Category Archives: Crystal Dings

Why guys should always make the first move … well … sort of

Why guys should always make the first move … well … sort of

Guys are slow. They don’t often fall in love at first sight. Lust, maybe, but not love. The average guy takes six months to really like a girl, while women fall head over heels in six minutes. Well, sometimes. The point is, a girl falls for a guy way faster than a guy falls for a girl. That’s why we have all those breakdowns in communication. Girl meets boy, boy gets girl’s number, boy takes 3 days to use number. Sometimes it’s because he’s watched the playa movies, so he wants to keep her guessing… Continue reading →

How long should you date before you marry?

How long should you date before you marry?

I’ve known him for almost two years now, and I still find new stuff about him. We were sitting on my couch the other day, with Princess resting her head on my knees. We were watching cartoons, and suddenly, we all started singing: ♫ Mama had a chicken, Mama had a cow ♫ ♫ Daddy was proud, he didn’t care how! ♫ I stared through the rest of the song. It was anything but a loving gaze. See, I hate this cartoon. And when I say hate, I mean detest. It’s silly, tasteless, and utterly… Continue reading →

Beyoncé who?!

Beyoncé who?!

Women are their own worst enemies. Every woman knows that. If she’s not  poisoning your friends or trying to steal your man, she’s standing there all hot and gorgeous, minding her own business and looking better than you. I was having a random moment yesterday and wondering if anyone is confident enough to not be jealous. I realize that’s bad grammar, but there’s no other way to put it. I mean, think about the Shakira-Beyoncé video. They both looked pretty awesome and danced pretty well. They sounded great too. But when they both got home,… Continue reading →

Converting my house to a home

Converting my house to a home

When I first moved into my flat, I bought some floor cushions, a mattress, a microwave, and a TV for my baby. If it was just me, I’d be content with a fridge and a radio, but she loves her soaps and cartoons, so the screen was necessary. For a month, I felt my house wasn’t homely, and I wanted to fix that, but I didn’t know how. I looked at cosy houses and tried to see what they had that I didn’t, and I decided it was a sofa – and a carpet. But… Continue reading →

The Secret, Depression and The Science of Getting Rich

The Secret, Depression and The Science of Getting Rich

You wouldn’t know it by looking, but I’ve struggled with depression all my life. I’ve actually attempted suicide twice. The first time I tried, I was six, or maybe eight. Probably eight. Most people think I’m cheerful, bubbly, completely irrepressible, and possibly bipolar, but I do that more for their benefit. It’s not about pretending or putting on a brave face. It’s about focussing on others. I want them to be happy, so I giggle and laugh and make jokes to keep them smiling, even though inside I’m an massive hole. Sometimes, while I’m playing… Continue reading →

Babies make the world go round

Babies make the world go round

I have this neighbour who has a really hot bike. I wish I was sharp enough to say it has XYZ horsepower, carries ABC cc and has a carburator distributor thingamawhatsit, but all I know is it’s hot, and it’s black. I’m so enamoured with that bike that every time he rolls it by, I give a compliment. To the bike, not the guy. He parks it outside my door, so I’ve seen him move it a dozen times, but I have not once looked at his face. And no, it’s not the helmet. One… Continue reading →

Looking for Kenyan husbands … ?

Looking for Kenyan husbands … ?

For few weeks now, I’ve seen a banner in my facebook sidebar. It shows a pretty lady in a yellow dress, and the text says something about ministries that help women get married. I didn’t pay much attention to it, since I’m in no hurry to walk down that aisle. But then over the weekend, I heard about this event at KICC. Apparently, a Nigerian Broda was giving a sermon on how to catch a husband in six seconds or less. He preached for four hours, and promised the women up to four proposals by… Continue reading →

How to lose a guy in 10 days

How to lose a guy in 10 days

I love to read articles about understanding men, mostly from the home page on MSN. Every time I discover some delicious new fact about our Martians, I try it out on my better half. His response is always something like, ‘The trouble with women is that they take all their man-talk from other women.’ I always want to yell,  ‘Men don’t talk about their feelings, so we have to discover them through other women … or gay friends!’ And somehow I don’t think man advice from a gay pal counts for much, because their thought… Continue reading →

So much for my happy ending…

So much for my happy ending…

I’m not a big believer in internet dating, even though I’ve met a lot of loved ones that way. The whole concept just seems contrived and artificial. Though, for the record, I’m not big on offline dating agencies either. It’s a bit different when you’re not going online specifically to find a mate. I found the love of my life on a website for writers, and what started out as an exchange of style and prose ended up in a beautiful relationship. This story – the one I’m about to tell – started with a… Continue reading →

Purple at last!

Purple at last!

I’ve been trying to get my hair coloured for a while, and I finally gave up  after four tries and three thousand shillings. I didn’t want to pour more money down the sink. Plus, I was afraid my hair would fall off. Hair colour can do that sometimes. The saga began with a mix of two colours – ultraviolet black and aubergine. This was followed by some food colour, more aubergine, and some wailing with mirrors. The first time I dyed it, the hairdresser said it was coloured, but my baby girl said otherwise. I… Continue reading →

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