Office Goss Demystified

The other day I happened to walk passed the kitchenette in our office building, this being where all the tea girls normally congregate to give and get the best goss of the day, coupled with the update of previous goss a.k.a dishing the dirt. If there’s one thing women love to do is to chit chat and what they love even more is to chichat about other people, and then share this information along the grapevine. This time round however, I noticed a male voice amongst the usual commotion of a running tap and kettle boiling. By the voice, I knew immediately it was Maina the director’s dere. He seemed to be leading the group of noisy women. Frankly I was pretty curious to hear what all the vibe going on was about.

Apparently, it was hot off the grapevine that a very harsh male manager in accounting was having a rather steamy clandestine with one of the cleaning ladies.
Whaaaat? whaaar!!” was all I could muster up in my mind, “maad drama, can’t wait to tell Celia, she will not believe it”

I wanted to hear the hot storo now even more! I looked up and down the corridor to be sure there was no one watching me wondering what I was doing parked outside the kitchen. Best strategy came to my mind. I leaned on the wall holding my papers and held my cellphone to ear and hanging tight in anticipation of the full 4-1-1. So, according to Maina the chic has been assigned to clean this manager’s office but lately she has been spending a lot more time in there nowadays so clearly she must be doing a lot more than just cleaning the floors and dusting the furniture. “Wawawaawa!” Then the other day he gave her a lift from the office to town and when you see her out of her uniform ata you can’t think she’s an office cleaner. “Are you serious?” said one of the ladies.

I hear footsteps coming from behind so I begin to speak into my phone “Yes… so please could you ensure its sent by noon?….. we urgently require the response…yes… for budgetary purposes…mmh…” Simon my colleague passes me and I look up to give him a small smile as I nod my head pretending to look busy but composed. Phew that was close, I think to myself as I try to keenly hear what is being said. This is however interrupted by Monica who walks out with a tray full of cutlery and a thermos in hand.

Time to get back to my desk I guess.

The real truth about office gossip is this:

  1. It doesn’t help you knowing what’s going on in other people’s lives especially if it’s damaging information.
  2. You’re wasting your time instead of progressing your career plus its taking up space in your brain. It is also wasting your company’s time.
  3. Sweet as it may be, it’s most time hurtful to the people involved in the goss. Even when the goss is true, is it necessary to repeat it?
  4. “Managing Director of Goss Department” isn’t a title to hold up in pride.
  5. Next time you are tempted, count to 5 and pray before you begin that sentence along the grapevine, and then remember how you would feel if it was your story that was going around the office.

Even when you know something personal about other people you should keep it confidentially to yourself. This will build your trust with your office colleagues. Real trust is hard to find in this day and age.

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  • bailey

    Nice one and nice move with the cellphone.

  • Naomie

    Haahaha thanks :-) a lil’ creativity needed every now and then

  • James Ouma

    This is good! This is the way to go. Look forward to reading more!!!

  • Naomie

    @james, thank you for your kind words!

  • Africangel

    This is the winner.. having been a victim of all kinds of goss I know how it feels to be talked about behind your back and try to hold your head up high after hearing what the rest were saying and having no way of refuting the gossip. The damage was terrible and it took me many many nights of tears and undeserved self recrimination (I kept thinking I must have done something to make people spread so many untruths) to eventually put it behind me. Reminds me of a Sunday School song, “Oh be careful ears what you hear… Oh be careful little mouth what you say”

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