How to lose a guy in 10 days

I love to read articles about understanding men, mostly from the home page on MSN. Every time I discover some delicious new fact about our Martians, I try it out on my better half. His response is always something like, ‘The trouble with women is that they take all their man-talk from other women.’

I always want to yell,  ‘Men don’t talk about their feelings, so we have to discover them through other women … or gay friends!’ And somehow I don’t think man advice from a gay pal counts for much, because their thought process is painfully close to mine.

Unless of course he’s a guy-gay, in which case he probably knows nothing about women.

When the movie first came out in 2003, I swore I wouldn’t watch it. My swearing didn’t have any particular motive. It wasn’t about being macho and resisting chick flicks, even though I had just watched that traumatising movie with Renée Zellwegger. I don’t remember what it’s called, but it had a lot of pink, and one scene had a simulated split screen lap dance dry humping thing … which some people found funny, but I found incredibly sad.

The real reason I avoided 10 days is because from what I could see in the preview, I was definitely a 10 days kind of girl, and nobody needs that kind of affirmation.

The thing is, some girls do strange things. We get clingy and possessive in ways that the average man finds unattractive. We get jealous and start cat fights with no justification. Now, I know guys can fight over a woman and call it noble. Many wars have started this way. But when the fight is between two cats, well, that’s just stupid.

I bumped into the 10 days movie on UTV over the weekend, and I actually liked it. It was sweet. I liked that the girl made the first move, but the guy was convinced it was his idea. She left tickets in his house, yet he was sure he had convinced her to ask him to a ballgame. That was cool. I also like that in the end, the guy comes after the girl, not the other way around.

Best of all though, was that he fell for her despite her acting insane. Of course by the time he came after her, he knew the insanity was fake, which counts for something. Chances are he liked the sexy, sporty girl he watched ball with on their second date – before all the craziness began.

The way I see it, some girls can’t help being crazy. I’m speaking for myself here. I’m just wired that way. I’m clingy and jealous and sometimes insecure, and it’s enough to make a guy hang himself. I’d like to think my man loves the craziness in me, but I think he mostly puts up with it because of other … skills … that I may or may not possess.

Truth is though, that guys don’t know what they love in a woman. They aren’t like us who can analyse every affection and say we love his humour, or his height, or that look he gets in his eyes when you … cook. Guys love you because they love you, period. And once they say those words, assuming they’re not players who say it 20 times a day, then they’re pretty much sold.

A straight male friend told me that people are afraid to get what they want. You love man or woman, you get together with them, then instead of being happy and enjoying the experience, you start to think you’ll lose them and freak out. In his words, you start doing stuff like losing weight or gaining weight or learning a sport to make him love you more, or to make sure his love will never stop. According to him, at some point you just have to accept that this person loves you, period. Stop fighting and just live.

It’s a lot easier to say than it is to do. In my case, I have a man that loves me despite all my insanity, and I try to accept that. It just makes life easier.

Of course, it also helps to avoid doing crazy 10-day things like photo-shopping baby pictures or calling up his mother. Unless she calls you first.

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Crystal Ading' is a professional author, editor, rock lover and mother. Her work is available through