A Beautiful Mess

The hardest thing for an incurable romantic to do is to manage expectations. Man, the number of times my achy-breaky heart has been smashed to smithereens by the eventual outcome of certain situations are too many to count. See, a romantic [such as me] creates fanciful castles in the sky built from the ground up by twisted statements and perceived meanings. Basically, sisi hujidang’anya [we lie to ourselves] convince ourselves that what we think, and how we interpret things is the truth. Then, when things don’t happen as we had expected it totally shocks us!

HOW DARE HE NOT FALL INTO LINE? [also that is the second title of this post, hehe]

I recently met a guy. He’s very sweet, cute as a button, funny and in the country for a bit of a spell. We hit it off from the word go, laughing, talking about exciting ideas and realizing that we shared the same outlook on some really touchy topics. How awesome [and rare] is that?! What really made me happy, and to be honest more especially, is the way we met. It was a cold and lonely night, the stars were twinkling and the air was fresh and breezy…ahem… My colleague and I had been convinced at the last minute to attend some blahblah event and I knew there was no way I’d leave that place mapema if I went alone.

So I check in and my start to fu-reak out because I really hate mingling and socializing. My workmate on the other hand was like white on rice, he’d probably given out 20 cards before I had even plucked up the courage to chat up one person.


Luckily I caught sight of a friend I knew and proceeded to spend an hour by her side! I was so happy! But then I caught sight of my boss, yes my workmate is also my boss, and knew he’d skin me ALIVE if he knew I was just chilling out instead of ‘promoting the company and our products’. So I took a deep breath and walked over to a group of guys. One guy’s face looked familiar and I remembered that he’d been at our office recently so at least I had an opening line and reason to park my nervous self at the edge of the group.

So I do a general hallo and start chatting up the guy plus throwing a general comment to the rest, a couple of blahblah moments later I suddenly realize that all the people had drifted away except this one guy. He says something ridiculously funny and we end up exchanging numbers. A few minutes later we’re trading stories about people in the party and other topics and I’m like ‘HOLD IT, HOLD IT!’ [like Fred Flinstone]… What exactly is this?

Another thing I’ve neglected to mention is that he’s a white guy. Is this important in the general scheme of things? Perhaps. See, I really, really, really love my African brothers but I have huge crushes on white guys like McSteamy (who wouldn’t?). Thing is, I have never meet McSteamy types let alone strike up a conversation with my Caucasian brothers. We just never cross paths! So here I am talking and flirting, a little, with this gorgeous man and dayum I’m really surprised! Kumbe si wabaya?

Well fast-forward to several weeks, a ‘million’ texts [his words not mine] and lovely hanging out sessions together later and the bombshell drops…he’s in a relationship with so-and-so. [damn you Facebook] In his defense, we’d never talked about our statuses, neither was he forward nor touchy-feely BUT that did not stop a sister from letting her imagination run wild!


Thankfully I haven’t done anything stupid…yet…hehe but I do intend to learn more about him and his missus [for curiosity’s sake, tell me you aren’t interested as well hmmm?] And I will do my very best to reign in my silly self and stop with the assumptions! The problem with romantics, as stated earlier, is that we read soooo much into things that we forget that we cannot think for people. And also, as one poet put it ‘you cannot make homes out of people’, I cannot make him become this person that lives in my head. Him not mentioning his relationship could be a privacy issue not a ‘look at me I’m single’ vibe. And I should realize that sweet, cute as a button, funny guys [regardless of the time they are in the country for] may JUST want to be friends! *shock* *horror*


The girl who really needs to build a house on a rock

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Some things are best left unsaid, while others are best said by others...allow me to say them all.