Are you serious?

“Wealthy sugar mummy wanted for romance and company, serious and starved women only”

This is an ad I found recently in a personals section of a local daily. Don’t bother asking what I was doing and do forgive me for the rant that is about to follow but naturally it made quite an impression. I’ve tackled the dating a younger man question in a previous post and here I am again. No doubt I will have much to contribute on the subject so watch this space.

You see for me, and I’m sure for many wonderful women my age, this nagging question will simply not disappear. I consider myself quite the liberal but find (alas) that I am in fact a closet conservative. I make all the right noises but will not push away from the shore and just do it.

I have been very fortunate to meet and absolutely enjoy the company of the younger man. For the purposes of this post we shall define the younger man as any guy over 5 years younger than me. Many of them are, surprisingly, very mature, articulate, attentive, liquid and great to look at. I am guilty, yes guilty, of kicking back and watching the young bloods as they bounce by in that cocky assured way that only guys of a certain age can get away. I love eye candy. There I said it. I love, love eye candy.

Now I know there are many reasons why the young blood would want to hook up with the older women. The cougar – cub dynamic has been explored at length in the more recent years and she has become quite celebrated. Quite frankly I don’t blame the cub for trying but please dear cubs do not think for one minute it’s because we are starved or desperate. Why did this ad strike a cord? Because it’s downright offensive and so very skewed to the male definition of what an older woman is and wants.

For the record intimacy, and sex by the same token, is a natural and beautiful thing that many of us single older women enjoy but (and this is a big but) we do not indulge in just for the heck of it. You may think that we’re so busy working, raising our children, living our lives that we would be overwhelmed enough to just lower our standards and jump in the sack. Are you guys serious? The same rules apply – approach us, stimulate us intellectually and otherwise, make a case for yourself and then, only then, will you stand a chance. Do you seriously believe that you’ll have a better shot because we are older and therefore starved?

Kenya is strange place where the average male truly believes that women in general are a desperate lot and I really don’t understand where they got this impression. Now the older generation has infected the younger with the same outdated theory. And it’s just that – a theory. I have made many a mistake in my dating and married life but desperation has never been one of them so (cazz breathe, breathe) for the record – if we’re looking for a male hooker the usual rules of engagement apply – cash money for services rendered. For the rest of you who want to approach us get your act together and dazzle us. We may just take notice. Remember our lives are full and wonderful.

The only time we’re starved is when we’re on a diet.

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Each life is a personal journey no matter how public it may all seem at times! I'm still figuring it out and here I share my journey ...and what I'm discovering along the way.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    LOL Cazz, love this post! I dated a younger one and at least one of them did sometimes try to turn me into the stereotypical cougar/cub/sugar mummy situation, which for me it totally wasn’t! It didn’t last long, and I can’t say that I’m totally sorry. I thought I was getting a man; I ended up with a boy. When I want a boy I’ll birth one, thank you very much!

    Great post!

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