Ask Lily: Dating a married man

Ask Lily is a column on The Lily Review where users can post questions or dilemmas they may be going through and other members of the community can respond with possible solutions. Click here to send in your question. Share you solutions or thoughts in the comments.

Hi Lily,

I have tried dating guys but all I have ended up being is hurt, cheated on or dumped. I hooked up with a guy who I later found out that he was married but we have been together for four years. I know its wrong but he has been so good to me that i can not find a way to break up with him,i tried to separate myself from him by dating another guy recently, but he is still calls me every day. I recently found out that the guy i hooked up with has a wife and a child too and he has also been flirting around with other women. I confronted him but he claims its not true. I have also been to his house unannounced but I haven’t found any evidence to incriminate him. Am not sure about him, I have doubts but what I want is to get a good man who loves me. What do I do?


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  • Africangel

    This guy you are saying is so good to you is causing the same pain that you felt to some other woman… so what is it that makes him special? The only difference is that “the other woman” (wife) in the relationship cannot up and leave as easily as you can. If he can cheat on his wife he can cheat on you too. Its time we stood up for one another and remembered that someone innocent somewhere is getting hurt by our actions. As for man no.2 listen to your heart… if you feel that something is not right, I can asssure you, you are probably right. Just be patient and I can assure you will meet the right man. Married men are dangerous and remember the same way you do not want to get hurt, don’t hurt someone else…. what goes around comes around; no matter how long it takes.

  • mumash

    Maureen pole i know theres no way at face value to tell if a man is married or not ..personally i dont approve of it (esp when you do find out) matters of the heart are very complicated if you are looking for values i.e. honesty,integrity etc then you need to move on and get somebody who has that….good luck am not judging you …you dont sound lika a gold digger…

  • distantspectator

    Hi Maureen,
    Sorry about your traumatised dating experience with men, it is just awful; having said that can i ask whether you have become a victim of your dating ordeal? After being hurt,cheated and dumped please don’t do the same to another woman/someone’s wife?

    The universe is balanced,and as surely as you’ve met bad men so far your time will meet a good man as well;know that they are also looking for someone like you who wants someone like them

    May I suggest for now maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship?As Africangel says just be patient,there is nothing you are missing and you can have the good things these men are giving you without such things coming through them-love is bigger than that,and is best when you are both honest with one another

    I’m sure that after some time of being on your own you will no doubt share with us the good news that you have meet someone better than even your wildest dreams

  • Naomie

    Hi Maureen
    May i simply say “what God has put together let no man put asunder” you are simply treading on thin ice. Whats going to be your justification to you being with a married man? Honey, you are much better than all the crap that men have fed you. We have all had our share of crappy men but don’t use that as an excuse. Run run run!

  • Mwesh


    I agree with Naomie….a married man is a no go zone.Put yourself in the wife’s shoes and walk in them that your man is out there with another woman.Its not a great feeling to hurt someone.Flip the script sweety and then decide which way is best for you.The experiences with men are always a learning lesson and we should learn from them.Remember that his wife will always be No 1 whichever way you want to look at it.You can never replace her and all he will give you is what your heart desires but how real will it be.Up and leave before you make someone miserable. Don’t believe all you hear about guy No 2,you will begin to stalk him trying to find out if he has a wife to your shock that he isn’t.Eventually you may lose the greatest chance at love that you have been seeking.Patience is the virtue….hang in there.Wish you well tho

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