Nature vs Nurture

I am a mother of three and going through my first pregnancy. My ex husband and I were not able to have children biologically so we adopted the most gorgeous children; 2 boys and 1 girl. Like any family, we’ve had our challenges and concerns for our children, even now when we are not together. Ultimately, we are committed to our children and their well being.

Last year a girlfriend set me up on a blind date with a man I decided didn’t suit me in any way. Lucky for me he was persistent. Two months after that hot chocolate at Dorman’s I accepted the dating commitment challenge. Was I head over heels? No…. but I was finally willing to give it a shot. It occurred to me then that I had got so used to expecting the worst in relationships that I was wired for rejection. My strategy was to reject any possibility to avoid eventual disappointment. So here I was walking into the possibility of failure and disappointment. Madness.

This man, the one who didn’t suit me, promptly immersed himself in to our family. Brave is not a word I would use to describe him. More like a warrior out of Spartacus. My brood were naturally wary of the new guy (that’s a story for another day). Wary became downright hostility. Hostility eventually became acceptance. Now there’s room to simply get to know each other. What a ride. And somewhere a long the way I discovered I’m pregnant. Huh! Knocked up at 39. Er waaaat?

I’m getting to the end of the 2nd trimester so I’m a bit more positive right now. Thoughts of the 1st trimester will cause me to shudder for the rest of my life. What an utter crazy 3 months. Nothing could have prepared me for the fatigue, nausea, discomfort and general feeling of helplessness. I see now why women are considered technically insane at such times (yet another story for another day)!

Whereas I have approached this pregnancy with a measure of shock, my unsuitable man has been thrilled and supportive throughout. The congratulations have been coming in fast and furious and we are happy. With many of these congratulations have come comments like “you finally get to have your own baby” or “you can finally be a mother”. For a mother of adopted children these comments are more wounding than you can imagine.

You see adoption is a great option and for countless parents the only option. We love our children as our own. There is no us and them. We are one. I became a mother the day my first son was put in my arms and I fed him. Three months later my second son crept on my lap and I cuddled him. A year later I sat next to my 9 year future daughter and started to get to know her as we played on swings. A child is not ours because of the biological connection. A child is ours because we love and nurture them knowing we will eventually have to let them go. This baby growing in my belly is a wonderful addition to what I can only describe as a growing family.

“A child is born with the potential ability to learn Chinese or Swahili, play a kazoo, climb a tree, make a strudel or a birdhouse, take pleasure in finding the coordinates of a star. Genetic inheritance determines a child’s abilities and weaknesses. But those who raise a child call forth from that matrix the traits and talents they consider important”  Emilie Buchwald 

Photo credits: BirkFoto

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Each life is a personal journey no matter how public it may all seem at times! I'm still figuring it out and here I share my journey ...and what I'm discovering along the way.

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