How can I tell her…or do i just shut up?

Michelle and I have been friends for ages and her wedding last year was a blast. We are always at her house for dinner with my husband and one of our friends, who has been searching all round for love but I guess cupid has other plans for her.

I had been suspecting something until one day it hit me like cold water on my face that ‘our’ friend had been lying to us all along that she was single and still waiting for Mr. Right, while all along she had been with a Mr, who was always in the room with us. All the dinners, lunches and outings. I have always had a sixth  sense and this particular day I really had to watch closely because it had been more than two lunches that the two had been stealing glances and texting (I also have eyes on the side too-okay not eavesdropping on the text messages though), so I decided to put my A game on.

When we arrived at Michelle’s we all hugged and the kids went out to play, the adults stayed in the house and being close to Michelle I went to help her with setting the table. So ‘our’ friend and our husbands went to the dining room to chat. My husband has never been a talker, so he decided to go to the garden to check on the kids.

Now the part that I had been waiting for had arrived. I had to really get proof that my suspicions were really true. Slow mumbling was going on and then as I was about to push open the kitchen door open I heard “I have missed you, and you have not been returning my calls”, ‘our’ friend mumbled. For a moment I felt faint. The conversation went on, “Sandra I told you this must stop, I love my wife and your threats are not doing any of us any good. By the way I think Tatiana suspects something. She keeps darting her eyes back and forth. I don’t want problems,” said Michelle’s husband in a very low tone.

Immediately, I pushed open the door and they were both startled. Sandra looked mortified. I decided I would not talk. I set the table and left for the kitchen to finish up with Michelle. She kept rambling on how her husband loved her and how lately he had been more loving than usual. She even spilled out that they had recently gone to look for a house to buy and the coming week her car would be in her garage.

In my mind I had to figure out if this was a way for her husband to cover up for what he had been doing, or was he reforming for a better husband or was it a blinding point for Michelle and a go-ahead-with-Sandra for the husband. I was torn on what to do. Lunch was awkward that Saturday and they both kept looking my way hoping I would not say something in between the meal and in front of the children. The table was cleared, dishes done and then we all went home. In the car my husband asked me what I was thinking since I was miles away. I decided that if I told him the truth, he would go to Michelle’s husband to confront him, and that was not my intention. I decided that I would watch, but the bottom line was, would I tell Michelle the truth and jeopardize more that ten years of friendship, or would I save a marriage that was worth more than a million bucks, or would I not involve myself in that business?

Next Friday is dinner and a sleep over for the kids and I, I really wonder what will happen, I shall keep you posted.

Editor’s Note:
Part 1 of the series – How can I tell her…or do i just shut up?
Part 2 of the series – Talk about wrong timing
Part 3 of the series – Duped And Deceived
Part 4 of the series – Big Shock!

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  • mary

    i think you should confront the cheating husband…really sounds like he is not cheating but being threatened….not quiet sure.but talk to him first and find out the story.let him be the one to tell the wife and not you.if he does not.then take the step to do so.i think letting him tell the wife may save the marriage other than you telling her coz she may take it the wrong way.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Mary,what if he is cheating and he is just a smart ass?talking to him is not an option at the moment,defenses are up considering Tatiana seems to have a clue….and he won’t tell the wife I mean there is more than meets the eye….as I said dinner is Friday….a whole week has gone by I guess a lot has been happening…..

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/nkinyanjui/ Naomie

    Wololo is all i can say! These situations are so tricky! Bottom line though, the husband should tell the wife because she deserves to know and she deserves to save her marriage if she wants to. The husband could decide to have another fling thinking he can get away with it so she should know he is a cheater. heeeh please keep us updated

  • Miamor

    If the shoe was on the other foot, what would you like your friend to do? IMO, if you’ve been friends for this long then your loyalty lies with your friend and not with her husband, ur hubby or their marriage and certainly not with the other woman. I think you *should* tell your friend; something along the lines of “I have something I need to tell you. I’m only telling you this because I think you would tell me too and because I love u too much not to…” Don’t be melodramatic and don’t hint at what you think she should do and definitely stick to the facts that only you know. If the hubby is your friend, then I would also let him know, a la “…you know Michelle n I have been friends for so long and I love you both so much. I will be telling her/I have told her blah blah blah. This is not to pass judgment on you because I don’t know everything…this is about doing for my friend what I think she would do for me…” If you think you’ll lose your resolve if you talk to him first, then talk to her first then him (preferrably on the same day so one doesn’t feel blindsided). Finally, because you don’t know everything, please be fair in your dealings with them both and then respect their decision and stay away from their personal business to give them space to deal. This is not your situation to fix or play detective with. Good luck!

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/bailey/ bailey

    I would confront the husband and threaten to tell the wife if he doesn’t tell her first. I think women tend to attack each other and as much as you think if you were in your friend’s shoes you would want her to tell you directly, you would probably end up alienating her as she will do to you.
    Go through the cheating husband and threaten him. You could even threaten the clande. I think it’s paramount to protect your friend’s dignity by letting her hear it from the horse’s mouth (her husband) rather than third-parties (in this case, you). It will also help keep your friendship intact.
    I’ve never been in this situation so what I’m saying is just out of putting-myself-in-her-shoes but whatever you do I wish you all the best.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Naomie, a query for you….if your husband confronted you with something like that,first reaction would be to hit the roof and wish he never actually told you right?But anyway check what will happen next

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Miamor…..you read my mind on the matter,however what happened that Friday makes me come to the conclusion that I should just stay away from their business at all costs….you let me know soon when you read about what happened.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Bailey,threatening does not help,sometimes people play games with the threat and think that you are not going to fulfill the end of your deal….however much more transpired in this situation and I have come to the conclusion that I shall either stay away from the issue, confront the husband or just tell them both the situation at hand….read on it gets juicier but more scary am out of words

  • Naomie

    @ Ruth, if confronted by my husband with that info, yes i would hit the roof i would be beyond extremely pissed off, but i would rather he tells me than i hear it from someone else. Surely he should at least have the balls to tell me…

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Naomie,totally agreeing with you on that….it really even looks so bad hearing it from someone else…..anyway lets wait and see if he got the balls for it then

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