The Rise of the E.N.B.s

The male species is classified into two; E.N.B.s (Evil Narcissistic Bastard) and F.M.I.s (Faithful Men of Integrity). The E.N.B. is a mutated part of the male species and exhibits the following characteristics:-

  • He’s extremely selfish and doesn’t care how much hurt he inflicts.
  • He greedily feeds on anything that barely resembles a member of the female species.
  • He’s physically, emotionally and financially abusive to the female species.
  • He’s irresponsible and can abandon his family at the drop of a pair of panties.
  • He thinks it’s his God-given right to continue his repugnant behaviour until he drops dead from sex-exhaustion.

NB: It’s important to note that not all members of the male species are E.N.B.s. However, the rotten species has afflicted the rest of the male species and may soon lead to the extinction of the F.M.I.s.

Origin of the E.N.B.s

apple forbidden fruitThe mutation of the male species began when Adam ate the forbidden fruit and after having sinned, he blamed Eve for everything. He swore to punish her for all eternity, forgetting that nobody forced the damn fruit down his damn throat. And so, the horror continued and throughout the ages, E.N.B.s began to spread the falsified and fabricated message that the male species had diminished and the female species had better put up or shut up. Concerned mothers reacted by teaching their daughters that they had to do whatever it took to please their men so as to prevent the human race from extinction. Their daughters began to:

  • Eat less and starve more because… no E.N.B. loves a fatty!
  • Read less so as not to intimidate E.N.B.s with their intelligence.
  • Repress their strong personality and become more like the E.N.B. (How will he ever love you if you don’t like football?)
  • Try sneaky little ways to maintain the E.N.B.s’ attention. (If you wanna hit the skins then you gotta show some skin but not too much skin as to offend your next of kin!)
  • Eliminate and annihilate the competition through any means necessary. (If she’s prettier than you, then you’ve got no choice but to… hate her or tell horrifying lies about her or even stab her!)
  • Stay with the E.N.B. and give him your heart and soul even when he beats you, humiliates you and cheats on you with your sister, her best friend, his secretary and that slutty young thing at the club. (Coz you need him to make you feel complete since… you know… God had alotta things to do that day!)

The ancient E.N.B. has now mutated into the 21st century E.N.B. who has the same characteristics mentioned above but now has the unwavering support of his species and the society at large. His reign of unmitigated terror is now threatening the extinction of F.M.I.s.

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