The heart is not so smart

I’m not fond of older men. I find them cunning. Some age well and are great to look at but that is where I draw the line. No touchy-touchy! I think a five-year gap isn’t too bad but anything more than that and you are venturing into dangerous territory. I believe men and women go through various stages/ mental ‘states’; a time to read, a time to smoke weed and a time to breed. Hehe. From childhood to adolescence and finally adulthood, men and women have different motivations and needs that drive their actions.

The sort of old man-young woman relationship I’m talking about here isn’t the sugar daddy scenario where both parties know exactly what motivates the other, rather my observations on the two in a ‘proper’ relationship. It’s a belief I’ve had for a long time and only recently did I realize how right I was to be wary of them.

Have you ever found out some information about two people you know and literally felt your heart sink/ sick to your stomach/other saying mentioning a body part and unhappiness? Lets call them Njoro and Caro. Njoro is related to me and Caro is a family friend. Njoro is close to 40 years old and Caro is not yet 25.

They met a few years ago at a family outing where stories and saliva were swapped.

They met a few years ago at a family outing where stories and saliva were swapped. We all knew Njoro as a good time guy, he’s the first guy to throw a rao or line up 20 shots of sambuca for whoever wanted a swig. Caro was the pretty girl, sweet, reserved and sorry to say a little ‘blonde’ friend of the family. So when we saw them together we all clutched our hearts [haha sayings featuring body parts will surely pepper this post] and prayed that Njoro would not take poor Caro for a ride…in ever sense of the word. Because it was obvious that Caro was at an impressionable age and we knew that Njoro was recovering from a gut-wrenching break up and wasn’t looking to settle down.

Predictably, Caro feel for Njoro, fast and HARD while Njoro basked in the glow of adoration but steered clear of making any sort of commitments to the girl. Njoro is handsome even I can see that and the reports shared through the rumour mill aka ‘catching up’ with my cousins and friends revealed that he was often seen in the company of different women all over town. We’d been trying to stage an intervention for Caro but she seemed to duck us or nod her head and blankly stare into the distance whenever we tried to raise the topic. From the last time she and I bumped into each other and I openly told her that I’d seen Njoro with a girl the previous weekend, she completely separated herself from us.

She knew we all disapproved. As people privy to Njoro’s true intentions, we knew he was not the type of man she ought to be with. A few months ago we learnt that Njoro had done away with the many girls in his life and settled on two, Caro and another. And his plan was to marry the girl who would get pregnant first!

I was disgusted. Was this how older men operated? Manipulating a girl just to suit his needs? She rebuffed all attempts to have a sit down and hear us out and we all hoped that fate would intervene and save her poor soul. It was not to be as she is now pregnant. The ‘winner’ in a competition I bet she had no idea she’d been participating in. Are we blinded by love or do we consciously make a choice to put ourselves in a situation hoping to change its set course? Is this just one of those sad stories we give to our friends to warn them? Or are we mistaken and they will find love and happiness in the end?

All I know is this, very soon Caro will become a mother and a wife and I honestly think all Njoro will become is a father.

Signed,
The girl who still doesn’t like older men.

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Some things are best left unsaid, while others are best said by others...allow me to say them all.

  • Africangel

    Nope you got it wrong, Caro will become a mother and Njoro will be the sperm donor i.e. sure he will marry her from the looks of things but he will never be a proper husband or father of any repute. He will hang around the house for some time, savour the novelty of it and then keep going his merry way. Most probably back to the little sweetheart who had the sense NOT to get pregnant in the first place. And you can bet your sweet patootie, she is sitting in the wings just waiting for him to swing back her way. Are you sure he “dropped” the other women? maybe they dropped him first. Women need to learn to listen to one another. When someone who has nothing to lose tells you a storo about your jamaa, please listen and don’t just go around thinking “oh, she is just jealous”. Look for the signs and you can be sure you will see them.

    PS:Not all older men are like Njoro. Most of them will categorically tell you they have no intention of getting married. And when that happens;like most women; we get into “salvation mode” aka “I can change this man” mode. Newsflash my sisters… he will only change if and when he wants to.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/bakhita/ bakhita

    Sperm donor sio! I totally agree with you. It is horrible to watch this drama unfold as these are people I’m pretty close to. As they say we are all waiting for ‘the other shoe to drop’ and for her to realize that all we wanted was to see her happy and valued for who she was. Kwanza hata mimi I worry about that other girl who ‘lost’ I think she really is waiting in the wings…But honestly I don’t believe Caro* is that naive ama we women just can’t resist a challenge? Ole wake lakini!

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