for something. U can propose to use this approach for the remainder of the relationship. Nevertheless, this is only a general rule of thumb, not an precise prescription that you have to follow devotedly. Maintaining an official scorecard isn’t necessary and could be counterproductive because a relationship is, or at least should be flexible. Sometimes a man can get the dinner and he’ll go on spending spree and sometimes she will just be thrifty.

It’s just a matter of maturity and understanding. Doing so will bring a healthy equilibrium and institute a true feeling of shared responsibility in the relationship.

In Marriage
Some women reveal that it makes them feel cheap and desperate when they are dating a man and they have to pay for what they are making use of collectively. If that is an acceptable excuse, there is no reason why you should not begin to pick some of the bills when two of you are finally committed in matrimony. In marriage, the couple must share the responsibilities. The fact that man has a better job than the woman is not an excuse to shy away from assuming some monetary responsibilities in the upkeep of the house. Actually, finance or money is one of the main reasons that marriages break or face severe challenges. The ladies should know that times have changed a lot and it is no longer the convention that the man must shoulder all the financial upkeep of the house. A man will respect you more and show you more love if you contribute financial to the running of the house. To that end, you should insist on doing something to earn some money. The days are gone when a woman sit at home in the name of being a housewife.

You may not have to get a job outside, but if you look around, you will find out find out there are a number of small businesses you can set up while at home that will earn you some money.

The Wealth Ratio
One fact that everyone especially woman must take into consideration is the fact that the concept of modern marriage is that of partnership. And partners must contribute their quotes for the partnership to grow. In the same vein, the more affluent of the partners ought to contribute more financially to the partnership irrespective of whether that partner is the husband or wife.

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Once you have decided to have an official relationship, you both need to remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. For instance, what attracted you to each other both physically and emotionally? What do you like about his or her personality? This will help not taking the other for granted, which can often happen after two people have been together for a long time. This does not mean the love is vanishing, but it does mean that there is lack of effort. People tend to get lazy after a while, because they feel comfortable and safe. This dilemma can be solved when both people are willing to make the time and effort.

Everybody is independent in their own beliefs and ideas about things, so never expect a person to always see things your way. Nevertheless, it is important to have similar expectations out of a relationship, if you wish to avoid recurrent arguments. Look for things like whether or not it is important for the both of you to see each other everyday, or have sex often. While seeing each other on a day after day basis seems great and healthy to some people, others may feel smothered and need space to have some alone time. Or if sex is on the top of your list, but is not on your partners, you might want to consider that, unless you do not mind waiting or taking care of yourself once in a while depending on how long you have to wait!

Patience is one of the main keys to a hale and hearty relationship. There are times when our partner will not respond in a way in which is agreeable to us, but this does not mean we have to take it so seriously or personally. Always slow down, take a deep breath and think of reasons why your partner may be acting a certain way. Assuming and jumping to conclusions is always an unhealthful step to take because it shows your partner that they are not permitted to act freely and they feel attacked, not to mention it shows that you automatically assume the worst of them. Give your mate some time and let them know that you will be there for them when they are ready to talk. No matter what the situation may be, patience is golden in a relationship, except if your partner never wants to talk about matters with you (which would mean you require counseling or abandon the relationship).

Honesty is also at the top of everyone’s list when it comes to what people yearn for out of a relationship. A person wishes to know that they can trust their mate because it builds a zone of safety and comfortableness around them. They want to know that they can at least rely on their adoring partner to tell them the truth, no matter what. Being human means NOT being perfect, meaning we will make mistakes. Now, we should not let that fact lead us to making mistakes we already know are wrong ahead of time. If your partner deliberately makes mistakes or you knowingly make mistakes, it shows that you or your partner lacks respect and care for the other. This is unhealthy for the relationship. What is healthy however, is realizing that what you committed is a mistake. You or your partner need to know that what they did was wrong and they ought to feel the sympathy for what they did. Once you or partner has realized this, you can then seriously consider a way of how you will confess your wrong doings to the other.

Tell us in the comments what you think the recipe for a healthy relationship is.

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