It has often been said that women are helpless, that we can’t even fix our own light bulbs. That would ordinarily be insulting but wait till I put it into perspective. It might not be such a bad thing after all.
The average guy finds it very easy to pick a fight over anything even someone stepping on their shoes, and mind you so am I especially if I am not sober. The distinction can be found in the fact that if it is between a guy and a girl, that it was a guy that stepped on the girl and she went ahead to bitch about it before the fight ensued, then the guy will most likely walk away from this weird scenario and never remember it in his life.
I on the other hand will remember the day I bitched at a fully grown man and called him all manner of names and he just walked away. Isn’t that nice? For all intents and purposes I won that, and I will probably do the same thing every time that happens from then on, woe unto you men.
See what I mean about being helpless yet? If you haven’t, pay attention, here it comes. The guy walked away because in his big or maybe small brain (if the fact that women have larger brains than men is anything to go by) he thought that you probably didn’t know what you were saying when you said that you would beat him to a pulp. I mean really even I know for a fact that you cannot beat up a fully grown human person into a pulp, you would need a machine that crushes bones into powder to actually do that, but I digress. What I am on about is that the guy walked away simply because in his mind you can’t even put up a fist right let alone know how hard you need to thrust to throw in a proper punch.
All in all, the fact that we are helpless saves us from a million beat downs by the time that we die.
I am writing about this because of something that happen a couple of weeks ago. You remember that Woolworths cum Nakumatt 25% sale? Well some really dumb guy in a yellow overcoat was masquerading as security at the door when they had to monitor the coming and going of shoppers because they didn’t want a stampede. This guy, some little short thing that is well shorter than me had a big mouth. I was going into the supermarket for one reason, to help someone carry stuff she had bought. I hadn’t even carried a dime, just my phone! And it was one of those days when I was in a work skirt that obviously had no pockets. But this bugger knew he was the genius in this situation. To make how stupid he was go an even extra mile, the chick I was going in to help even came to the door with the myriads of paper bags that she needed help with. As in the shopping was done we just needed to go in and get out through the designated exit for the day coz they had to double check receipts and goods, but this dufus would hear non of it. So I did the only natural thing a helpless chick like me could do, I opened my mouth and told the bugger off the way i know how to do.
“unaringia nani na wewe ata si wa G4S? unadhnai hatuji uniform ya G4S? nini hizi umevaa pengine ata wewe ni mtu mwenye anatoanga vitu kwa store na leo umepandishwa cheo.” Then I broke into English just to be sure that he went to school and so this insulting would go further. “And you don’t even know what to do with the little power you have been given just to stand at the door”
I probably looked stupid during all of this, but I can tell you two things that make it all worth it for sure. Number one is the most important: that really did make me happy. It made it all the more easy for me to cope with the fact that I had been denied entry into the supermarket. Plus I had a huge following considering that there were several of us trying to do the exact same thing so it ended with a little of what in English they call ululating but what us Kenyans like to refer to as the ‘wapi nduru’ equation. Number two, we got the attention of a supervisor and we were soon thereafter let into the supermarket.
I won that fight no doubt and I will probably remember it for as long as I will live but the dufus probably doesn’t even have enough storage capacity to do the same thing even if he wanted to remember the day a small kid like me mad him look like a super fool.
I love being helpless!!! I can rob a bank maybe and get away with it, I think am going to try that one and tell you about it next week.
Have a lovely week my people.
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Wacu Mureithi is a part time law student, full-time mother and all-time dreamer. Her work can be found on seriouslypoetic.blogspot.com.