Where were you when I was Single? – Part 1

wedding-ring“Dude, didn’t that mama notice the ring on your finger?”

Wapi! Maybe she thought it was bling”

“Bling on your wedding ring finger? Stop making up excuses for her Man”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying she wants you to give it to her like a Spartan!”

“He he he, I’m a married Man”

“Lawrence bana, what happened to you? Now I believe in Miracles kabisa!”

“I don’t know. You really think that girl wanted me?”

“Dude, she was all over you the whole night, took your number, introduced you to her friends, refused to dance with all the other guys at the table except you, the only guy at the table with a wedding ring on his finger. Are you retarded?”

“Damn. That chic was fine though!”

“Oh yeah! I’d do her in a heartbeat!”

Oops, getting carried away here. That my friends was a conversation with one of the boys my Wife Milkah (remember Milkah?) doesn’t really approve of. Every time I tell her I’m going out with Steve she cringes. But Steve is awesome, always provides a great distraction when I feel overwhelmed with this marriage stuff.

So marriage is great. Yeah, that’s me saying that.

Except for one little problem.

Before we get to that though, here’s a recap of what’s happened since we last talked. I got married, got a Kid (little girl that’s both cute and irritating in equal measure), stopped frequenting Kamau’s (Milkah made sure of that), changed apartments (she said too many Women had been naked in it) and changed jobs (apparently when you get married things like Pension fund and discounted Loans start becoming a career defining factor).

I am, well, satisfied. I am tempted to say Happy but that wouldn’t be entirely true. I was happy. Now I simply feel satisfied. I’m so satisfied my mid region is beginning to testify to it.
To be honest I miss Kamau, and once in a while I call him up to catch up. I miss late night conversations about Women with Maasai my former gate man. I miss leaving my shoes anywhere I want in MY house. I miss loud music in MY house. And of course I miss being a ‘Spartan’ as Steve would put it.

I have added a few new words to the list of things I hate. Previously this list only had Carrots (I hate Carrots!) and Kenyan Cops. It now has the following in addition to these:

  1. Chamas
  2. Playdates
  3. Instagram (Coz Milkah loves it so much it eats into my ‘Lungula’ time…)
  4. Padded Bras (You know why…)
  5. Baby on Board Stickers
  6. Daddy Duty (God knows I love my sleep!)
  7. Budgets (Before the Marriage, all I cared about was that rent was paid. Not anymore)
    This list keeps growing, and I recently added a new one
  8. Girls who ignore the Wedding ring

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the flattery of a pretty girl finding me appealing, but when it goes to the extent of her blatantly ignoring my Wedding ring’s existence and shamelessly flirting with me, I hate that. I hate it because I know how I weak I am. I hate it because I fear eventually breaking under the pressure. I hate it because these girls seem to be much much hotter than the ones I nailed before I got married. I hate it because “Where the F&^% were they when I was a free bird???”

I would like to tell you about this one girl. Yvonne. The girl that nearly made me bid farewell to my wife and child and relapse back to my old ways. Oh Yvonne, that tempting damsel!

But first, tell me this. Why on earth do girls choose to ignore the Wedding ring?

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Lawrence is the guy next door; A young, aspirational Kenyan gentleman; But most of all, a romantic soul in search of true love.

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