Aloha my dear readers. Allow me to apologize for my brief absence from this lovely blog. Did you miss me? I sure did miss sharing my life’s drama with strangers. Why I choose to put my private life into the public domain I still don’t know. Sometimes I think it’s my subconscious innate desire for screaming from the roof top, “F*@k My Love Life!!!” Well, I can’t do that. Not only would it rub off badly with my neighbors, but the after taste of making a fool of myself in public doesn’t sound alluring at all. I have shouted from the top of a roof before though. I was half drunk. Maybe three quarters drunk. It was the girls’ hostel in campus. Up to date, I still don’t know how I got on to that roof. They had to get a ladder to help me down.
My friends tell me that I took off my shirt (why do really drunk people like taking their shirts off?), and shouted for one Mary to come out and listen to what I had to say. No one had a clue who this Mary was.
Five minutes later, with no Mary in sight, I decided to speak out my mind all the same. According to my poor excuse of a friend a.k.a Tim, I announced how madly in Love I was with her, and how I had had many romantic fantasies of us doing all manner of sexual stunts in the most unconventional of places.
The crypt of the campus chapel, on a branch of that baobab tree at the field, in the T.V room (somehow without any passersby noticing it), the Vice chancellors office. Actually in the Vice Chancellor’s office, it was a threesome with that Sociology lecturer who made really sexist jokes. Tim was laughing half the time while reporting this so his version wasn’t very coherent.
I got quite an audience for my little 3 am speech. Luckily, it was a Saturday morning so half the campus had gone home or wherever they normally went to for the weekend. This however did not stop the news of my inexplicable display from spreading across campus like wildfire. It’s a wonder I didn’t apply for a transfer or deferment.
Here is the strange part though. I have no idea who Mary was.
Back to today’s topic. As you might well know, Daisy and I broke up a few months back; 3 months 14 days and 3 Hours to be precise. Actually, Daisy broke up with me. Top on her list of reasons was my incessant immaturity and inability to look deeper into her and see who she truly is. She also cited our unmatched life goals as another major reason. She claimed that in the last 2 months of our relationship, she had been either sad, heart broken or just darn angry 90% of the time. To her this was a sign that this river had run its course. The fact that in those same two months we had had amazing animal-like make-up sex counted for nothing. I couldn’t understand why.
I may not have said this enough times, but I loved that girl. I haven’t loved any female like that before. I could have gone on to my knees and begged her not to leave but I knew Daisy. This was it. So like a true gentleman, I told her that I disagreed with her. I told her that we were about to close one year and this was a just a Test. If she couldn’t last through it, then yeah, maybe she wasn’t the girl I thought she was. I left the house to give her time to pack and get her selfish ass out of my house. I used those two hours to shop around for an air freshener that would totally wipe out any Daisy related scent from my house. I also called Kui, my house help and proclaimed a major house cleaning day that coming Saturday.
That was it. 10 months of pure heaven, gone in 5 minutes. It took me 3 months to recover. Christmas 2010 was no doubt the worst in the history of Lawrencedom.
I’M SINGLE AGAIN. I hate being single!! Having someone to call at 2 am in the morning to share some weird midnight craving for chocolate cake, without running the risk of being called many regrettable names, is something of a necessity for me. I strongly believe that every human needs a soul mate. Be it that girl at the next desk in kindergarten who keeps tickling you, or the really beautiful teacher in class five for whom you have a crazy crush, and who always finds a reason to come over to your desk and help you out with math (in memory of Ms. Bella, God rest her soul) , or that high school sweet heart with whom you exchange highly vocabularised letters on a weekly basis, or the more familiar ground with Vicky from HR, with whom you do everything the company rules say you shouldn’t do within the premises, a soul mate completes you.
Many surveys unanimously conclude that people who are in relationships are generally happier that people who aren’t. If you don’t believe the numbers, then maybe my experience will change your mind. Whenever I’m single, I am generally uneasy, less focused in my work, easily infuriated, I curse more, I sleep for lesser hours, I rarely go out to have fun, and worst of all, I lose a KG or two. Whenever I’m in a relationship, it’s the complete opposite. True story.
I believe in relationships so much, that before I met Daisy, I always had at least three girls on the hook at a time. Don’t judge please. It was a defense mechanism. If it didn’t work out with girl number 1, I’d have girl number 2 as a buffer while searching for a replacement to girl number 1. If that didn’t work out before I found a replacement, I’d have girl number 3 to keep me going while I tried to replace the first two.
Thankfully, I never had a situation when I’d break up with girl number 3. This last girl was always that girl who truly didn’t consider herself to be my type so was bound to take my worst shit and feel honored for it. It was pathetic, but it was better than being single.
When I met Daisy, I was in a girl number 3 situation. I had just broken up with a girl named Sophie.
Reason, she wanted to become girl number 1. You know; make the relationship public, move in with me, get introduced to close friends etc. All those were sacred grounds which she really wasn’t cut out for. I mean, that girl could talk! I have nothing against talkative ladies; in fact I encourage the habit to a certain extent, but please, if you are going to open your mouth, say something intelligent! I’m not much of a scholar, but I can handle the average discussion on politics, religion, science, technology etc. Not Sophie. Sophie could conjure up a whole discussion based on her high heels. No no no, not how the shoe was designed by some Italian genius when on a cruise to God knows where, I mean a whole monologue on how it doesn’t fit, and how she would rather her feet were a tad bit smaller so she would fit into them, and how that bitch best friend of hers keeps saying she doesn’t look like wearing those heels…If it wasn’t for those two gigantic mountains on her chest, I swear I wouldn’t have lasted 10 minutes with that girl.
Anyway, as I was saying, I’m single again. After a whole ten months in a relationship, you would expect me to have learnt a lesson or two, and in addition be able to share the wisdom gained. I didn’t.
Daisy came, was, and left. It feels like waking up from a wonderful dream, and cursing the heavens for stopping it so soon. You simply go to the bathroom, wash your face and hope for a better day ahead. Sadly, once Daisy came into my life, I didn’t bother to fill the no.2 and no.3 spots. She was IT. So when I say I’m Single, I mean really SINGLE. A recent scan through the girls in my phone book did not reveal any notable prospects so you could almost call this starting from a blank slate.
Off to find me a Girl. I promise to keep you fully updated since truly I appreciate all the insights you share with me in the comments section.
All the best in 2011!
You might also like:
Lawrence is the guy next door; A young, aspirational Kenyan gentleman; But most of all, a romantic soul in search of true love.