For richer or for poorer

wedding rings and moneyWhoever came up with the marital vows must have been a very ignorant person. He must have been so absolutely oblivious of the entire world, including the person he must have written them for, to come up with such stark nonsense.

I admit, the words could get to you, if you’re twelve and you don’t know anything about what the world is about. A poet like me could appreciate them too I suppose…but am not that blind. There must be meaning in my poetry, life experience so to speak. Write what I know is the one motto I follow to this day.

From the beginning of time, well at least after the first family (Eve, Adam and their twin sons), it is a well known fact that marriages were about money. Your clan could only betroth you to someone who brought something to the family, be it money or a good name. So who the hell was this bugger pretending to be self righteous enough to come up with those words? My only other conclusion could be that he was a big fat liar. That poor girl being lied to!! I feel sorry for her when I think of it.

My sister came up with this theory, if you marry a Kikuyu woman; at least you know what the terms of the contract will be to the end. She will never leave you of her own volition unless you go broke. The sort of broke that makes it impossible for her to keep up with the lifestyle she was used to while you had buck. It doesn’t matter that she came from nothing herself.

With a Kikuyu woman there won’t be any of that breaking a man’s spirit down that we hear so very often on morning radio of women making their men wash the house with a duster. She will just up and leave you. No stories! No lies! Sweetie you’re a broke ass- I have got to leave your ass honesty!

The funny part about her however, she will get married to the guy next door, or at least have an affair with him. Literally!! That guy you play golf with, the one you down your tuskers with at the local. Yeah that one!! He wouldn’t be rolling with you if he didn’t have as much money as you. It’s a fact. It’s only rational that’s where she will start from.

I am a Kikuyu mind you. And as much as this trashes me, I think it might be a good thing!! I am not keeping up with no broke man for nothing. I have a lifestyle to live up to, kids to take care of. If I have enough money to go it alone, what am I doing paying for your alcohol? Imagine me opening my handbag in the morning to give you some cash to fuel your car. It’s preposterous!! If I were you I would rather walk everywhere I go.

I saw this in a movie once, a couple was having dinner at a restaurant and the guy wanted to pay with a credit card. All his cards were rejected! So he asks his date to get the bill this one time. He was actually a really rich guy mind you. His accounts had just been frozen for some reason I won’t get into. The moment he utters those words, the chick started to laugh. Then she said, “Seriously! You want me to pay for dinner?” She just took her bag and walked out laughing.

It‘s brutal and would be funny if you’re watching it in real life. But ladies take a note of this, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF IT WERE YOU. Not in that same scenario, you’re bright people you know what I mean.

The second part of my sister’s theory is that other women from other tribes, especially when they’re not Bantus. They lie to you from day one. You have no idea how she will react when you suddenly go broke. Maybe she will run off with the kids. Maybe she will make you wash the house with an old t-shirt. Maybe she will kill you! Maybe she will humiliate you in front of all your friends…There are so many possibilities.

As a kikuyu woman, I have this to end with …for richer or for poorer…isn’t ever going to come out of my mouth when I marry anyone. We will probably have to write our own vows if the priest doesn’t let me sever that part from the vows. That’s just how I see it.

My boyfriend said something to me a while back, its something to the effect- “Sweetie, if you ever cheat on me, let it not be with college boys! I would feel insulted that you had sex with someone who gives you nothing but a toss in the hay. If you ever do let it be someone who by rank is above me. Otherwise I will break his neck.” I live by his words. They keep me quite honest. The only person I can cheat on him with in effect is probably just the president himself! No, he is not an MP!! He is someone way above them in the diplomatic world.

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Wacu Mureithi is a part time law student, full-time mother and all-time dreamer. Her work can be found on