It’s horrifying how families are under attack… daily!! Its now out there for all to partake of… The headlines scream of yet another brutal battering…and this time, neither the high and mighty nor the lowly are spared. The base actions of anger expressed are well evident; high level delegate batters wife, man kills family then strangles himself, man takes poison after domestic quarrel.
Yes, admittedly, some of these men simply have undealt with issues that are no excuse for meting punishment on a lady who just didn’t see where he was coming from. But, at the risk of being stoned by women who believe it’s not our problem, allow me to paint the scenario of what Men are truly dealing with, before we cast any stones…
Some of these masculine beings we so want to behave themselves at our behest, may not even have seen what a good man behaves like; let alone “thinks like”. So we marry him and bring him into our feminine world…emotional connection, gossip sessions non-stop,shopping sprees that are endless in terms of time consumption… and his mental and social makeup aren’t even wired close to anything we understand (as the oestrogen-bearing component of the human race)!!! Hes a thinker…we feel. So he studies life his ours and those around his and comes to one simple conclusion…life is stressful and no one understands.
Secondly, he faces all this pressure from all corners of life – from his workplace, then comes home to find an angry she-male…hands akimbo, addressing the present pressing issue right from the doorstep as he comes home; meanwhile, there’s also probably the ‘clande’ eyeing his wallet (for whats still to hit its warm leather interior) and its not even mid month yet. So he trudges home to no warm hugs, or acknowledgments or sweetsmelling aroma of food cooking on the kitchen stove to welcome this hungry and distressed warrior home. No consideration for the fact that the day started horrendously, his boss was a jerk, not to mention the debts hanging over his head (the settling of which was a migraine scenario pushed to the back-burner). With all this overwhelming stress, how is he supposed to still be that caring, conscientious, romantic man we have concocted (and are now deeply disapointed in) because he doesnt measure up to the man we believed would rescue us from a mundane existence?
Pressures building up…day by day. He wont verbalise much of any this to his peers, wont go for counselling (God forbid!!),after all he feels hes in touch with his emotions..he won’t outrightly come out and start talking about it, of course…so, he’ll probably just sit, think and muddle through what he considers a reasonable enough solution and if we (and the rest of society don’t get his point of view), it gets expressed through Frustration! The BLOW-UP happens and we are shell-shocked! Why? Why is it we feel he should have handled all this better? Would we have, had we been put in the same melting pot;with the same decisions he battled with? if we fell flat, would we have craved redemption, acceptance, understanding, help perhaps?
Women can very well sit and talk/cry though distress,pain,panic and calmly go back to everyday life. Men, on the other hand, may get scarred over an ego-shattering event from his perspective) – death, company downsizing, marital disharmony, debt-ridden lifestyle etc. and still remain in his ‘cave’ (stuck …trying to find his way out for years on end)…and no one would ever know that was his state of mind. Until one day, he makes a move that seems unthinkable and we are left trying to piece together what could have led to such mindless
Statistics show that Men in their 40’s-50’s (mid life) are 80% more likely to commit suicide than any other age group!!! Most of them grew up in homes where dad/male figures were either absent or non-existent so its the woman who welcomed him into this world…its her prowess hes seen handle life…its her filter system he’s heard and received from about major issues in life.. so where on Gods good earth would he know how to start acting LIKE A MAN???!!! What was that anyway? his pals smoked, slept around, beat women and slugged off…why was he expected to pick himself up when slovenliness and mediocrity were his bubble?
And I find myself asking the question: is it poor family relations? lack of social skills? parental upbringing thats been either too permissive or too lenient?
Is there no man to show him the way it can still be; to coach and guide him through life’s conflicting and confusing maze? walk with him through teenage hormonal “zings” to the successful end of a balanced relationship, that will be a legacy for generations to come? Surely, who will take us under their wings and teach us a thing or two about decorum, social ethics, simple courtesy…the modeling of what mature, competent and reasonable adults are supposed to be like?
Women, where can we help? Can we lower our high sense of morality just a teeny-weeny bit to accommodate this so oft misunderstood man, and give him a chance? Can we choose to see him through the lens of someone waiting to be given credit,just as much as we would want? Could we maybe see he doesn’t know where to start being “our hero” and help him along that path to becoming that very person? He may never tell you his struggles…but he may just come and nuzzle at the breasts of one who reminds him of what’s been familiar all his life…a female, who’s seen him through the best and worst of it all and still can show him the ropes…to “Becoming”!
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Christine is passionate about working with high achieving women who are not where they want to be. She teaches them how to communicate with Confidence and Clarity towards Personal Fulfillment, Living Passionately and impacting their world. An Events Consultant at Sauti Events & Audio Consultancy (https://www.sautieventsandaudio.kbo.co.ke), and Motivational Speaker with FINE WOMEN Motivational Forum, she is an avid reader and enjoys making friends, travelling, the theatrical arts and cookery. "Entertainia" is her middle name...