Myths exist in a given culture because they are necessary to veil the underlying truths that they pertain to. In order to deal with these myths in an effective way they must be confronted directly with a balanced mind and wise insight, disregarding the fear and rationalization that brought them into being in the first place. Here are some myths that are still strongly embedded among many relationships and married couples, therefore as you read them try to scrutinize and determine if they have impacted some of your own attitudes.
1. Money is an important component in marriage, families and relationships mainly for what it symbolizes. Arguments on financial issues between married couples result as an expression of conflict as related to incompatible goals, competitiveness or due to an inner struggle for control and dominance – the struggle is in no way related to money.
2. The man in the family is assessed by how competent he is in how he earns and handles money. Most women will tell you that it is the responsibility of the man in the relationship to provide for all the needs of the woman and the family in general. In the view of this women tend to keep their money from the family budget and requesting for this money is considered as stinginess on the part of the man, financial accountability is foregone. What we need to understand is that with the advent of the 29th century both partners in a relationship carry equal responsibility not only financial but on other matters pertaining the relationship which is a healthy practice encouraging thus cooperation, closeness in the relationship, and accelerated development.
3. Money is a basis for an easy life, fewer worries and stable relationships. It is a common belief that couples with a lot of money are wise, self – disciplined, self – confident and untroubled. What we need to understand is that money by it self does not lead to feelings of security let alone feelings of financial stability. The comfort and stability of your marriage is not determined by the size of your bank account, it is rather determined by the values and priorities that you’ve set. To take responsibly for your marriage you must financial and life priorities and work upon your choices daily in regard to the priorities set.
4. Financial matters tend to be very complicated for married couples to comprehend. Financial matters are like any other challenges in life: the fundamentals have to be mastered one at a go. Set out by learning the financial basics of marriage and the practical steps that must be taken to resolve the specific financial concerns in your marriage. Seek out the necessary guidance from skilled partners, family, friends or professionals when their advice is needed.
5. Planning for your money should be left for the accountants and the other money experts. Couples must take responsibility for their ways of spending, budgeting difficulties, and the need to plan, save and invest for their future. Be willing and ready to communicate with your spouse concerning money matters and all other matters in general. This will bring about the feeling of a more stable position of support from which to choose money experts and deal with them in a more constructive way.
6. All marital problems including financial problems will be suppressed by true love and commitment. I wish this were true. More often than not anxiety over financial matters is rationalized when two people are in love, but these, unfortunately, are romantic impulses that are not established on anything realistic or practical. But the advantage of love and commitment is that it can establish a communication link between the two partners.
7. Money can be appropriately substituted for love and quality time spent with a partner. Some people might agree to this, but actions speak louder than words. Money symbolizes power, success and control. It is frequently substituted for other forms of relationships investments such as thoughtfulness, time, energy, empathy or tender care. We might deny it but it’s likely that most of us at one point or another have been guilty of engaging in a similar substitution.
8. Accumulated capital and assets are a determinant to the financial security in a relationship. Measurements in terms of size can never determine security, but rather marital fulfillment, relationships with others and generally attitudes and values. I might define real security as feeling and believing that you can ably handle the unexpected challenges that may arise whether financial or other issues. Money should be an instrument of sustained growth and to impact ones environment. Rather for majority of couples money or the lack of it for that matter is given a leeway to cause stress and anxiety.
9. Family monies should be handled by the partner more skilled in the financial field. Both spouses should actively engage and be knowledgeable in all financial matters and areas in the family. Financial management should not be frowned upon as a chore worth avoiding. It is a major part in the stability of you marriage or relationship. Dealing with your spouse on financial matters may rather be fun and rewarding in all other aspects of the relationship other than financially.
10. Accumulated money is the best tool to gauge a successful marriage or relationship. This is a wrong belief though it forms the base of much of the interaction in society. I agree with the fact that accumulated money is certainly used as a tool to determine success; however, we need not leave out the view of the tragic models of couples whose lives have been left at the mercy and power of wealth and see that it is very useless as a primary indicator to success. Rather I would advocate for life’s satisfaction and a happy marriage including inner fulfillment as more primary indicators to success than lots of money.
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David is an expert on relationship advice. He authors the blog datenromance.blogspot.com.