Of Bridesmaids and Wedding Dramas

I never told you about Tim’s Wedding day.

Tim, for those of you who have short memories happens to be my best friend, and the proud husband to a girl with who if he screwed up for even one second I would be first in line knocking on her door. Her name is Christine.

It’s been just over 1 year now since the day they exchanged Vows at a solemn event in a 100 year old chapel at Nairobi’s Lavington area. A beautiful ceremony, yet simple and elegant like everything else Tim does. To my utter indignation, the boy chose not to have me, his Best friend of 8 Years as a Best Man. After everything we have been through together, he opted to go for a ridiculously boring acquaintance that he met a couple of years back at a Leadership Convention and had grown to be somewhat a peer Mentor of sorts to Tim. I don’t care much for mentors, especially when they can snatch the best man position from right under your nose.

I don’t like this Mentor guy. He doesn’t like me, and at one point even tried to convince Tim that I was a weed in his Life and that he should prune me out. Can you believe this dude?

Anyways, I had to settle for the humble position of being merely a bridal party member; a dreary position that I had to share with Tim’s younger brother, a social misfit of sorts who I swore never to go drinking with again after he decided to defecate right inside the club! A story for another day.

The highlight of an otherwise pitiful day for me was my companion on the Bridesmaids side of things. A slender youngling with a waistline that though camouflaged by the hideous bridesmaid attire Christine condemned them to wear, still showed promise of better things. Her facial beauty wasn’t much to write home about but hey, you can’t get it all.  She smiled easily, and kept stealing glances at me; an act that did not go unnoticed by Christine who gave me a don’t-you-dare look while smiling at her in-laws at the same time.

Her name was Eunice.

Eunice was a colleague of Christine’s at the law firm where they both sued people for a living. I had never met her before, and it would later become obvious why Christine had kept her safely hidden from me. She also happened to have a Photographer Fiancé who of all the Weddings happening that day chose to perform his art at this Wedding! This little detail eluded me.

As the day progressed, in between walking side by side along the aisle, serving cakes to happy wedding attendees, dancing in pairs to wedding songs and assisting with transiting Wedding presents to the Bride and Groom’s hotel suite, Eunice and I got close, even exchanging suggestive nuances at times.

Her Photographer Fiancé was either too engrossed in capturing the day’s Moments or simply didn’t know the age old art of peeing around your territory; either way, my allusive smiles and hand slides on Eunice’s waistline went totally unnoticed by him. As far as I knew, she was mine for the day, and God help my soul if I did not introduce her to life on the Coke side of life.

Evening Party, and there we were, ready to get lubricated while wishing the happy couple a happy life together. No sooner had the dance floor been declared open by Tim & Christine than I grabbed Eunice into my arms and engaged her in what could be deemed by Tim’s Mentor as gyrating at mildly inappropriate levels. She showed no signs of resisting my moves, but I could sense a slight hint of hesitation. I was already on my 4th of 5th bottle thus a little hesitation could not have been considered cause for alarm at this stage.

A few minutes later, I was ready for a stroll into the night, otherwise known as Stage two. I whispered this suggestion into her ear, while gently pulling her away from the half-drunk dancers. She acquiesced, albeit now vividly hesitant.

As we walked away from the Party, I enquired if there was anything the matter. Was she cold? I had an extra jacket in my Car which I was more than willing to share. No she was not. She was just concerned. Concerned about what? About Joe. Who was Joe? Her uhm, Fiancé. Aah, Fiancé! Well, she had nothing to worry about as I was not trying to steal her away, just enjoying a pleasant walk under the moonlight with a beautiful lady.

She smiled, relaxed a little bit as I offered my arm as a gentlemanly support.

I know not where the blow appeared from. Was it behind, or was it from the side? Either way, it had me disoriented enough to receive another blow straight into my face, this one jolting me back into reality. I was being attacked, by what seemed like one man bubbling with ten men worth of Anger inside him. She screamed, telling a certain Joe to stop. Joe, the earlier mentioned Fiancé, I figured. Had this Joe fellow been stalking us? No time to think about that, a fourth Jab was heading my way and it was time to invoke jungle laws.

By the time the rest of the Party appeared at the scene, Joe and I were sprawling on the ground, tearing into each other like the two drunks we were at that point. I am not much of a fighter in the traditional sense of the word, so I guess I was on the receiving end for the most part as far as the Jab exchanges went.

Someone pulled Crazy Joe away from me. I rose, hurriedly walked away in a huff and puff, heading straight for my Car to examine any permanent damages that could have been inflicted on my most prized possession, my face! There was none, though I would have to put up with a few Bumps for some days. I had survived a near-fatal road accident before, so as painful as this was, it was nothing; except for the humiliation of getting ass-whooped in front of a girl of course.

A few minutes later I managed to piece the whole Photographer cum Fiancé scenario and was not sure whether to be mad at myself for not figuring things out sooner, or at Eunice for being too forthcoming despite having her Fiancé less than 10 Meters away the whole friggin time we were virtually canoodling!

Tim laughed, Christine was mad as hell, Tim’s Mentor reminded Tim once again why I was a weed in dire need of pruning, and I decided there was absolutely no lesson to be learnt from this experience.

Thank God Joe waited until end of day to release his Rage.

So how have you been?

Photo credits: Cieleke &  leocub

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