New phases in life are…scary…interesting…exciting. It all depends on where you are coming from. Hannah, my dear friend, is just starting a new-ish phase in many ways and wonders sometimes if she will hack it.
Separated, new job, new town, a kid on the way…she collapses in a heap on my shoulder. “Why don’t they stay? Why do I keep looking for love in intimate entanglements that get me nowhere? How will I feed this young ‘un with no ‘second hand’ to feed him/her?” she wailed, dramatically. She has been posted to Kakamega to open a new office for her bosses, and the countryside is just not her thing!
I slithered out of her wet embrace and quickly put on a pot of ginger tea. I watched the changes of time on her face, figure and personality and realised life can be heartless. She had been such a fighter. Now, she regularly found solace in the arms of unknown lovers, skillfully gaining economically from the unsuspecting males. But I’ve come to learn that some know the gold-digger from afar and still choose to get entwined. Others…wel….Some were one-night stands, some half yearly liaisons, one was a long-standing on/off ‘relationship’ now running into its 3rd year (that seemed her best bet for permanence). Yet, it was she that was running scared from the thought of settling down with this Adonis!
“So, Hannah honey, some tough decisions must be made…”
- You’re pregnant and weepy…expected. So he doesn’t want none of it. You’ll make it through. Don’t wring the sympathy too much out of that one, though. Eat healthy, think healthy and Focus. There sanother human being depending on you. Selfishness stunts must go. Careless living must be curbed.
- Take the bull by the horns. It is what it is. You got here somehow…let’s keep walking. New environments can mean a fresh start. New decisions, having learnt from past mistakes. New friendships can also elevate what’s already present. Relocate and see what you find on the ground (we laughed at that pun).
- Take time to let things fall in place. Too many drastic decisions, hot on the heels of each other, can be disastrous. Anger and self pity are terrible companions around which to make life decisions.
- Socialise…don’t be a recluse just coz it’s ‘Kachmek’ slang for Kakamega! Networks can be therapuetic too. Hot ‘Khumundu strong’ Baluyia men can be all the rage again. Look at the Injera and Khayange boys…men!
- Introspect every so often. Don’t be so busy doing, you forget to take time to BE. Live in the moment. Savour it. FEEL. Every last bit of emotion in this intense new phase. Heartache, desolation, freedom to be yourself doing your thing again, opportunities to learn and grow.
- Start new stuff. Learn a skill. Take up a hobby. Mental engagement at this level takes the attention away from the sordid deeds of the past.
- Ricardo, or his romantic Mexican ilk, will find you by and by. For now, stay on the straight and narrow.”
“Well, that’s easy for you to say! I get lonely. I know myself. I need adult company more often than most”.
“Isn’t that what got you in this spot, playing the field on a loyal hubby?” I asked, incredulously.
“See,”…her eyes danced mischievously…”am now away from prying eyes even more. Who knows me in the backwoods of nowhere-land? I could introduce some civilised Nairobi culture and zing there. I won’t show for some months yet. Besides, there are ways to terminate, that are safe. My life lies ahead in so many ways,” she contnued, oblivious of the horror on my face. “I also have a choice in this matter. My body, my choice. If he won’t play, then I don’t have to.
Did she just say ‘terminate’? A foetus? For the sake of some fun?
“And if you die in the process?”
A risk I will have to take. Who is going to hang around and marry a mama with love handles, kids on her arm, trying to make ends meet?”
Did I mention this was her second born from her 3rd live-in boyfriend? I know…hard to believe.
She probably had come to me because termination was too scary and she needed a second nod. My head was staying put! She either carries it to term and gives it up for adoption, or raised by family. But I wasn’t being caught dead handing her the knife.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. I guess Change is strange like that…
Photo credit: Marcos Santos
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Christine is passionate about working with high achieving women who are not where they want to be. She teaches them how to communicate with Confidence and Clarity towards Personal Fulfillment, Living Passionately and impacting their world. An Events Consultant at Sauti Events & Audio Consultancy (https://www.sautieventsandaudio.kbo.co.ke), and Motivational Speaker with FINE WOMEN Motivational Forum, she is an avid reader and enjoys making friends, travelling, the theatrical arts and cookery. "Entertainia" is her middle name...