This Woman’s Worth?

These last few days, I found out what my apparent worth is.

First, it was my male cousin – who has been drunk every single time we’ve met this year, btw. Anyway, he found it in his charge to give me advice for my life; something about purchasing land and blah blah blah. He wasn’t done yet though: he leaned closer to me, stinky breath and all, and half whispered that he was “ahead of me” because he had two children and I had none.

Oooouuuucccchhhhh!!!! Did that hurt you just a bit? I was momentarily stunned and yet not too surprised. Maybe my beloved cousin (insert sarcasm) was simply allowing me to peek into his mind and perhaps the minds of others like him? Who knows? The thing that really bugged me was that this wasn’t the first time he had said something along those lines. The last time he hinted at it, I was newly in the country and still under the cloud of “he’s family…he probably didn’t mean it like that….he’s family SO he couldn’t possibly mean it like that….”  Whatever! I guess now I know better.

Moving on….

I was talking to a friend who is decades older than I am (AND a gynaecologist) earlier today and recounted my conversation with my cousin. Imagine my utter shock when he sided with my cousin! He advised that I as a woman “should” be worried about children at my age. He further told me that the best years for a woman to have a child are between 25 and 35. Incase you were wondering, adoption doesn’t count (sorry to all you adoptive parents and adoptees). First, I’m well within that range and second, what an idiotic attitude to have?!?!

I found all this infuriating and stupid! Consider the following: my cousin is a drunk but he is “ahead of me” simply based on the fact that he had sex twice and delivered millions of sperm targeting just one egg. Let me be the first to say that anyone can make that shot so it’s hardly an accomplishment in and of itself.

I don’t walk around thinking I’m better than other people because I see myself as a securely attached adult (psychology speak) but for purposes of this rant, may I just say that I am the most educated person (male or female) in my whole extended family, I speak my mother tongue better than many of those who’ve never left the country and in general I’m a solid, grounded person (says my very cool grandma :) ).

So, pray tell, is my worth as a woman reduced to my willingness and/or ability to birth a child? If that isn’t the dumbest thing ever, then I don’t know what is. I’m interested to hear what you have to say though so please do tell me in the comments section.

Photo credit: satty4u

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When Mia isn't ranting or raving, she keeps a blog in an attempt to live her life to the fullest. Her exploits can be found on "The Yes Trail" at

  • chao

    as i read ur article,its a coincidence as i was thinking of the womans worth in society.a womans worth is nt about procreation tho society depicts it that way.a womans worth is what she wants 2 do and be hapy at doing it nt following what society dictates.

  • |d®|

    I concur – that’s ridiculous. It’s not like man’s [well, woman’s] sole purpose is to procreate, is it?

  • chao

    its nt. jst that we livin in a chauvinistic culture.

  • Africangel

    A woman’s worth is not in how many kids she can have, its in the kind of person she is. I am married with 2 kids but I still look up to quite a number of unmarrieds wih no kids whatsoever. Sure its nice to have a hubby (who loves you) and kids (who you love but still who drive you up the wall), but that is not who you are at all. Its just who you are on the inside. Only an idiot would think having kids OR getting married makes a woman. Marriage and kids is not for everyone; so if you are single and happy, stay that way. After all even Paul advices the same in the Bible. So if it ain’t tickin’ for you, then it probably ain’t gonna work for you either… JUST BE HAPPY.

  • Mia

    Africangel, you totally made my day! Thanks also for reminding me about Paul and his words: as I often tell my friends and family, ni vizuri kujijua. I AM happy and when/if I feel ready for kids then I’ll do my part to make it happen but could all parties (nosey) step away from my va-jayjay, “oven” and all other related spaces, sheesh! LOL….it felt good to get that off my chest :) Keep coming back!

  • Mia

    Chao, I feel you. Ultimately, we all live with the choices we make so I’m making choices I can live with. Drunk cousin et al can deal with it (or better yet, deal with their own lives and their own choices). It’s great to “see” you; you’re welcome any time.

  • Mia

    I sooo agree with you. Parenting is not for everyone. I mean, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. You need to be a parent when/if you KNOW that you will do your best to give that child the very best that you have. Paul wasn’t a father and I doubt God would say he lived a lesser life because of this. “Do the best you can with what you have” is my motto. Keep coming back :)

  • Mia

    Chao this is so true! A child is supposed to feel like a blessing and if it doesn’t then maybe it’s not for you. See my previous comment on Paul and the so-called value/worth of his life. We are one body different functions so let’s stop imposing our ideas on other people. No one made us God, thank God for that!

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