To do or not to do…

kenya nimechillA certain group in Kampala once convinced teens that abstinence is cool. Suddenly, it was the ‘in thing’ to be pure. That’s a miracle! And it’s a good thing for obvious reasons: HIV / AIDS; unplanned pregnancies. We tried the same angle with ‘true love waits’ and ‘mimi nimechill’, but I don’t know how well that worked.

The key argument against abstinence is that practice makes perfect. That argument makes sense – on the surface.

Initially dating – or rather courting – was about identifying a life partner. It is only now that people date ‘for fun’. So then the average person ends up with a lot of gym partners. The trouble is gym partners are swopped for various reasons – incompatibility, boredom, better training, lack of skill, bad table manners!

I heard a rather rude line in Emily of New Moon. It translates to “the people we want to date are not necessarily the people we want to marry.” That’s why many men demand their girlfriends to revise their wardrobes after marriage.

So assuming the average – um – gymnast – trains, practices, plays the games, gets to the olympics, wins the gold. Then when they want to settle down, the chosen bride / groom is a bronze medalist. The marriage will be frustrating to both, and neither will be faithful for very long.

God created Adam and put him in the garden. Adam got lots to keep him occupied, but he still felt something was missing, so God created Eve.

Adam had no internet, no porn, no loud-talking roommates. He had a beautiful woman, a tropical paradise and absolute privacy for his honeymoon. No nosy neighbours, no know-it-all in-laws, no ‘how-to’ manuals. Probably a few instructive dreams. And Eve had no tutors. She learnt all she needed with her man. And I think they managed just fine, seeing as we don’t hear about adultery in the Bible until MUCH later.

Note that I say WITH her man, not FROM her man. So the idea of men ‘practising’ then looking for green spouses is equally ridiculous. Despite the ratio of 1:3, men can only farm for so long before they run out of untouched pasture.

Experience is the best teacher, but it has its downside. Experience in bedroom matters leads to comparison, and that usually leads to broken hearts and broken homes. The whole point of the honeymoon is to get together, bond, learn together, test each other’s yes and no spots. The fun is diluted if one or both of you keeps thinking “But X or Y was so much better.”

Granted, lack of gymnastic skills can be disappointing. But if you have nothing to compare it to, you don’t know what you’re missing – so you can’t be disappointed! The wedding night is one place where what you don’t know can’t hurt you.

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Crystal Ading' is a professional author, editor, rock lover and mother. Her work is available through