New breed of fathers

The atmosphere seems to be carrying some heavy expectancy…rushed…frantic. I don’t know what it is about this last quarter of the year (October to December) but it bears its own signature of the entire year.

There’s a transition of sorts for someone (family friend) who has been in a stable relationship for the past 5 years. No children came of their union (which he deeply regrets). His wife is also handicapped but couldn’t see what she had to offer him after they discovered her uterus was damaged. He holds his chin in his hands as he deeply shares his pain; disillusionment, anger, regret, hopelessness. Can they reconcile? Go back to…what?

Now in their final stages at the Divorce Court, there’s room for both to now start afresh..reinvent himself, move to a new town, start his biashara (business), dream and travel untethered. He says the memories of Nairobi are too painful, it’s too small a town in which to hide…I cant relate but I sit listening quietly.

Back to the ‘rushed’ atmosphere…I sense his rush because there’s a Plan he must execute within a set time frame. he is already making plans for Christmas but lost for where to be and who to be with…He always traveled with his wife. Now…?Emptiness. What is he planning for anyway?

He sees fathers and sons shopping, driving in the evenings, swimming… and he is missing out on an experience that leaves a deep ache in his heart. He wonders..should he adopt? Alone? What will his friends think?

His window of opportunity is fast closing around him. The dating scene is too scary, what with ‘cougars’ and homosexuals, he admits; plus he’s already done his far share of hunting. He doesn’t feel he wants to try that path again. The shortest route to his intended result would be best. Hassle-free…He wants to leave a solid and positive legacy and really wants to adopt a girl. Daughters have such a special place in their daddy’s heart. Stereotypes say he cant have a young girl in his home without a mother figure..he shakes his head ruefully. Either way, will he even get what his heart longs for? He wants to give of himself to make someone else’s life better but there are challenges all round.

Marriage is too risky. A child he can handle. “Oh, really”? I quip. You know they come with no Manuals, have their own Identity and Personality, which you have to spend time learning (called “Bonding”). Oh and chicks do LOADS of that!!Then she’s probably prone to speak more words than you and will need your undivided attention to cater to that deep need..Oh and don’t get me started on Teenage-hood and hormones and peer pressure and ‘fashionista’ hang-ups and boys and broken hearts and… his eyes started glazing over.

What? Is that a girl’s normal life? Yep…you better believe it!!!

Girls are sugar and spice and all things nice…

But am quick to encourage him not to throw in the towel just yet, in his pursuit. Am pleasantly surprised that selfishness or bitterness isn’t embedded in his soul. I point him in the direction of a couple of single dads I know, and wish him well as he finds himself. Hoping the choices will be good and thoroughly thought through.

Photo credit: nubuck 

As he walks away pensive, hands pushed deep into his jeans pockets, I realise there’s a new breed of fathers: men who aren’t afraid of taking the risk of starting and building a family all on their own. They also have the options the women have had. They can choose to bring home a son or daughter. Orphanages/Children’s Homes could probably benefit from these brave warriors…

So next time you see that guy pushing a stroller in the supermarket, diaper bag in hand and rucksack to boot, don’t be too quick to judge. It may just be my friend pouring into a child who needs a home, even as he himself needs a committed enough heart to love him back 🙂 May his December be merry and mild…

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Christine is passionate about working with high achieving women who are not where they want to be. She teaches them how to communicate with Confidence and Clarity towards Personal Fulfillment, Living Passionately and impacting their world. An Events Management Consultant and Motivational Speaker, she is an avid reader and enjoys making friends, travelling, the theatrical arts and cookery. "Entertainia" is her middle name...