Being an apple

I was born in the early 70’s (I know quite shocking!). The privileged first born child I was fed like a prize calf. Happy, healthy and chubby I was the apple of my parent’s eye.

Fast forward to present time – still an apple. The apple shape is top heavy … you know the generous boobs, equally generous midriff, slender hips and legs and pseudo waistline. I wistfully look at my pear friends – their voluptuous curves, their waistlines and wonder if I should get a butt job. Shift the belly fat to my butt. You know use what’s so readily available! To be an apple in Africa is not easy. The guys love the curves.

At 27 I contracted TB. Six months into the typical signs and symptoms I continued to refuse to seek any medical advice and simply believed I was working too hard and, of course, pressed on. I even found one major advantage… quick weight loss. Yipee! I began to look forward to skimpy tops and baring my midriff.

Well things don’t always work out the way we plan. By now skin and bones I eventually developed a terrible cough and collapsed in a pool of blood. Quarantined I fought to simply breathe and spent the next 6 months in bed on drugs and being fed full fat cream to put the weight back on.

I admit that nearly dying did put things into perspective. At the end of the ordeal I was very much alive, apple fully restored. And for a while I just loved myself completely ….

But the poor self image crept back. You see I have always hated this apple shape. I want to wear belts. I want to fill my jeans not just the tops! My bottom half is nearly 2 sizes smaller than my top end. And while the boys love the boobs I just want hips. I feel completely unbalanced.

Ladies I am of small frame and not overweight in anyway. I have a great life, kids, career, and lifestyle and avoid my full length mirror. And while I have consistently degraded myself my beautiful tummy has consistently remained the same. She has been there for me; has literally never left me no matter what I do.

What’s it going to take for me to return the love?

PS: If you follow this blog you’ll know that I’ve committed 2011 to internet chatting, meeting, kissing and dating as many frogs as I possibly can in my search for the Prince who will hopefully stick to his vows and do the happily ever after with me.

Euphoria is a wonderful thing …so what’s been happening since I made my declaration? A lot of sightings, conversations, detailed grilling by girlfriends or simply: nothing!

Will keep you posted.

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Each life is a personal journey no matter how public it may all seem at times! I'm still figuring it out and here I share my journey ...and what I'm discovering along the way.

  • Mwesh

    Umma tell you something….love yourself the way you are…when you learn to appreciate yourself, and stick to the good things overshadow the “mistakes” you feel about your body.As your are saying you have dedicated this year to find the one.If you unable to see the good in yourself,do you think if he gives you a compliment you will take it so well or you will end up thinking he is flirting with you to get into your pants?Think about it….if you feel good in your mind,it will translate outwards and the faults you think you have will automatically disappear,good luck

  • cazz

    Mwesh thank you for the feedback. This apple is taking it one day at a time, as always. … oh and starting to work out again.

  • Africangel

    Love yourself from the inside out and not from the outside in. Is not easy But remember even those pear shapes have their insecurities and weaknesses. Be happy with what you cannot change, but most of all remember what is inside is the real you, not the meat you carry around.I know of some wonderfully shaped girls who only get one night stands just because they believe that the pear is all they need. Just write ten things you like about yourself and paste them on your mirror so you will see them everytime you look in the mirror.

  • bakhita

    We all have such tough relationships with our bodies. Take heart, tuko wengi one day you are on top of the world, next day the world is on top of you or you suspect that it is hiding in your belly ;) I’d encourage you to remember the good days when the bad ones come around, put on that fave outfit and flood your mind with the happy memories you had in that killer outfit :D

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