Ask Lily: Should I leave him

Ive been in a relationship with a really nice guy for almost 4 years. Though it has been an on/off thing coz of distance issues when it comes to his work and my schooling. I went through his phone sometime back and found texts he has received and sent to some chics declaring his undying love for them. When i confronted him, he apologised and  i forgave him. If i happen to go through his phone again, and get some text from some chic, it will be the 5th time. He tells me he loves me but in my mind, i always think he could be cheating. He has told me of his plans to marry me and for us to start living together. He still lives with his siblings and he is thirty years. He wants us to wait till i graduate from campus so that we can live together. Ill be clearing 2 years from now. Everytime i confront him about issues that affect us, he always asks me if im going to leave him. Should i?

Chrisy

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  • jess

    one thing,if a man finds a ms right, he dont waste anytime!yes alot of excuses could mean something, he is still observing things or looking…it does not however mean he dont love you.It is possible that he may also have a genuine reason for his delays and that he dont keep u in the dark but puts it straight to you, and you can also tell his genuity in it. It is good to give each other a benefit of doubt, and time but a thorough observation could also give you all the answers that you want,especially in an eye to eye talk.

    So,he may be genuine and that time is all he needs,which is also good for you to clear school and for you to see things as they are for yourself, so jus observe and u could be there b4 u know it.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/quill/ Mwesh

    Chrisy,

    First of all I think a thirty year old man living with his siblings is a comfort zone for him.I mean this is a man who should have grown up and moved out and is already leaving in his own house.My honest opinion is this is a man who is immature of some sort and does not know what his priorities are.Plus again considering that distance is an issue,he takes this time to play around with other women.Something done repetitively on the same circumstance more often than not your gut is always right.The fact that the four times you have seen this and forgave him,the has gotten used to the fact that you will always forgive him so he continues to do the same thing knowing that there is nothing more you can do,except get mad and forgive him.Look at it this way,this is a man who is grown(in the literal term),living at home and has no direction and you have to wait another 2 years to get married to a man who is confessing undying love to other women.Let alone that,what does he do that you don’t know?Think about it Chrisy and ask yourself if this is the man you want to spend the next 35 years of your life with.Or if for four years he has changed that much what more don’t you know?
    Good luck though Chrisy,I wish you all the best

  • kristi

    Out of sight out of mynd my dear.move on wit ur lyf

  • Bernice

    Been there, n the best thin to do is to move on with ua life. No man is worth heartache. So any fish in the ocean

  • Rozz

    Mayb distance meks hm desparate,bt if she rily luvz him n he luvz her too then the two shuld work thngz out

  • Judy

    let him go if yu two were meant to be, maybe yua paths will cross again but long distance is not a good option unless yu have a plan of yu being together soon. Been there believe yu me

  • Priscilla

    always trust your instinct you will know if you are on the right path or not.

  • Kari

    every being has a right to happiness evn the bible says so and yu r denying urself one………move on he will realize the loss and if yu two r meant to be nature will work its miracle.

  • beryl

    just think about it…if I had posed the same question to you how would you respond…..simple there is your answer

  • Michael

    moral of the story … if u dnt want 2 get hurt, dont stick ua nose in another persons private messages … ignorance is bliss ma people

  • Emily

    No man is trustworthy if u cant stomach him look for mwingine

  • Liz

    Its not just about saying that he loves you. Thats easy.. Its about showing that he loves you,and respects you. And you don’t wanna spend the rest of your life with a man you always suspect… 4times,is one too many.

  • ciira

    Why on earth are you going through his messages? You are behaving like his mother. If you dont trust him call it quits. Dont stoop to that, does it make you feel good?

  • Africangel

    Its clear that he is immature and is hoping that you will take care of him while he goes about his business with other chilles. Please think carefully, and make the best decision for yourself because only you know how much you can take before he completely takes your joy away three years from now.Is he working? If yes why is he still at home? Your heart has already been broken by the messages please do not let him take your joy away as well.

  • http://lily.co.ke/members/ashmaina/ ash

    i believe deep down you know what you have to do. if you are prepared to watch him cheat on you over and over again,then by all means stay with him because trust me,he will not change. dont degrade yourself,you can do better,further he seems to think you are desperate for him and does not value you at all,otherwise he would not have cheated four times!!!wow…my dear,for all women out there,leave this man and dont look back.

  • baby

    Never trust a mun that ur doubting, Any man who finds the right patner never wastes time. I have been a victim of two r/ships and it works that way. When i found mr right I thought that i wasnt ready but he made me know that it was the right time.U may be suprised that by the time u complete your education, he will have made a choice with another woman. Move on with ua life

  • Lisa

    I read this somewhere, maybe it will help you too……

    Since it bears repeating, let’s review a few of the traits that will tell you unequivocally that a guy is into you:

    His actions match his words. He doesn’t just say he loves you or wants to be with you because he thinks that’s what you want to hear; it’s obvious by the way he behaves.

    He introduces you to his friends and family within a reasonable amount of time. This indicates that he’s increasingly serious about making you part of his life.

    His behavior is consistent. He isn’t into you one week and then distant the next. His affection for you is something you can rely on.

    He tries to please you. Because he’s genuinely interested in you as well as your thoughts and feelings, he acts on that. He knows you love the color yellow, for example, so he shows up with a bouquet of yellow flowers.

    You don’t feel like you’re doing all the work, and you never find yourself making excuses for him. As psychologist Geraldine Merola Barton puts it, “The truth is, we always find time for the things we value. If he’s into you, he’ll call, period… no matter what.”

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