After what seemed like an eternity in hell, he spoke. He asked what my plan was, and I told him exactly what I knew he wanted to hear. He asked if I loved his daughter, I said I did one hundred percent.
If I had thought facing Milkah’s Dad was the hardest part about all this, I was zombie dead wrong. That was just the beginning. I remember going to bed that night and thinking phewx! I made it through the Shark Tank. What an idiot I was!
So let’s recap. I am 29, single and full of zest for life. Great job, a great girl and now, a baby. Wasn’t I the luckiest person in the world? Surprisingly I didn’t see it that way. No Sir.
I decided to call a council of the wisest people I knew. This included Kamau, the owner of my Local Tavern; Tim, the only voice of reason in my life; my boss, who just happened to be a year younger than I and married; and Maasai, our aging gatekeeper who I felt provided lots of wise counsel from years of managing his three wives in Samburu land. Kamau became the defacto Chairman of our little council. He was also generous enough to provide the lubricants needed to quench the throats of the councilmen as they spewed forth wisdom.
Kamau: Rawrence, thank you for inviting us to your home. This is indeed the end of an Ela. I have to admit I will miss our rate nights at the Bar and ferrying you home thereafter.
Lawrence: Kama, Are you saying the late nights are over??
Kamau: We will get there son. Ret us start by anaryzing the situation as it is.
Tim: I have known Lawrence longer than anyone here so please allow me.
Kamau: Certainry Tim.
Tim: Lawrence, I could tell you that you are screwed for life. But I think you have already deciphered that for yourself. But I know you. You are passionate for life, you are adventurous and you hate routine. On the table are two options. One, you accept the situation, change your expectations of Life, propose to Milkah, get married and join the Club. If you choose that option we will need to do a funeral for the former King of the Club scene. Two, you accept the situation but don’t change. Make some readjustments such as creating time to spend with your Child and reducing on the philandering but don’t get married. Simply, grow up a little.
Kamau: Thagyu Tim. Rawrence, there comes a time when nesha becomes bigger than any of us. That happened with my first wife. She was a virgin when I had her in a plantation in the country side. She got pregnant immediately. They are very fertile where I come from. I married her culturally and left her there before I came to the City. I have not seen her for years.
Maasai: That happened with my first wife too. Where I come from if you see a girl you like on the road, you simply hijack her and if you can manage to drag her to your house she is yours. I dragged this beautiful girl home. Boy wasn’t she a fighter! Only for me to realize she was infertile. I could not take her back. So I went looking for a second one.
Lawrence: Guys, none of this is helping at all.
Boss: Lawrence, you are not a child. I agree with Tim. Simply make a decision, are you going to marry her, or are you ok with her being your baby mama?
Lawrence: It doesn’t matter now. I already promised her dad I would marry her.
Kamau: Wait a minute! Ndid you expricitry say you will marry her?
Lawrence: Not exactly, I said we would work together to the end.
Maasai: So you did not commit. The end could be anything!
Lawrence: Trust me, that man won’t take anything less than a marriage.
Boss: I don’t think its about him Lawrence. If you get married just to please the old man, you are dooming yourself to a life of boredom and cheating on your wife with everything that walks. You need to do this for you, not for him.
Kamau: Rawrence, how many Wives do you intend to have?
Lawrence: What?? I don’t want to get married Kama!! Not for another few years at least. Have you seen how boring Tim’s life is?? No offence.
Tim: None taken.
Boss: If you don’t want to get married what are we doing here?
Lawrence: There’s a child involved Boss. I don’t want my kid to become a statistic. I don’t want my kid growing up with a single mom.
Maasai: It is not necessarily such a bad thing. My father died when I was 2 years old and I grew up just fine.
Lawrence: Maasai, you impregnated my house girl and had to marry her as your third wife.
Maasai: What does that have to do with my single mother??
Kamau: Ok ok! Before we start pointing fingers. Rawrence, what about the girl, what’s her name?
Kamau: Yes, that one. Do you see her as a potential wife?
Lawrence: She is perfect for a wife Kama.
Kamau: Good. So the probrem is not her, it is you. You don’t want the seriousness that comes with marriage.
Lawrence: Yes. And I don’t want to be a cheating husband either. But life with just one Woman?? Plus have you seen how they let go and become lazy after giving birth?? They even forget make up exists!!
Boss: Not all women are like that Lawrence.
Lawrence: Exactly my point. You never know if you are landing the kind that gets their sexy back after birth, or the ones that settle for being Momos!! I’m not taking that risk my friend.
Tim: This meeting is going nowhere. Lawrence, you can’t have your cake and eat it. If don’t want to get married, tell the girl now so she can start planning for her future without you and continue being you, but with a baby mama. That’s the only way out.
Kamau: Or Marry her, take her up country, then come back to the city and live your life the way you want.
Lawrence: She is a city girl. She is not going up country.
Boss: I think you know what you need to do Lawrence.
Tim: Time to step up and be a man bro. It’s not the same, but it’s a whole new kind of adventure, one you will enjoy tremendously if you put your heart into it.
Kamau: Sure, listen to people who have been married for two minutes.
Maasai: I can organize a fine girl for you in Samburu land my friend. When you are tired of your wife you can be taking a trip down there and she treats you like a King. You just need to go through the rite of passage to become a Moran and you can have as many as you want.
Lawrence: Ok guys, thanks. I know what to do now. Let’s drink!
Photo credit: dcubillas
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Lawrence is the guy next door; A young, aspirational Kenyan gentleman; But most of all, a romantic soul in search of true love.