“You don’t have to be anti-man to be pro-woman” ~ Jane Galvin Lewis
My sisters and I grew up knowing without a shadow of doubt that the world really was our oyster and we could achieve anything that we put our minds to. In spite of our strong Kenyan heritage our parents where incredibly liberal – they talked to us about sex, AIDS and HIV, drugs and even welcomed our boyfriends. We got through our teens unscathed, intact and very expressive.
At 21 I gifted my virginity to my first proper proper boyfriend. Oh the thrill of young love; so urgent, so low maintenance and in my case so doomed. It turned out that this love of my life was dating my best friends plus more. Internet didn’t even exist then but wow, what a social networker! I called it quits and he, believe it or not, told me that not only was I overreacting but it was just as well we were breaking up because his friends considered me a difficult woman. I asked what they meant by difficult and was informed that I was an “Oprah watching, Cosmo reading feminist who did not know my place” a.k.a difficult woman.
I got married youngish and those difficult ‘rough edges’ just melted away. I took that back seat that so many of us do and dived into love and marriage with all my heart. Husband first, kids a close second and me … I got lost somewhere along the way. Just before my marriage crumbled my ex asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I didn’t know and said as much. I was overweight and lost in a blizzard of linen. Somewhere along of the way I lost my groove, my umph.
It would be easy to blame something or someone else but really it was me. I bought into the notion that if I fought for what I wanted, asked for my efforts to be acknowledged, if I had expectations and demanded results then I would lose my marriage. Instead I kept quiet and lost it anyway. The ex hooked up with a chic who loved drama. The epic movie type where glasses fly and insults are hurled. He didn’t know if he was coming or going. He loved it. Now I’m not advocating violence and drama but wow, what a turn around.
I’ve since made peace with myself and found my loud voice. Like Stella my groove is sooooo back. I am here. I have arrived. Call me what you want but I am all about women and what they want. I’m not anti – man. I love them passionately and always will. But now I want my oysters. This is my time and I will ask for and say exactly what I want.
And I do expect results.
PS: Next installment on the Potentials coming up soon.
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Each life is a personal journey no matter how public it may all seem at times! I'm still figuring it out and here I share my journey ...and what I'm discovering along the way.