The A Word


cheating spouseWe judge and sneer at those who indulge in it, but we haven’t been there…at least those of us who aren’t married. I watched (well, not the whole of it but nearly half of) a movie called Derailed starring Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen and I saw the reality of cheating. It’s so easy to look elsewhere when home is no longer a peaceful place to be and your spouse no longer the angel you married. People have problems….sick children who drain every ounce of energy from their parents making it nearly impossible for them to have any alone time together causing their marriage to suffer. Or when one spouse is always away working. Or for whatever reason because marriage is hard work.

So you meet someone, a chance meeting even. You click, he/she gets you. She/he likes the annoying music your spouse doesn’t like. He/she gets your sense of humour that your spouse has never appreciated. He/she is a breath of fresh air; a haven amidst all the drama in your life and family.

So, as a human being, what do  you do?

You pursue happiness. You want more than you can have.

And so you keep meeting this “breath-of-fresh-air” more and more. You “work late” more and more. And the guilt increases but you’re in deep.

And  the rest as we know is history.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating for cheating. I get stark raving mad when I even hear a boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend, so leave alone a spouse.

I’m just saying it can happen to any and the best of us. We are just weak and human like that. Forbidden fruit tastes sweetest.

But using the example of Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit, what did God say to them? He told them there was a tree in the centre of the Garden of Eden and not to eat from it. He did not point at it and say “see that lovely tree over there? The one with the enticing, succulent fruit? Those fruits that look so deliciously mouth-watering? Don’t eat those.”


I’m guessing they had never even seen the tree.

He just warned them not to eat from it.

So, I’m thinking, don’t go there. If it’s drama at home, get away…alone, if you must.  Don’t look around for better because, if all the stories I’ve heard and all the couples I have seen are anything to go by, adultery is never worth it.

It may be delicious at first, an adventure with all the thrill of not-getting-caught, but soon the truth all comes out and you ruin everyone’s life involved forever.

And the forbidden fruit does taste sweetest, but no one mentions the bitter aftertaste left in your mouth.

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  • Mburu

    The article is painfully true and the A Word always happens as though it is the acceptable norm of the day. Our morals have been sidelined in the name of fashion. Decency is no longer admires, like virginity… it has sadly become obsolete!

  • Mia

    Great article, and right on the money. A friend recently said that she was “sure” that she could never cheat on her partner. I told her then and I’m happy to see you say it: it can happen to anyone. We’re not necessarily born with a cheating gene, although some people seem to have that tendency. Anyway, great article.

    Mburu: I was with you right up until the point you equated virginity and decency. I hate to break it to you but one has absolutely nothing to do with the other. Nothing. Nothing at all.

  • joy

    its great having an avenue for women to share their experiences. it is an over sexed world.My work place is just full of promiscuity am at a lose or words to explain.someone recently to help me get a better job elsewhere, he was very promising untill he told me i had to sleep with him first.what is the world turning to really?

  • Monique

    I completely disagree, I think that saying that it can happen to anyone is untrue. Yes anyone can be lacking in morals and yes anyone can cheat, but where is your moral compass? You know it is wrong when you start on that initial flirt, and yet you choose to continue! I think lets stop trying to accept cheating as a norm, lets get to the heart of the matter, you are too afraid to condemn others actions for fear that you one day might decide that it is okay for you to do it, or you have in the past! Not cool, not good and we should stand together as women and respect each others relationships. You would hate to be on the receiving end of this, so why would you feel its okay to do it? Shame on us for losing that inner voice that tells us we are wrong and that we should behave in a more moral manner.

  • jan

    Hey? I do not know where I stand on the whole cheating issue at the moment. At first I would agree with monique, that it is not okay ever and it does not happen to everyone or could happen, not up until I found out that my ex-fiance was cheating on me with 6 women. Yes confirmed! Now, I do not see myself on the being cheated on end, I am currently seeing a hooked up guy and loving it. I am getting what the women who destroyed my would be happily ever after are getting. And now I understand why, it’s so easy. No committment, no injuries!

  • Mutangili


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