The School Of Life’s Lessons [Part 2]

heart breakA Lesson On Heartbreak
I’m tired of hearing it:

  • You will make a wonderful wife/girlfriend for some lucky guy
  • Whoever you end up with will be one lucky guy
  • Don’t worry, his loss…you will meet someone better
  • You are an amazing woman and you will make some guy very happy


Granted, these statements have all come from guys I rejected who later moved on, and from well-meaning friends, but that is not the point. My point is, why is everyone hooking up and I’m not? Am I too choosy, too independent, too needy, too boring, too innocent, too wild,….and the list goes on.

I’d like to console myself that we have all been there: single and longing to mingle. Everyone around you seems to be hooking up.
No more dates with the girlfriends coz they have dates with their boyfriends. Too many pitiful glances thrown your way when you talk about how lovely it is to be single.

I have been single for quite a while now and I believe I have dealt with my ghosts and baggage.
Hurt, broken, but stronger.
So I decide that I’m ready.
Ready to venture into the mysterious world of relationships and dating – The Field.

And I meet a guy, we click, talk, meet several times, go on a date.
He isn’t doing or saying anything particularly relationship-y.
He says he likes me but….nothing.

Then I find out he has a girlfriend. Who he has had for a long time but didn’t have the guts to tell me about. And he tells me when he is a million miles away, actually, after he drops large hints at her existence…all this while he is away. So I of course erase him from my life and, hurt, again, come out stronger.

He apologises and I forgive him. But he is still off limits and I know that. And I begin to wonder what I ever saw in him.
And a good friend tells me that if I forgave him that fast then I didn’t really like him that much in the first place. Hmmmmm…

See, the thing with heartbreak is that it’s like this painful toothache that you can’t get rid of unless you get the tooth removed. The tooth in this case is your heart and we both know that’s not gonna happen. I’ve had my heart broken a number of times before, and they are all the same. The only difference is the duration…how long you wallow and cry and hate men and eat ice cream and chocolate daily and cry some more. (In case of the guys, I have no idea what they do when they are heartbroken)

This one was short. It barely lasted a week. And I believe my friend. I’m thinking I didn’t really like him that much, meaning if we had hooked up I would probably be bored out of my mind by now. I dodged a bullet!

So I decide not to wallow in it and decide not to loathe all guys. I decide I will get back out there, albeit wiser. I’ll risk heartbreak again if all my past rejected lovers’ words hold any truth. That I will make an amazing wife/girlfriend for some lucky guy who will be deliriously happy to be with me is worth the risk, don’t you think?

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  • Nkatha

    i really relate with u. i’ve been there, hey, am still there n i guess i needed sb to confirm the symptoms… the date then the nothingness n then the large hints n then the bomb… am thinking am going to run while i can n yes, am going to risk it again.

  • Lina

    This relate to my life i have been hurt a million times, i decided not to date until one day another guy came to my life little did i know the history was repeating itself after 6mnths of dating came to realize he was dating another lady who right now has a 2mnths old kid, anyway thats life you get hurt but you have to be strong and be back on your feet again, i know am good and i wont give up on dating am beautiful and i know out there their is a good guy for me.

  • bailey

    Thanks Nkatha and Lina. Am sorry about your situations but we will be stronger!! Here’s to life after heartbreak!! :-)

  • ebony

    Ladies I feel you. I’ve been there and now I’m dating a man but not too sure I wanna get back in the dating game. The irony of life!

  • Kalekye

    Hi bailey, I relate to this too but i guess its all in the right time. Im dating someone currently but he is paying for the mistakes of his predecessor!! Irony in capital

  • Jenny

    Hi ladies,take principle i have adopted is never to give up, or let any of those episodes put me down. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and assure yourself..”i am the best in the world, there shall never be any one like me” pick up the pieces of your heart, and with your head high,move on; don’t let them get to you or put you down;after all it is the women of the world who make it a better place,and don’t be deceived, the men can’t live without us..

  • Mwana

    Hi ladies, I too related to these stories too deeply i had had a similar discussion with some male friends of mine and they did not understand y a lovely and beautiful gal like me was not being dated, all men seem taken but I know there is one for me somewhere single all ready it might take time but ladies do not lower ur bars right away you deserve much more and you will get the best still

  • Sunshine

    Girl, we girls tend to like a certain “type” of man. How about you start showing attention to a completely different type of person? Men are all the same if you only care to look deeper. If you seek out a man who would normally be ignored by a pyt like yourself, you might only get surprisingly lucky and hooked. Try it. go for different and be as nice as you can.Try quieter, duller, less smart, less savvy,shorter, older, younger…dare to be different.

  • Wacu

    i love the last paragraph most, the getting over the hurt and pushing yourself to get back out and there and keep looking. its important. the cliché statements are quite on point. The man reason we get back out there is because we still hold on to the dream that we will meet the guy that stays for good. If you really think that he is the one that got away it is alot harder to get back in the game.

  • peggy

    i know it sucks but wat to do?just live life with wat u got.just coz im single it dont mean i dnt have a life.i gotta live!!i dnt know wat to blive, tht there is someone or i may be alone i live everyday with wat i got.its easier dealing with the known than the yep here’s to us the single gals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!enjoy it while it lasts!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Caroline

    One foot in front of the other is my best pick up line from lipstick jungle :-)
    That which doesn’t kill only makes you stronger after my break up i thought i’d die like the next day but look at me today and you’d think im lying :-) iam taking my sweet time to heal and enjoy my singleness :-) then when im ready i’ll move on to my next prey…………’s that

  • Karen

    I like Sunshine’s advice “go for different and be as nice as you can.Try quieter, duller, less smart, less savvy,shorter, older, younger…dare to be different.”

    You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect a different result! Go for it gals!

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