Jane & Steve – The Beginning

I’ll jump right in and ask a question: when is enough, enough? At what point do you throw in the towel? At what point do you lay down your optimism and hard work and simply concede defeat? Check this (hypothetical) situation out:

Boy meets girl or in this case, boy’s clumsiness brings him smack dab into the eye view of girl. Long story short, boy asks for girl’s number and a fun adventure begins. Except that boy wasn’t exactly looking for a girl and neither was girl looking for a boy. For purposes of this hypothetical situation, let’s call girl Jane and boy Steve.

So, Steve realizes that as much as he likes Jane, he’s not ready for a relationship. Apparently, he’s spent the last one year prior to Jane’s arrival hating women, courtesy of one who did him wrong. Then there’s Jane, who also wasn’t exactly looking for a relationship but her thing is, ‘he’s here so check him out and see if he’s worth the effort’. Roughly two months into this “thing” and things are at a standstill. A casual observer might say that they both feel they’re giving more than they initially intended or were willing to give, yet neither feels particularly satisfied. The same observer might say that Jane’s efforts toward Steve seem to be appreciated by Steve and they do seem to make a positive impact.

However, Jane feels that Steve’s efforts aren’t exactly meeting her needs. An example would be time: Jane wants face time with Steve. She needs to feel that she matters enough to Steve that he would make an effort towards her by asking for her time especially since she has proven time and time again that she is not after his money (and there isn’t much of it. He doesn’t have a job so much as he has a kibarua).

Steve on the other hand seems to feel like he’s happy with Jane’s input and he’s already putting in a lot of time to spend with her. On the phone! To be clear, Jane consistently states she wants face-time while Steve doggedly offers phone time. Typical male brain at work or a clear message that Jane should heed? Let me also state for the record that every single meeting they’ve had has been due to Jane being in Steve’s neighborhood for one reason or the other. Two months into this “adventure” and Steve has yet to make any effort of his own to see Jane.

Further complicating this tale of like-gone-wrong is Jane’s instinct, that 6th sense that all women are supposed to have. When she checks in with hers, it tells her that perhaps she should hang in there since when they do talk they’re happy, and this could be a valuable learning opportunity for her. In other words, she’s not convinced she should walk away (although truth be told, she’s slowly getting there).

I’m the observer so now you’re the observer. What do you think? Should Jane stay or leave? My own personal question is: why would a guy who’s so clearly happy with a catch like Jane not actually make the effort to see her? Another personal one: why don’t men listen? If she wants face time (which you seem to enjoy and ps: that’s not code for sex), then why not give it to her? I’m eager to hear what you have to say so share your thoughts in the comments section. I look forward to them. Cheers!

Ed Note: Read the second part of the story here.

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When Mia isn't ranting or raving, she keeps a blog in an attempt to live her life to the fullest. Her exploits can be found on "The Yes Trail" at www.miasaysyes.wordpress.com

  • mary

    i think,Steve is really not that into Jane…coz if he was he would be calling the shots about meeting her,Jane needs to just chill out a bit and let Steve do all the work and if he does nothing,i think its Jane’s time to move on to the next guy coz Steve is not serious….

  • Ms.Drama

    his just not that into her….
    he likes her yes…but his not looking for a r/ship.
    Jane needs to realize that they are not even reading from the same book let alone the same page.
    unfortunately, her also leaving will make Steve develop sudden interest but alas it may be too late

  • distantspectator

    without being too glib let me say anything is possible and things between jane and steve can not only survive but thrive and flourish into a beautiful happily ever after story….

    the harder question to ask is “are they the best person for each another or can they do better”?

    unfortunately (or fortunately as the case might be) to me this is where the future of any relationship between between men and women ultimately ends up….

    i.e. do they unanimously agree they are both right for one another?

  • http://joblistkenya.com Brian

    I think I agree with mary. Am yet to see any guy that really loves a woman that would not be all over her. in as much as we hide emotions sometimes, we show it most times

  • Minnor

    The guy is playing around with her, he is not into her. This guy only need phone company and thats it, he does not appreciate her. Maybe she is not his type of woman but its unfair for him to act like he is interested when he is not. He should let her go.

  • Mumash

    It would be interesting to hear a mans point of view coz thats how they behave.its very hard for a man to reject a woman they will ride along it’s upto the woman (jane) to smell the coffee and decide. my personal opinion she should walk with her head high up now …

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    I ask this question is there anything like fear of commitment in men?In women we jump right in the pool whether we know how to swim or not and learn the hoops as we go on.Steve may(or may not) have the fear of commitment but there is nothing as making a woman wait and for nothing forthcoming.The effort Jane is making is not even worth Steve’s time.However as women we do hang around waiting hopefully(on most occasions) for the positive until reality gives us the opposite.Jane needs to just see beyond the phone calls…..

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    Minnor, at first I thought you were abit harsh but I actually am wondering now if you’re right especially the part about him just needing phone company. If he’s truly not into her then he needs to let her go. I tend to think that he knows she’s a catch and he even admits that she’s nothing like any woman he’s ever met. I wonder if he’s just afraid to let her go lest some other guy snatch her up so he doesn’t want her but doesn’t want anyone else to have her. Hmmm…food for thought.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    OK Brian I’m really glad to see a guy’s opinion on this. I always thought that when a man wants you he’ll come after you but then it doesn’t always work like that and I suppose Jane was trying to be grounded and sober minded. It’s two months later though I suppose it’s not looking good for Jane? Tell us Brian: as a guy, is there a situation where you can like a girl but you’re just not ‘there’ yet so you keep her because you really like her, hoping to get ‘there’ soon enough to woo her? Just curious. You jua us women can be a bit too understanding so we need men to tell us as it is so we don’t waste time :) Help us Brian!

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    Ms. Drama I’m a great fan of that book and I’m so quick to say that statement so why did it sting when I read your comment? I guess I’ve been drinking the same cool-aid Jane has been drinking, haha. The sober-minded me tends to think that you’re right but I guess time will tell. I mean, esp the part about not reading from the same book or page? Right on the money! Thanks:)

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    Mary, you advice sounds like my advice to Jane in the beginning: chill out and see what he does. You know what he did? He kept calling her every.single.night. I mean the day would not end without a conversation. At first, Jane took this as a sign of things to come but alas the calls stayed as calls and not the face-time she needed. Needless to say, she’s back at square1. Let’s see what happens next.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    Wow distantspectator, you sound so optimistic! I have to say that I really liked Steve (when I thought he was a solid guy) so of course I wanted things to work out for them. However, THEY have to BOTH be willing to WORK things out. The thing is, Steve doesn’t seem to really like the idea of working towards anything other than what works for him. It’s for that reason that I’m doubting their ability to stick it out but time will tell all so let’s wait and see, huh?

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    Haha Mumash, see my reply to one of the other comments: I too would be very interested to hear from guys about this. Let’s hope some guys see this and join in. As for walking, I agree: if she’s going to do it, now would be the time. It’d be much worse if HE walked first coz then it would compound the feeling of having been taken on a wild goose chase. Let’s wait n see…

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    Hi Quill, that’s an interesting observation. I do think women tend to figure it out as they go along (see Jane’s attitude in the post) while guys seem to want things ‘just so’ before they’ll even get out of the gate. I’d be interested to hear from guys reading this. I do think effort should match effort and so far, it appears Jane gets ‘A’ for effort while Steve get ‘D’, if that! He needs to shape up or ship out so she can find someone worth the trouble. She’s smart but matters of the heart can be complicated. Let’s wait n see

  • mary

    then if Jane is interested with steve,she should ask him and find out the answer,if he is interested or not….then she will know whether its just phone calls or more…..otherwise,let her not pick up calls from steve or talk to him until the time he will want to jmeet face to face….if never move on…

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/miamor/ Mia

    Mary, check out Jane’s story in her own words.

  • jay

    Been there and I walked fast as soon as reality hit me that `he is not that into me’. I actualy run was feeling like I should be patient with him in that I give him time and maybe he will be into me. What made me decide to run is that a lady can wait for so long so long as there is some effort coming her way. If anything in reference to this happens the Lilly Blog will be the first to know au sio!!!.

  • Africangel

    Ladies; your heart is rarely wrong… just listen to your heart… it really will tell you when “He is not that into you”. That why God gave us a seventh sense which men do not have. Sometimes he may do all the right but your heart is going : uh uh No NO NO!!! And sometimes he does all the wrong things and your heart says “hang in there just a little longer”. But don’t push it too far… and don’t force what you really don’t feel… If he ain’t into you….. well he just ain’t into you

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