Do your bookshelves heave with self-help books or do you prefer the trial and error approach to love and relationships?
With over two thousand self help books being published around the world every year, there is a plethora of books available for women needing relationship advice. Some of them are fabulous, some are indifferent and others are positively harmful.
The titles of some of the very popular books range from blunt ones like ‘Catch him and Keep him’, and ‘What every woman must know about her man’ to more subtle titles like ‘Capturing the heart of Mr. Right’, and ‘The good wife’s guide’.
Each of these books promise you tips on how to have your man eating off your palm, how to get him to sign on the dotted line …and the list goes on. And if you have been ruined by all the self help books you have read before, the next one promises to change that by offering you ‘tried and tested success tips’.
But as you begin to read on, the self proclaimed relationship gurus fill your head with an array of ideas and soon you are throwing out your cook-books because you are learning that apparently, unlike what our mothers had us believe, the way to a man’s heart has nothing to do with his stomach.
That simple rule that had promised you the gate pass to a happily-ever- after with your mister right in exchange for your steaming home cooked meals, is quickly nullified and in its place you are left with thousands of do’s and don’ts to master.
But how do you master all these relationship rules and regulations and simultaneously pay attention to your relationship?
It pains me even more to realize that there aren’t as many books for men, teaching them about women, as there are for women teaching us about men. Either our brothers have already figured out what we want and how to give it to us (or how to and get away with not giving it to us) or they know better than to look for pointers from ‘experts’ who get served with divorce papers as soon as their books hit the bookstores.
The truth is; many things come with a user’s guides but relationships are not one of them. That’s probably because we do not need the user’s guides to help us understand and co-exist with our male counterparts.
Unlike what the self proclaimed relationship gurus may like to have you believe, men are not from mars and women are not from Venus. We are all from earth and we can figure each other out so deal with it.
Another fact is that all men are not the same, and coming up with one manual that fits all is overwhelmingly unrealistic.
Every relationship is unique and has its unique circumstances. The trick is to understand your partner and know what makes him tick, and the real fun in any relationship is in figuring that out. So do not let the relationship ‘experts’ take the fun away by mapping out your relationship for you and telling you what turn to take at every single crossroad.
Trying to manipulate your partner using time tested theories and ideologies is a perfect recipe for disaster. Instead, spend time with your partner and get to know each other. Explore your partner’s personality and find out what upsets him and what cheers him up. And when the tough times come- and they definitely will- figure out a solution together.
Remember that no amount of third party assistance will fix your relationship. The marriage counselors and the relationship experts were not there when your man was tuning you. Only the two of you know how it all begun and only the two of you can figure out what works best for you.