The lure of the taken man [Part 2]

crystal dingsAvailable guys have all the qualities that we find attractive, it’s just that we view things differently with minglers and takens.

Another key factor is that we don’t live with these guys. We see them for a few hours at a time, so we only see their good side. We don’t know that they are cranky in the morning, or that their feet smell, or that they grunt in their sleep, or that they whine constantly, or that they have a fetish for … whatever-embarrassing-thing-they-have-a-fetish-for. We only see the shine.

They, on the other hand, have been with their women long enough for the novelty to wear off. So while their women may not necessarily be unappreciative, they are not as wowed by his tendency to buy teddy bears as you are.

Another thing we forget is that the taken man is what he is because of his woman. It is her girlfriendship – wifehood – fathermaking that has turned him into who he is. His love for this woman has mellowed his bad side, brought out his instinct, made him soft and loveable. The features were there all along, but she has worked long and hard to find them, drag them out and polish them to a shine. So she deserves to enjoy them undisturbed by your roving eyes.

Keep in mind that if you do choose to go after him, he may not necessarily stop you. See, all these things he says about his woman, the ones that make you sigh about how sensitive he is? He doesn’t generally say them to his woman. He feels them, but he doesn’t say them. They’ve been together so long that he assumes she knows how he feels about her. And she doesn’t voice her compliments either.

But you, on the other hand, are so awed by this sweetheart of a man that you will give him compliments in a way his woman doesn’t. And with memory being what it is, he will not remember that she said the same thing many years ago. Or worse, she was so busy playing hard-to-get that she never said them at all.

So here is this amazing guy feeling neglected and taken-for-granted, and here is you, idiot woman, drooling over something that you should not even be looking at. Recipe for disaster.

Some men will take advantage and play you like ludo. Perhaps it will be mutual. Perhaps you will be his gashungwa and his girl-number-one will stay in the dark, or choose to look the other way. But who really wants to be with a cheat? Not me.

The truly good men will be flattered, yes, and they will even admit it, but they will not act on it. And a good woman will acknowledge and respect that. Granted, good women have less ‘fun’ in life, but me, I’m a firm believer in kharma, so I know I’ll get mine in the end.

Good men are there, in plenty. Some are born, but most are made. So if you want a good man, go find your own. Seriously!

About gay guys … well, I won’t get into that except to say one thing. He is sweet and kind and gentle and cuddly, and he knows a lot of stuff about shoes and hair and womens’ magazines, and that makes him hot. But … would he know all that if he wasn’t, you know, gay?

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Crystal Ading' is a professional author, editor, rock lover and mother. Her work is available through