Me, me and more me! [Part 1]

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thinking-womanI have taken time over the past six months to really look at myself. To really delve deep and find out who I am, not just as a person unto myself, but as a person in relation to others. My relationship with my creator, my relationship with my family, my relationship with my co-workers, my relationships with friends and more critically my relationship with men. It has of course been brought about by the fact that I am in a sleepy town; well to be honest not really sleepy, perhaps I am the one who went to sleep! I actually dropped into this town with guns blazing, buying one, two investments here and there, pursuing higher education while at the same time reading for other professional papers, spending sleepless nights; I was on a roll, all in the course of a year and a half after moving into town! The result of my roll was of course a dwindled social life, friends who call to ask if you died, parents who meet you in the street like strangers and wonder whether you really live in the same town with them! Story for another day! So when the year ended I was drained and felt I needed to rediscover me. Just rest and find out where the hell my life was moving towards!

I am a single lady aged 28. I am not dating. Though I understand dating these days has changed definitions to mean coffee dates, hanging out with a guy and these casual meet ups. Reminds me of the saying, ‘I love you, but I am not in love with you’! Really, who gets to play around with definitions of words and gets the whole world following them? By dating I mean I am not seeing anyone in the form of a serious relationship. Moving on, I have invested considerably well in myself. I am not there, but I am headed there! Where there is where I want to be in future. Word play! I do not eat well, nor do I exercise. I sit at work all day, get into my car and rush home to sleep. Story of my life. So I am in a small town somewhere and I realize everything I do is really about me, this is the account of what I found out.

I have made my life so much about me that I no longer attend church, not consciously. Sometimes it could be that I am conveniently busy, perhaps someone needs me  this Sunday, the boss needs me to go to work next Sunday, oh when was the last time I had a weekend to myself, the other Sunday, and on and on it goes. Before long two months have gone by, then three, suddenly I do not even know the last time I was in church! My relationship with God has suffered a huge blow, I cannot even fathom. I am simply ashamed. When we talk about offerings and tithe, I run and hide.

What does it say when you are in the same town as your folks and you only see them once in three months. For others it is worse I know, but still, my folks are the coolest people around town. They hold their own, so no, they do not beg and borrow and tell you about their ailing health and the high cost of medicine every time you go. Or about the leaking roof. They are not rich, but they want for nothing. Why I do not see my folk, well, I am ‘busy’. Busy sleeping of course; busy daydreaming in the office; busy being a busy body! My sisters and brother, communication is at an all time low, thank God for facebook, that would also be in the trenches. Now again they are the coolest people around town, I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. We spent some good days with my family laughing and we still do when we meet up. People hardly get our jokes, but we laugh at them till we roll over, cry tears and hold our stomachs since we can’t breathe. True Story!

Author : Monica Ogada
Bio: I live and work in Kisumu. I like to laugh, I gravitate towards all things funny! I have multiple personalities, I conform to whatever the situation calls for at that time! Most people do not know the real me! I would love to travel and experience the world!

Photo credit: mckenna71

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