I received a very long message on Facebook last week from this one girl. She was telling me what a waste of a man I was. First she said I was hooked to TV, watching football. She got that one wrong I also watch a whole lot of other programmes. What I don’t watch is what hooks her up on TV. The teary Mexican telle novellas, you learn nothing from them. The only benefit from them is different ways of crying and wailing. It’s not even entertainment.
She said I was afraid of her because I had failed to ask her out. It got me laughing out loud. It is not a must. Though it is a gentleman’s virtue to do it, not every girl is worth the pain. It depends on where she measures on the scale of ten. If she is below six, a try is not even necessary. Besides, these are hard economic times. Each and every penny must be saved so that the pounds take care of themselves. You don’t have to go and pump money to somebody’s belly at java. The current manager might follow his predecessor to kamiti and I don’t want to be blamed.
Taking these necessary measures does not mean that I am stingy. No. Avoiding risks is just nature and a positive human characteristic. There is only one fear which I admit. Dating is very much like going to a restaurant with your friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has you wish you had ordered that instead. Queer business isn’t it? That’s the only thing I am afraid of.
She added that I was not romantic enough. Now, that’s something hard to define. She drew a list of it. I had to get her sticky notes with romantic stuff like ‘honey you are sweet’ and stick them in the weirdest of places like a lecture room door, behind her desk etc. I had to get her some flowers and chocolate, that’s normal I can do it anytime. The sticky note bit I cannot do because if that is what being romantic is, then am not. According to her, I didn’t know how to care for a lady.
Other than those romantic candle lit dinners which I thought she wasn’t worth of them anyway, I had to walk around town holding her hand. That is P.D.A [public display of affection]. It is not really African to do that. The only people who are allowed to do it are teen love amateurs and newlyweds. I was just too busy for that and I could not do it no matter how hard she pressurized me. I had to create time for her in my busy schedule each and every day. That is like being a prisoner to her. Squeezing myself to fit in to her plans is just unrealistic. Other than dating her, mine was a whole lot different life from hers. I have to do what any normal man got to do, have my occasional weekends alone and later go to watch a football game with the boys. Sitting curled up in a couch the whole day whispering sweet nothings and watching a movie was just not my thing. That is what she suggested I be doing on weekends and it is just not manly.
That gave her the guts to call me an old fashioned man. If modern men get all that foolishly lovey dovey it was a pleasure to remain old fashioned.
She added guys such as me like to talk big about themselves. Giving yourself praise for visible and non visible achievements is not a bad thing. After all we have grown up listening to our dads talk big about themselves every time. I guess am just a chip off the old block. It’s not abnormal. She concluded by saying I was commitment phobic. Who is not? Every man has the fear of the word C. Being tied up by somebody that you even lack breathing space is just too bad. You have to keep yourself open lest something happens. You never know when the craving will strike. You must be ready to jump ship anytime.
I would like to say men are creatures which you cannot tame. The best thing to do is just keep mum about their behavior. This will save ladies a few headaches and heartaches down the line but sometimes stick on his neck, you never know. He might have already jumped ship.
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