My Smelly Princess [Part 3]

Daisy is one insightful girl. It’s one of her most endearing qualities, and often times, her main source of headaches. How I forgot this little fact I still don’t know. Friday evenings would typically be either movie nights, game nights or a combination of both. It had always been an unfair arrangement since we would both retire at the wee hours of the morning yet I had to report to work on Saturdays, while she didn’t. I really didn’t mind it though.

For a whole week, I had been trying to figure out the best way to tell my girlfriend, who was mad at me half the time, that another girl, who happened to be a million times prettier than her, had come to my house, used our(my) shower, dressed up in her clothes, including that red top that she had asked about at least thrice so far, and now wanted me to meet up with her the next week to catch up, you know, like old friends. There was no easy way in sight, but I was determined to find it.

Come Friday, and there were, cuddled on the Sofa watching a movie whose title escapes my memory. “Sweetie, I need to ask you something” she announced in the middle of some romantic scene. She never entertained interruptions while a movie was on, a habit that happens to be a major weakness of mine.

“Yeah, of course babe” My nerves warned me that this wasn’t good.

“Are you cheating on me?” I almost choked on the peanut in my mouth.


“I asked, are you cheating on me?” she repeated calmly, making no effort to pull away. That peanut was now painfully finding its way down my esophagus.

“Uhm, I’m sorry but where is that coming from?” The romantic scene gave way to some boring dialogue, which I wasn’t listening to or watching anymore.

“It’s simple really. For almost a week, we haven’t had a fight, you have been unusually polite, you have been cleaning your dishes, and you just spent 45 minutes without interrupting the movie.”

I hated how calm she would become when we were about to start a fight. It always got me worked up even more. Today was different though. I had no strong case to support my stubbornness. Plus she was still in my arms, staring at the Television as if she had just made a passing comment.

I made an attempt at mock laughter.

“Have you thought that maybe I’m just trying to become a better boyfriend?” Even I wasn’t convinced by that. I threw in a peck on her neck to support my feeble defense.

“Yes I have. That’s not it, and you know it. So let me ask again…”

“I got it the first time Daisy. The answer is an offended No. I’m not cheating on you”

“Ok. So what is it then?” She hit pause on the remote, and disengaged herself from the confines of my arms. Now she was eyeing me straight on, awaiting her answer.

“Frankly, I don’t like the tone of your voice. And the fact that you would baselessly accuse me…” My pride was at work.

“Damn it Lawrence! I know you too well. You are hiding something from me”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think Sweetie. Maybe you are in one of your moods again and you just need someone to vent it out on. Maybe you are the one cheating on me and are now pulling some reverse psychology stunt!!”

“Excuse Me!!?” I could see that last statement hurt her. I cursed myself a little bit for it. Daisy would never cheat on me. But I wasn’t giving in to her condescension.

“I mean, we are peacefully watching T.V, and all of a sudden…”

“So you won’t tell me what it is?” She had switched to the firm tone. This fight was about to get ugly.

“Who the hell do you think you are Daisy? Pointing accusing fingers and issuing ultimatums…” As always, I stood up waving my arms in the air in mock frustration. She never stood up.

“Lawrence if I think something is wrong…”

“If you think something is wrong, find a more respectful way to raise it!!!!”

“And what did I do that was so disrespectful? I simply asked you a question…don’t be such a child Lawrence!”

That was it. She had crossed my path.

“Oh, so what are you now, my Mum?? ”

Fifteen minutes later, we were still at it. I was still standing, she was still sitting. The fight had spread its wings to cover topics I wouldn’t have thought of before. A battle of wits is what it had come down to. Until I announced my exit.

“F*** you Daisy?? F*** you and your self righteousness!!I’m out of here!”

“No!! Don’t bother, it’s your house sweetheart, I’ll go!” This was new, but I didn’t realize it at the heat of
the moment.

“Good! Finally we know who owns this house!”

She disappeared into the bedroom, came out ten seconds later with her hand bag and one of her fifty something pairs of shoes and slammed the door behind her.

That weekend passed without a single phone call between us. Come Sunday evening, and Tim calls me up.

“Dude, are you cheating on Daisy?” Apparently Daisy had called him to ask if he knew what was up with me, but I had kept him in the dark about Crystal as well, so he wasn’t of much help to her.

“Oh, so now the whole world has branded me a cheating moron?” I always retreat to sarcasm when I feel cornered.

“No, not the whole world dude. Just Daisy. And you need to fix this before it’s too late” Tim was somehow always right about stuff. He and Daisy had always made such a good team that I often wondered what she was doing with me. I decided to spill out the Crystal saga to him.

“Ha ha ha!! This is so hilarious man!” Tim can be such a punk sometimes.

“It’s not a laughing matter bro. Daisy would kill me if she found out about this.”

“Did you seriously give out her clothes? You are such an fala! Then you pick a fight with her??…”

“She started it! And you are not helping Tim!”

“Ok, here’s the deal bro. Call Daisy and apologize for being an idiot, and then tell her everything, except may be that part about giving out her clothes. Oh, then delete Crystal’s number and no meeting with her next week!”

“That sounds great, except for one thing Tim”

“A ha…”

“Do you remember Marie?”

There was a long pause before Tim finally whispered a stifled “Oh Yes!”

I don’t even know where to start about Marie. Tim often said that if he was about to die and he was granted one last wish, his wish would be to have one last glance at Marie. About a year back, on a boys’ weekend out in Mombasa, we stumbled upon sweet Marie as she strolled alone on the beach. Simply put, she revived my childhood beliefs about the existence of mermaids. Tim had never gotten over her but that’s a story for another day.

There was another long nostalgic hiatus before Tim finally said, “You better have a good reason for mentioning her name man!” I had touched a really soft spot.

“Crystal is like three Maries put together after a very refreshing swim.”

“Oh boy! And you never told me about her? Our friendship is hanging on thin ice bro. Tread carefully.”

“Chill man, I was confused and had tried to forget about Crystal until that night last week. And here is another problem.”


“I just happen to be her knight in shining armor. It’s a straight pass bro!!”

“That’s the dream dude.”

“I know Tim. Well? Say something intelligent!”

“Ok, this is the point where you need to ask the million dollar question”

“How deep is my Love for Daisy?”


The last time Tim and I had this exchange was during the Marie fiasco. He came out alive and salvaged his relationship with Christine. It was now my turn.

“In two months time you’ll celebrate your one year anniversary with Daisy bro. You are so close. It pains me to say it, but you need to call Crystal and tell her you can’t meet her next week, or ever.”

“Damn you Tim! Alright, I’ll do it.”

I called Crystal. She took the news so well that I almost asked to meet her maybe one last time. Through
some miracle, I didn’t. Then I called Daisy, who calmly absorbed the tale like the angel she was.

After a heart wrenching ten-minute story telling on my part, and silence on her part, she finally said, “Wow. She must have been really pretty.”

“Well…” This was a trap. Tim had warned me about this many times. But this was Daisy. There was no
pretense with her.

“If you saw her, I swear sweetie you would strongly consider becoming a bi-sexual” I was getting carried

“Would she be open to a threesome?”

“W-w-wha-what?????” All the saliva in my mouth instantly evaporated.

“Kidding! I’ll see you tomorrow. Get some sleep pumpkin!” Click. She was gone. Daisy was a heartless witch that I was so madly in Love with.

Daisy and I broke up before we could get to celebrate our one year anniversary. It had nothing to do with Crystal though. Trust me when I say this. In my adult life, I don’t think anything has left me as distraught as that breakup did. She was beautiful, intelligent, strong willed and sly as a fox.

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Lawrence is the guy next door; A young, aspirational Kenyan gentleman; But most of all, a romantic soul in search of true love.