A man for the season

Is it just my imagination or are men in Nairobi are getting less courteous as the days go by.  I have been clicked at by two men in the last one week and I can’t stop getting irritated even by the thought of it. How now!! Imagine, a man clicking at a woman!!  Kwani nani mama kuliko mwingine? Call me when you have been in labor for 18 hours and you can click at me all you like.

And that isn’t even the half of it. We are physically being man handled everyday and we just seem to be taking it all in one stride. I am for women empowerment any day don’t get me wrong, but there are just times when you need to treat a lady like a lady. It just seems however that they are not willing to so here are a few tips to be your own man when the situation calls for it.

Put up a fight
Never go down without a fight! It doesn’t need to be a physical one, just be a wise ass. Talk down at him. Make him seem stupid to your audience. There is nothing as demeaning to a guy as being insulted by a woman in the presence of others. Blame it on the African upbringing, but then again white guys don’t like it either.

high heel shoe silverIn the physical scenario, I can’t even put up a fist how it is supposed to be so I am not saying punch him. There is an alternative: heels- a woman’s best weapon. I love heels to death; they look great even on a shelf let alone on a lovely foot like mine!! But they’re just not meant to sit and look pretty.

Once, some guy was trying to rob my purse in a matatu. He had covered his hand with a newspaper while he rummaged through the contents of my bag. Lucky for him I caught him in the act. Am not all that strong but that day I got a man by his collar and held him still while I took off one of my heels. I put quite a dent in his robber face for all time. I have never been in a fight before in my life. It was so exhilarating!!

CAUTION: To succeed with this one, make sure you’re not alone. And make sure you make it known why beating the guy with your shoe. And make sure you use all the bad words in your vocabulary for effect. There is no other opportunity as rosy as this to get away with it.

Learn to do Stuff yourself
You don’t have to know the name of all the screw driver’s to do stuff. Learn how to replace light bulbs, how to squash a bug without feeling all itchy and how to fix your tyre when you get a flat on the road.

It either that or be prepared to spend a whole week in darkness till a guy comes to visit and you can ask them to replace your bulb. You’ll be held hostage by an eight legged creature in your own home. You’ll be stuck on the road to someone comes to save you…the possibilities are endless.

Men don’t rush to your rescue anymore. They take their sweet time before they come and save you. If you want it done and done now: you have to learn to do it yourself.

Be a man
I am not talking sex change, just be a man when the situation calls for it. Hide your feelings when showing them seems weak. Spit as far as the rest of them can if ever there was such a stupid thing to be done. Eat as much as them if you’re hanging out with them … Just be a man when that’s what you need to be to get through the day!

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Wacu Mureithi is a part time law student, full-time mother and all-time dreamer. Her work can be found on seriouslypoetic.blogspot.com.