In 2006 I really got into watching the TV show “Cheaters” on Reality TV. Over popcorn and wine I’d follow the presenter with his cheesy comments, cackle over the surveillance and gleefully support the cheated when they confronted the cheater – partner, lover, husband, wife, what did it matter? They were busted and being humiliated. Yeah. Justice!
People these days talk about infidelity with such nonchalance. Like many others before me I was fairly confident about what I would do if I ever found out my man was cheating on me. My back up plan, if my devoted amazing husband ever cheated (and he wasn’t going to but just in case…), was to ensure I got the best lawyer possible who would absolutely get me off on any possible technicalities should I be extreme in my response.
Well the day that wasn’t supposed to come but it did. Not once but twice. And when the dust finally settled at the battlefront these are the top 10 things I’d learnt.
- No matter how you find out be completely irrational and do nothing – be still and let the info seep in. No screaming, shouting, throwing, kicking, spitting, scratching… you get my drift. Expecting some sort of typical response your grace in the face of fire will create confusion. Great.
- Sleep on it, even if you toss and turn. Any decision you make in the first 48 hours is bound to be dramatic, deadly and just plain bad.
- Never confront your cheaters love interest in public. Wrestling and boxing belongs in the ring. Keep it there.
- Do not send text messages … it’s too stalker like plus you may end up being locked up. In fact don’t put anything dark and twisted in writing. It will be used against you.
- Let the love of your family and friends surround and envelop you – pride has no place when you’re in this much pain
- It really isn’t about the other woman. She is strangely collateral damage. If a man wants out he will get out. Simple. Changing your look, getting sex tips, loosing weight, quitting your job…. these things will change nothing. If you are not doing it for yourself then don’t do it all.
- If you get out of the marriage you will be dumped. Married happy couples will want nothing to do with you unless they are truly brave. But all is not lost – the singles will swarm around and you will reconnect with old friends and make a lot of new ones.
- Your huge bed will be all yours. You can toss, turn, take the whole duvet, and hog the pillows … no consequences. Blissful silence. And yes sometimes it will feel oppressive. Weep not. It will get easier.
Awesome tip: Get lots of pillows for the truly bleak moments. Properly positioned they can take the edge off and feel like a person. I’ve talked the stuffing out of mine.
- Give yourself time before you venture into the dating world. Mercy sex and booty calls are not your style. Take your time. Breathe.
- You will be okay. You will cry, celebrate, scream, mope but ultimately you will be okay and soar again.
“Let your enemies be disarmed by the gentleness of your manner, but at the same time let them feel, the steadiness of your resentment.”
Lord Chesterfield – British Statesman, Diplomat and With, 1694 – 1773
….. And all the ladies said Amen.
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Each life is a personal journey no matter how public it may all seem at times! I'm still figuring it out and here I share my journey ...and what I'm discovering along the way.