Commitment or not

She sat at the far end of the corner feeling so down and wondering how come Jake had become so distant with her. They had gone out and I mean she had done everything by the book but still it was not working out. Her calculations in her head were so many that she decided it was better to let it go.

fuchsias holding handsHowever what we don’t realize is that just because a man has refused to commit to us (women in general) is that he is not interested or assume that he is afraid of commitment. Of course understanding the male species is not an expertise or a craft to be learned; somehow we say use your gut feeling and sometimes it may just work. Yeah they give mixed signals but the truth of the matter is that each man has a relationship timeline thus the term we use that so many men are so unavailable,  that’s a whole load of crap.

This may look selfish in some way but my assumption is that not all men want a serious relationship until he sorts out his “issues” and tries to re-align his life and know whether he is in for a serious committed relationship or not. I know you are wondering whether as a woman you should wait for him to collect himself together, and some are wondering “is it all about him”, or “do I have to wait around for him to get his act together so that he may have a serious relationship with me?” Absolutely not.

As women we want to have a committed relationship and that’s our nature but I believe that men have their own tempo in the time that they want to have a commitment with a woman. Just because you have gone out for over six months this in a man’s world does not mean that he is ready to have a committed relationship with you. That’s one thing that women do not understand. On most occasions we (women) find ourselves being the instigators of wanting the relationship to go to the next level, pushing for something that we deem fit sometimes for our own selfish reasons but in so doing the man falls into withdrawal symptoms that ends up in “issues” and drama that is constant.

As the man falls in this symptom he finds himself wondering whether this was what he really bargained for and it ends up being a hard task or a hardship opportunity and all he wants to do is bolt and up and leave. This makes us feel so unloved but in the real essence we really are the cause of the problem in the first place.

But to really avoid this if you have spent some time with a man and you are growing closer and closer by the day, then let things be as they are, don’t try to shape your relationship into something that you want it to be, it really ends up in a very ugly, gruesome way that you never wished for. Commitment for a man is not done in mere words or a conversation, it just happens and at the long run it’s a feeling he gets for himself that is rather satisfactory and then it really happens.

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  • http://lily.co.ke/members/titania/ Karimi

    There’s a lot that’s been written on relationships.But what about long distance relationships? Do you know of somebody in one?

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Karimi,Yes alot has been said about relationships and to my honest opinion I dont believe in long distance relationships.I mean i want my partner here not that I have to think of him across the seas.And with dire honesty this leads to (especially women) wanting to meet someone in the existing country and to have someone to love them instead of driving themselves crazy thinking what their man is doing back at home.It is so depressing.And yes I know one in a long distant relationship and apparently its so over…..anyway thats my opinion?What do you have in mind?

  • Karimi

    Thanks Ruth.I’m looking for guests for a Talk show. Could you send someone my way?

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Karimi,the person I would have sent for you apparently is in the UK at the moment.She was in Kenya and her fiance was in England(just after proposing)ready to get married in a few months.Too bad they broke it off.Anyway what will the talk show be about?need a co-host?will be more than happy to assist you.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/titania/ Karimi

    Hey Ruth,
    I wouldn’t mind talking to her. I also need someone’s whose relationship didn’t work.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Karimi,how do they get in touch with you?Although since they are my friends I honestly do not think that they would like to share this on National Television.I will try and will get back to you on this.

  • Karimi
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