Ask Lily: Should i tell this guy’s wife I have his child

I had a baby 2 years ago with a man who had a steady girlfriend.When i first informed him that i was pregnant he promised to support us, this never happened. After i gave birth i confronted him, he again promised to help, this he did just for one month by sending such a small amount of money.He keeps promising to support his kid but never does it.He married his steady girlfriend just before i gave birth,the wife doesn’t know that this man has a kid with another woman, i feel like telling her the truth so that she knows she’s living with a very irresponsible man who has continually let his innocent flesh and blood suffer. should i tell this guy’s wife

Am feeling really confused about the whole situation. kindly advice

Pattie

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  • Jojo

    someone is spiteful

  • Lilian

    reverse the roles..wud u like to hear ua husband has a baby with another woman?

  • Edith

    its best if she leave the water under the bridge.the fact that she has a child with smeones husband doesnt give her the right to raise an alarm the guys responsiblitym or rather irresponsibilty especially to his wife,it will seem rude of her and also inconsiderate of the other womans feelings…embrace what you have and give your child yo best.

  • mary

    count your blessings and leave the man alone and take good care of your little one.In any case if you know he is irresponsible, you have nothing to gain or loose.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/mburu/ Mbũrũ Kamau

    Pattie,

    In Gikuyu we have a proverb which says “Everybody regrets not what he leaves but what he does not find (when he comes back)”(Gutiri wiriraga agithii, no agicoka).

    Definitely, you don’t want to look like a home wrecker, do you? Let the man, in his little wisdom, continue “enjoying” the fruit of his careless mistake. He does not need you to know you are having his child, let nature take care of his stupidity.

    Just leave him alone and bring about your child in the rightful manner. I’m sure he’ll one day come begging for forgiveness and saying it’s a mistake that he has seen. Then tell him to continue living in the mistake. You are not a recycled tissue paper.

    You also have a life to lead. Look for someone to love you and give him your heart, but cautiously, as some of us men, are born with the stupidity of planting seeds all over and running away ones the shoots start to show. Do not burry yourself in a past mistake, we all have one, and it only makes your life stagnate. Forget about the guy and bring your child up.

    Just imagine if he had asked you to abort?
    Think about it!

  • Stephanie

    Hell NO! its not ur place to tell the wife! wat if the tables were turned??

  • Africangel

    First examine your motives: why do you want to tell the wife? ; second ask yourself : who will get hurt? ; third ask yourself: you had a baby with a man you KNEW had a steady girlfriend- What was your motive in having the baby; and there are pills and condoms available everywhere. Were you planning to take the man away from his steady and become the steady yourself? Carry your cross, baby girl, he chose his current wife over you and your child. Its normal to feel bitter and angry and want to spoil it for him but remember that the wife has done you no wrong and she will be the one who will really get hurt if you show up with your baby now. If you did not speak before the wedding when the wife could have decided to leave when it was easier to call off the wedding, I suggest that you keep quiet. When your baby grows up he/she will get to know the father at their own time. I feel for you but then again I wonder at you as well. Move on.

  • rikki

    before you ruin someone else’s marriage, please ask yourself who is to blame for the situation you are in. you make yourself sound holy yet to me these problems are always the women’s fault.
    dont start hurling insults at me, just read on first then tell me whether i make sense.
    everyone knows that to have unprotected sex is very stupid. even my 12 year old baby sister. first mistake. everyone knows that most guys will tell you anything just to get you to bed. second mistake. everyone knows of P2s for birth control taken after unprotected sex. third mistake. everyone knows nevfer to expect a man who has a wife to leave the wife for the clande.
    i could go on and on, but it wouldnt change the fact that you are a home wrecker!!!!!

  • merigold

    From a wife’s point of view: Bottom line… there is a child out there that your husband has. It will not go away.. He is a cheat.. He is irresponsible.. He is careless.. The choice to leave or stay will be up to you.. Will you ever trust him again..Are you safe… How many others… Is he ready for counselling.. will you accept the illegitimate child.. will he have access to this child.. will you buy the mother out? allowing contact after the child attains eighteen… will you bury your head and will it away.. one thing is for sure.. you may not know now but you will one day.. today or later? the pain, anger, hurt, betrayal, confusion… is the same.. i say… let the parties deal.. for better or worse eh?

  • Lovine

    This guy should take up his responsibility; for a very long time men have been running away from their responsiblities and women taking all blame.. but time is Up if this man wanted nothing to do with the responsibility He should have used Condom (they are everywhere an for free even!!;) my advice three of you sort out the issue

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