From The Mailbox: Who we are

At face value, we are judged by how we dress, carry ourselves and articulate our message. If anyone bothers to get to know you a little better, you are then judged by your family and friends. Since we can’t choose our family, why not then discuss friendship.

As have all of you, I too have lost friends I thought were for life. Some of these losses could have been avoided and others were tragic. But the most painful losses are those that have cost you time and energy. Time and energy you spent dashing off to help a stranded friend in distress. What kind of distress? A puncture, an accident or a bad date. Time and energy you spent, buying Nandos chicken and milkshakes and pigging out while watching a chick flick because your friend was sad.

In truth, we all hide our true selves deep down in the core. That’s because we’re afraid of being judged too harshly, of being rejected. This is the ultimate fear. We all want to be loved, to be valued, to be missed when we leave the physical realm.

So why then can’t we just be honest people. From the word go, so as to prevent being rejected after 2 years of friendship. To prevent being called fake and bitchy (can I say that on here??).

white beltPsychologically, we judge to save cognitive space. If you see a lady on Arwings Kodhek Road in nothing longer than a belt for a skirt, we judge her as a lady of the night. She may very well be one. But she might also have children to raise, as well as siblings to look after. She may be a tax-paying, law abiding accountant by day, and a twilight girl by night in an effort to secure her dream home by the time she’s 30. She may also be a lost, under valued soul, who was molested as a child and therefore has always equated sex as love.

Truth be told, ladies are often mean to each other and I will never understand this competitiveness. Because ladies, you are all beautiful and unique. We as women are the nurtures as well as the leaders that make this world what it is. In the bedroom and in the boardroom.

So let’s refrain from judging at face value and stand together as the fierce and loving individuals we are.

By Sophie Muchina

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