A few good men

Mature successful woman looking for her ideal man. Your kind, intelligent, can hold your own, confident, and articulate. You know exactly how to treat a woman like a queen…consistently and without complaint.

These are the sort of postings you find on dating sites, thousands of profiles that you are either intrigued by or skip over. I’ve joined quite a number of dating sites through the years, joining the “single and free” to mingle with the rest of the cyber lonely hearts, adventurers and imposters.

Determined to make that once in a lifetime connection I turned online to meet a variety of men in the shortest period of time. Clubs and bars were just not doing it for me but I will say the occasional house party offers better prospects. I don’t enjoy church functions, wedding committees and those sorts of gatherings so when I say the pickings have been lean I really do mean it.

And from this online adventure I’ve had four actual dates; two with guys who turned out to be married, one with a too young too broke and the final with the poster boy for the booty call lifestyle. Suffice to stay it has been a learning curve.

With time I’ve found it easier to be clear about what I don’t want than dealing with the bucket list of what I definitely need. Seems damn near impossible the other way around. So I don’t want a clingy, self centered or insecure guy who can’t hold a conversation, is unmotivated and uninterested in social issues and news in general. I have three children so obviously he can’t hate children, can’t be broke or have no sense of style. White socks absolutely not allowed. Also he can’t be shorter than me, geek like or a wimp. Oh and not fat. I’m petite and I am terrified of being crushed. Mmmmm…he cannot be more than 2 years younger than me. So there you have it… my deal breakers.

I will admit that my “I will not accept nor compromise” list has not made things easier but having a clear development plan has protected me in many ways and kept me clear headed in foggy or dark times. So when a friend set me up on a blind date I was expecting a half hour chat at most before I set my exit strategy into motion. Mr New Guy turned out to be a 10 years my junior sandal wearing geek…he was also incredibly engaging, funny, respectful and most importantly his eyes didn’t glaze over or dart around in panic when I talked about my children. Three hours later I really did have to leave. He asked if he could see me again. The list forgotten I said yes.

I spent three months talking myself out of dating Mr New Guy and finally gave up trying to cheat myself out of happiness. Yes we have a lot of things to work out but getting to know each other without being bogged down by sexual overtones and excessive cynicism is slowly restoring my faith in that tribe called men. There are a few good men still left out there and so begins my journey back into intimacy and love.

How desperately we wish to maintain our trust in those we love! In the face of everything, we try to find reasons to trust. Because losing faith is worse than falling out of love
Borrowed from Housewife to Heretic by Sonia Johnson

Photo credit: rolve

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Each life is a personal journey no matter how public it may all seem at times! I'm still figuring it out and here I share my journey ...and what I'm discovering along the way.

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